AND, LO, THERE WAS A GREAT CONVERGENCE.

The two most beloved topics here at the Get Off the Internet offices are the wild and crazy world of fandom and the violent and crazy world of internet news comments. For some time now, our researchers have been endeavoring to find a way to somehow combine the two. Then, suddenly, when no one was looking, it dropped right into our internet laps.

The NBC series Chuck has been struggling throughout much of its life. Once again being threatened with cancellation, its fans opted to hold a bunch of “flash mobs” across the country, which would somehow convince programming executives to spend millions of dollars on a show that has a niche audience at best. Four cities were chosen by the Chuck community- Chicago, Seattle, San Diego and [wait for it] Philadelphia.

NOW, as has been documented in these very pages, Philadelphia has had a, shall we say, difficult relationship with the concept of flash mobs of late. Where it conjures up large groups of hipsters, oh, I don’t know, shaking hands or something in other cities, here in Philadelphia, people associate the term with kids going nuts. So, when news of the Chuck event hit the political weblog of the Daily News (“The People Paper”), folks were a little uneasy.

Yeah, please, no more flash mobs. Will the show pay the legal costs for police if things get out of hand? Will they guarantee to foot the jail bill of anyone arrested?

“Out of hand.” People buying Subway sandwiches and dressing as employees of a fictional Best Buy knockoff. “Out of hand.”

Wow, anyone who flash mobs for another season of Chuck is an ultimate tool.

im starting a flash mob if there is another season of chuck

It’s YOUR city. Ruin it if you like. But when the city loses jobs and resources, (schools already suck!) look in the mirror before you rant!

Has anyone consulted The National Guard? As of yesterday mobs in this city have become so sophisticated that 4th and 5th graders are the targets of High School thugs with a baseball bat. It’s reported by the police there was only one bat but there’s some question as to whether it was wood or metal – what a relief!.

The National Guard. FOR FANS OF CHUCK.

Our prisons are full of “Chuck fans”. We should have “Chuck” banned from the airwaves.

These animals threw beer bottles at cop cars, turn cars over, beat up anybody walking by for no reason even old ladys and they have no respect for anything or anybody…anybody engaged in this type of behavior should be SHOT on sight..I bet ya flash mobs would cease to exists in a jippy.

Now, hold on. I don’t like Chuck, but shot on sight? Some of these people are forgetting the tragic and violent Sports Night riots of 2000, to our eternal national shame.

I kinda liked the idea of The Naked Bike Ride myself. The only thing more revealing than the event itself was the self-righteous outpouring of shock and dismay by the Puritanical, body-part loathers in the comments section here. Can’t somebody organize a Naked Flash Mob event, please?

Okay, dude, now you’re just being creepy. The comments section for the “Save Human Target” rallies are over there.



Fan fiction is a curious thing. On a podcast I host, we recently discussed it a bit and one of the panelists even related a story about the time he submitted an awful story based upon The Facts of Life to a site years ago and the rather earnest advice from the site’s editor. Yes, it was all kind of a joke, but these folks take it very seriously and seem to write these things for a few reasons-

1) Frustration that the creators of these characters “aren’t doing it right.”

2) Wanting to continue the adventures of, say, WKRP In Cincinnati, decades after the program’s cancellation.

3) Out of some odd sense of ownership/real affection for these fictional places and people.

It is this third one that we will concern ourselves with today. NewsRadio is one of the most underrated and underwatched sitcoms in recent history. It had a great ensemble cast, great characters and had no problem getting just flat-out bizarre at times. Watching it now, it seems a little improbable that it was on network television for five seasons [Note: The AV Club has a good collection of episode reviews and analyses. Also, Hulu has 60-odd episodes available for viewing online]. Now, a show as idiosyncratic as this, with a rather specific comedic voice, well- you’d think that any attempts by fans to try and capture that tone would seem a little, well, off. And guess what? You’d be very right.

Adventures at WNYX! » by Goldenrod Lockhart
Join the staff of WNYX as they go through chapters of misadventures you’d never see on the tv show.

Are You Lonesome Tonight? by Frogorn
Lisa is broken up when Dave breaks up with her. Sonific to Elvis’ Are You Lonesome Tonight. It is my first songfic so be nice. R&R

NEWSRADIO: Everybody Has AIDS » by Tharpdevenport
Under command of Jimmy James, from the high voulme of accidents, WNYX undergoes testing. Set after Phil Hartman’s death. But am thinking of doing the story again, but with Bill and Cathrine as an alternate take.

