• Published:April 10th, 2008
• Comments:7 Comments
• Category:Blog Comments, Politics

Stuff White People Like is a site premised upon taking the hoary “white people go like this/black people go like that” routine and cutting out the “black people” part. After reading several of the site’s posts, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off about the entire venture, which seemed to be a series of snarky jabs against facile targets, passed under the guise of self-effacement or as simply “telling it like it is.” (Never a good sign, that.)

Also telling is the site’s choice of subjects to mock, “straw liberal” clichés like San Francisco, having gay friends, and the Toyota Prius. Oddly enough, given the site’s name, there are no entries for Ayn Rand, Larry the Cable Guy, or NASCAR, despite their well-documented appeal to the melanin-challenged sector of our society. Funny, that.

Then again, I thought perhaps I was reading too much into things…until this post, #94 Free Healthcare, which is the equivalent to that dreaded point in a conversation when you realize that you’ve spent the last hour talking to a Ron Paul supporter and start formulating a rapid exit strategy.

It begins thusly…

In spite of having access to the best health insurance and fanciest hospitals, white people are passionate about the idea of socialized medicine. So much so that they have memorized statistics and examples of how for-profit medicine has destroyed the United States.

If by “access,” you mean “it’s out there, though beyond the financial reach of many people, including those who work full time,” then the opening statement is almost correct. You know what else is correct? If you’re trapped in a tunnel with a vending machine full of Dasani, you will die of thirst if you don’t have change to put in the damn thing.

So why do white people like free healthcare?

Firstly, because they’re a bunch of feckless Europhiles:

The first and most obvious reason is “they have it Europe.” White people love all things European, this especially true of things that are unavailable in the United States (Rare Beers, Absinthe, legal marijuana, prostitution, soccer).

…and secondly, because these supposed “white people” (who bear no resemblance to any ones I’ve encountered in real life) are a bunch of bohemian slackers:

But the secret reason why all white people love socialized medicine is that they all love the idea of receiving health care without having a full-time job. This would allow them to work as a freelance designer/consultant/copywriter/photographer/blogger, open their own bookstore, stay at home with their kids, or be a part of an Internet start-up without having to worry about a benefits package.

The Europeans, lazy bohemians… that’s two conservative shibboleths invoked, all we’re missing is Michael Moore:

These desires were only heightened in 2007 when Michael Moore released “Sicko,” a documentary that contrasts the health care industry in the United States with that of Canada, France and Cuba. As a general rule of thumb, white people are always extra passionate about issues that have been the subject of a Moore documentary. As a test, ask them about 9/11, Gun Control, or Health Care and then say “where did you get that information?” You will not be surprised at the results.

YES, WE HAVE A RIGHT-WING TALKING POINT HAT TRICK! WOOOO! Because when you’re a uninsured college student or low wage worker with a painful and potentially deadly intestinal obstruction, it’s not about a hard choice where well-being has to be weighed against a possibly crushing financial burden. It’s all about being a slacker Scandophile fan of Roger and Me and ignoring the fact that the streets in this blessed nation are simply paved with affordable health care plans.

And, of course, it wouldn’t be complete without a jab at typical straw liberal “white people” hypocrisy:

They love the idea of everyone have equal access to the resources that will keep them alive, that is until they have to wait in line for an MRI.

Ah, yes, projecting one’s sense of crapulence onto others, that’s certainly something white people like.

Oh, did I say “white people?” I meant “over-entitled douchebags.”