Philly.com: “Racoons and bats and other critters are on the loose!” First Philly.com commenter: “I hate black people!”

“Why,” I think to myself, “that can’t be right! Even over there, at Philly.com! Young Dan must certainly be engaging in some sort of wild hyperbole!”

Let’s just go over to the article and see!

Raccoons, bats, possums: It’s Critter City

ROBINSON STREET above Lansdowne Avenue, in Overbrook, is under siege.

Raccoons, among a burgeoning population of wildlife that infests much of the city, are so audacious on the street that they’re trying to get in people’s windows.

At least that’s the way it seems to worried residents.

How- HOW could anyone possibly be able to take that and turn it around into a racist comment? Let alone in the very first post?

Now, I’m not saying it can’t be done, but it would require such herculean racist internet commenting skill that it would be beyond even the reach of the a skilled Philly.com commenter- and this is a very capable bunch in that area, I can assure you!

Alright, let’s just see this supposed racist first comm-

gobirds556
at least these “pests” do not steal taxpayer money while supposedly heading a government agency. they do not kill each other over drugs or $5. all those scumbags should be euthanized. what do animals do other then just try to survive? Leave them alone.

Oh. Well. It would appear that I have underestimated the skills of Philly.com commenters. I offer my deepest apologies. I can assure you that it won’t happen again.

Also, bonus points for being both an Eagles fan and wanting to murder! Bravo, (I’m assuming) sir!

The great thing about this age in which we live is that discoveries like this can now be shared immediately with untold scores of people, who can share in such wonders and make their opinions about them known to all. Oh wait- did I say “great thing?” Sorry, I meant “really, really awful thing.”

who cares? another worthless venture brought to you by nasa and the american tax payers…

What are the limits? That thing could carry a germ that could wipe us out…

Do the benefits of that kind of exploration outweigh the risk?

Are you kidding me? We are CLOSING PUBLIC SCOOLS accross the nation but our government pays for this Exploration in wasted time? Yeah I wonder why our country is in the state its in! Did these Scientits have a outback BBQ after ther discovery? So disapointed in my government.

Shouldn’t we be focused on fixing what is broken on the surface of this planet first?

NASA National Aeronautics and Space Administration. What are they doing in the ocean under the ice? Are they confused about what they exist for? or maybe they are just another out of control Federal Govenment spending apparatus trying to justify their existence? No wonder this country is broke going broker. Someone should call them up and tell them to knock it off.

The unfortunate thing is that that camera (probably -unless they performed the camera drop and drilling sterilely) now brings new bacteria, viruses and fungi that were not part of that environment into an environment that may be ill-equipped to deal with invasive species. That they were surprised suggests they may not have taken the appropriate caution not to mess with the environment the way the rest of mankind has been bringing in species into new environments and destroying the ecological balance previously in place (cane toads into australia as an example of purposeful introduction, or zebra mussels into the great lakes as an accidental one, small pox into the new world accidental then used maliciously on the North American indians. )

Now how is this find going to help the economy and the starving children?

OK, So whats the National Aeronautics and Space Administration doing under the ice
in Antarctica ?? Could it have anything to do with Washington’s fraudulent global
warming agenda ?

Only God can create this creature, stop trying to think with science. It doesn’t make sense.

There it was just swimming along minding it’s own business and it get plucked out of it’s home and ends up on top of the ice with God knows how many idiots with glasses and pocket protectors (under thier parkas) staring down at it with their mouths open watching WHILE IT DIES !!!
What a life altering discovery. Now the hundreds of thousands of starving people or those dying from horrible diseases can rest easy!
Science has prevailed.

I always thought NASA was just about Space, now at least I know where my tax payer dollars are going to find a new shrimp cocktail , dont worry about AIDS cures or feeding the third world this is far more important.

It was probably an imperfection on the expensive camera we taxpayers footed the bill for and NASA called it a shrimp?!

Great. Now we can spend millions of dollars to search frozen moons for shrimp. Think about that next time you see a telethon.

I THINK THAT IT’S GREAT THAT WE HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW LIFE FORM ON OUR PLANET.LET’S LEAVE IT ALONE.BECAUSE IT MAY BE DEADLY TO SOME OF THESE SO CALLED HUMANS.ON SECOND THOUGHT?????

Bubba Gump already called out “ice shelf shrimp” in the movie… n-ice try NASA

Maybe if they didn’t drill so many holes in the ice it would slow down the melting of the ice caps?

Nasa spends money on this and the census B spends millions on advertising to send in your Census???? We got a letter (and so did you) just to tell us that the Census B is sending the Census!?!?! wonder what the cost of sending every American a letter telling them they are going to get a letter was?

So you are saying that “science” was wrong about where life can live. Is there a possibility that “science” is wrong about the causes of climate change? Tell me it ain’t so!

Though, to be fair, the article is a bit shy on some details (why is the research being done? was anything else found?) and there are a good number of responses also upholding the importance of scientific exploration. However, we don’t want those people to Get Off The Internet. Just the dumb ones.

We start out pretty positive this time-

Wow, now this is positive news!!! It’s nice to know that many people in and out of Philadelphia, PA are great people.

seriously…way to go guys…it is verymuch appreciated

I still hate Boston people. Good job on the purse though.