Matthew’s Beads by sfh204
Matthew gets some magic beads that drives Beth wild with passion. I’m sure I could have worked the irony of the story much better, but ah well…

Dave’s Final Goodbye by Frogorn
Dave passes on and everyone has to cope with their loss. Warning: This is just an oneshot, so it is short not really detailed in the whole grieving process. Please read & review!

But it is not all fun and games and hilarity and the like. No, there is also room for grieving. And where there is grieving, there is often poetry, as in this piece- dedicated not to the late Phil Hartman, but rather his character, Bill McNeil- titled simply, “Goodbye Bill.”

The wind blows in uneven gusts. It makes loud whirs as it hits against the window. Paper and other items left by the day’s travelers scoot along the sidewalk. People walk buily[sic] as if nothing were new. Children run down the sidewalk in a race on their way to school. Cars rush down the street; each on a separate destination. Everything is as it’s always been: normal. Life is as it always is in the City that Never Sleeps. All seems the same, but it isn’t.

I continue to stare out the window watching the world go by almost expecting something to change. Everything seems pointless at this time. Work seems trivial. Conversations seem superficial. What’s the point?

My friends try to reach me, but I dodge the subject. I just don’t know how to move on from here.

I’m constantly distracted. Everytime the door opens, I look up. I expect to see him. He’s going to show up any moment. That door will open and he’s going to enter, like always.

I’ve seen him around. He’s been on the street and in the coffee shop downstairs. I know I’ve seen or sensed him here; when I go to the coffee machine or to the break room. I feel like he’s right behind me.

He’s going to walk through that door. Then he will go to his desk and things will continue as normal.

I tell myself all of this and I really want to believe it, but I can’t. He is not going to show up. He’s not just late. I haven’t seen him on the street or at the coffee machine. He will never walk through that door again.

“P.S., the crow flies at midnight.”



Oh, American Idol. You give us so much. Well, mostly what you give us is the notion that being really good at karaoke is all you need to land a recording contract, but you also give us crazy fans like no other reality show can even dream of doing.

And when Entertainment Weekly looked at the possibility that the next Idol might be a man of ambiguous sexuality, oh, how your fans delievered:

Why does everything have to be labeled as straight or gay? That is the biggest problem. So many things have “I’m gay” written all over everything, but there aren’t labels stating “I’m straight”. God bless American Idol for keeping neutral ground.

I would stop watching it with my kids.I am just a mother with worries of this issue and dont think my kids need more exposure then they already get in the schools and now even on a family show. I think he should just keep it to himself and keep his personal life off TV..

THE ANUS IS AN EXIT, NOT AN ENTRANCE!

All class, these people.

What is wrong with people? Do straight people run around bragging they are straight? Who cares? Leave it in the bedroom just like heterosexuals do.

Yeah! I mean, it’s not like we have entire tv shows dedicated to the idea of straight people hooking up or getting married!

Wait? We do? Oh.

Why is it so damned important to even mention one’s sexual orientation on this or any other show? It seems that gays and lesbians must suffer from some sort of compulsion psychosis if they find it necessary to always reveal their sexual orientation in public venues.
Heterosexuals do not, so why gays?

They must be trying to shove their proclivities into other peoples’ faces. “My song tonight is ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’, and I am Gay!” (Translation: If you do not vote for me you are a bigot.)
Jeeez!

If you define a family as a mother, a father, and one or more kids (as do most humans), as opposed to whomever wants to move in together and have sex, then OF COURSE homosexuality is anti-family. Don’t get me wrong, if two guys or girls want to get together and make like bunnies, more power to them. However, lets not make the mistake of calling them a family.

No, we are NOT all equal. No, it DOESN’T take village, and no, two homosexuals do NOT a family make.

The problem is that some gays are not willing to behave as heterosexuals with their love life, but many gays flaunt it, having pics taken of publicly tongue kissing, dressing as nuns while performing sexual acts in their parades. I would object to heterosexuals behaving in this manner and I am not a far right as one of the comments suggested. If someone is gay, so what. Behave with your lover as others do. It is not necessary to perform public sexual oriented acts as Adam did in the pics. Actually, he may not be gay, but a deviate, and I consider that a threat to any culture. What is next – showing off their toilet habits???

That’s right, coming out as gay is exactly the same as defecating in public.

Marshal Kirk & Hunter Madsen wrote the psychological Homosexual Agenda manifesto titled “Overhauling Straight America”, available from Amazon books.

Both homosexual authors were experts in mass public mind control & psychological programming.

Part of their psychological deception script that admittedly borrows from Communist Chinese mind control tactics was a process they called “jamming & conversion”. This first required desensitization by overwhelming the public with a tireless blitzkrieg of the more sanitized versions of homosexualiuty delivered in the abstract, then siliencing opposition using averse conditioning ala calling everyone a “homophobe”, “discriminator” “bible thumper”, “right wing whacko”, “Nazi”, “hate mongerer”, you know the scripted epithets.

Articles like the Times, of whose board members are comprised of more homosexuals than heterosexuals are merely part of that desensitization grand psychological operations manifesto from Kirk & Madsen.

I think we’ve just witnessed the apotheosis of anti-gay conspiracy theories.

I’m so sick of all the gay people trying to cram their lifestyles down our throats by making us think that there are so many of you that it’s normal! I liked Lambert until my wife found all of those new pictures of him…now we’re both revolted. You know why gay marriage won’t pass anywhere that voters have a choice??? It’s because (not so much the lesbians) but the idea of what it takes for two men to engage in sex makes most of the NORMAL people in the world want to vomit…forcefully! Women are always better off because we don’t think that is so disgusting, it’s even kind of hot sometimes…unless they’re really bullish, but even then it’s not as revolting as two dudes. Of course my wife is as disgusted by lesbos as much as I am by guys, so maybe she should follow up here with her own comments. I know that a bunch of you twinkle-toes out there will think I’m a bigot because I don’t care what you think…I’m the normal breeding one.

There’s that “cramming it down our throats” bit again.  People, if you have to cram, you’re doing it wrong!

you guys are all a bunch of over-emotional queerbait. I’d love to see idol show the backstory of how much lambert likes to dress like a chick and take it in the cornhole, and see how fast America votes him off then. At least I wont have to look at that lame 90′s emo hairdouche anymore. Nobody wants their son sitting there watching this show thinking, “hmm, the person i’m supposed to be idolizing likes screwing other boys, so I’ll go to school tomorrow and kiss a dude”. That’s why this ‘family friendly’ show doesn’t publicize it. They’d lose millions of viewers/ratings. (delete this post now! please, dont let these people hear another side of the arguement. they might not be able to handle it. omg)

Good people should have children if possible. Straight people who can’t conceive should be repaired, if possible…if not then agree to adopt a child into a normal family before Pelosi can abort it. “Octomom” should be shunned and ridiculed too. People who choose not to have children are just being selfish as long as they can afford to provide for the ensuing kidlets both emotionally and financially. To deny a base instinct that exists across all forms of life is not normal. That’s why any gay lifestyle justification vote can’t even pass a simple majority vote in any jurisdiction.

Homosexuality brings nothing positive to society. What it does bring is suicide, depression, disease, identity crises, confusion and a whole lot of unnecessary conflict.

Homosexual relationships are different from heterosexual ones for obvious reasons. Homosexuals should not try to claim that their relationships are the same as heterosexual ones. Nor should homosexuals try to rob the heterosexual community of distinctly heterosexual concepts such as marriage and family.

Homosexuals can do nothing but imitate the heterosexual model, because the heterosexual model has existed from the beginning (a society based on homosexuality can’t survive).

Instead of imitating heterosexuals and perverting heterosexuals’ most treasured institutions, homosexuals should invent their own institutions. But they should do so somewhere where the rest of us won’t have to deal with the consequences of their actions.

Or else they should substitute their harmful behavior with behavior helpful to society.

I would stop watching immediately! The line has to be drawn somewhere. There is no difference between homosexuality and bestiality. I will not have my children in an environment where they are brought up to think homosexuality is normal any more than I would tell them it is ok to marry their uncle when they reach the age of 12. I am agnostic btw. Homosexuality is a sickness like depression or bipolar disorder and should be treated as such.




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