Well, okay, mostly positive. But then- a conspiracy?

There are so many pictures of this from different angles the whole thing seems like a staged feel good story.

This seems fake, not because of the good deed, because of the amount of pictures. I don’t get it.

Also, how didn’t they catch this dude?? They have pipctures of him. Why not instead of taking the pictures of the action, join in on the fun and chase him.. I’m curious about who took the pictures.. Anyone wondering if this story was staged? haha

“ELIZABETH ROBERTSON / Staff Photographer”…very convenient that an Inquirer staff photographer HAPPENED to be across the street to take a photo of the mugger making his getaway. F-A-K-E.

Am I the only one who thinks this looks set up? It looks like a bad high school PSA done for class.

Hm. What is this, Little Green Footballs trying to Sherlock up a Reuters photo?

Something seems to be missing, though. Some familiar element-

He’s black?! Get out of town! Never would’ve guessed it.

I’m waitng for the “ya’ll are racist.” Tick tock tick tock.

I am shocked at the race of the perp!

Ah, there it is.

What a scam! We’ve all seen Mr. Deeds.

Okay, that one I liked. Now let’s get some clumsy attempts at topical humor-

Hey, Green Hood guy was just getting his bailout. I thought Congress announced stealing is no longer wrong. Next time Green Hood guy should hit AIG’s offices; millions there!

And one exhortation to cure society’s ills, then we’ll finish up.

Who cares. It’s an effing purse. Wake me when 2 salesman take a flight to Dar Fur to help out, or show up at a Rape Clinic, or offer their time helping many others that are truly in need. This woman had a purse = money. She doesn’t need help.

Thank you.

Though, I believe Dar Fur might actually be a folk cover band that gets booked at Anthrocon.

Let’s get things started with one of the countless internet denizens who has no idea what an ellipsis is actually used for.

yeah yeah.. stealing is wrong…
But… no one was killed… or harmed very badly…
and the guy got away…very creatively by the way.
For all I care… if this guy is going to go across the country robbing banks in this manner… have at it, as long as no one is maimed or killed in the proccess…
Man that makes for a good news story. HAHA!

Yes, anarchy is always welcomed as long as it makes for hilarious fluff news. By the way, did you hear about the man exposing himself to children? No one was maimed or killed, and the news report used a cartoon duck to cover his genitalia! Hilarious!

It would seem that local police have a regular Keyser Souce on their hand.

Look, you’re already on the internet. Could you not spend 2 seconds to check if you spelled Keyser Söze correctly? Also, Keyser Söze murdered his own family before butchering the majority of the Hungarian mob, so, no, the police DON’T have a regular Keyser Söze on their hands. Jesus. Why didn’t you just jump straight to Godwin and say the police had a regular “Hitler” on their hands?

I wonder if he is a relative of D.B. Coopers?

Again, you have access to the whole damn internet, could you not have maybe done a little research? I mean, props for knowing one of the great unsolved capers in US history, but negative props for associating it with a guy who will probably be caught the next time he logs back into Craigslist.

this thing is so funny, now someone need to make a movie

What the hell?! You just read the whole damn story! Are you really admitting to the internet that your imagination is completely incapable of recreating this story that you’re DEMANDING someone charge you ten bucks for the privilege of watching what you just now read? Sweet pie-baking gorillas, you’re an idiot!

haha clever
at least NOW he’ll have some good pillow-talk to tell his new boyfriend in prison.

I was beginning to wonder if I was actually still on the internet, what with the lack of research and palpable homophobia.

people are crazy these days.

Well gosh, I sure am glad you decided to chime in on this delightful little anecdote. Just couldn’t let this story go by without tossing in your two cents, huh? I guess “ha ha” seemed to pedestrian and “omg wtf” was just outside of your grasp?

Too bad the idiot American voting public could not and cannot elect a President who can think ahead and plan like this.

Because what would the internet be without a self-righteous, thread-jacking asshole with a political chip on his shoulder?

You might expect that some believers would not appreciate this theory. You would be absolutely correct. At this writing there are just under 1000 comments, and although I haven’t read them all, I suspect they aren’t all people saying, “Top-rate theorizing, old chap!” Let’s see.

I pity this man when he stands before God in his final judgement. He is in for a BIG let down.

Why does the press print these people? Does the press ever print the Scriptures themselves? And why not quote the hundreds of millions who believe the Bible? Why indeed?

His hatred of God and the Bible won’t help him to be saved or have any more mercy shown to him after death when he answers for his sins at the judgment.

looks like another attempt on the side of the dark to discredit the bible and the factual words that are in it, for God wrote it and I believe it!!!!!!!it was written thingd like this would happen as well as other events and false teachings would happen as well as mis-information, this guy is just another tool in accomplishing this task, but as usual, with no sucess, this guy needs to go to Mt.Siani and do what moses did not do……………JUMP!!!.

WHO IS THIS THAT DARKENS MY COUNSEL WITH WORDS WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE?

Its astonishing how Jews time and time again reveal themselves to be the ones who have the most contempt for God and His Word.

Yes…uh-huh…and Samson was on steroids and Jesus Christ ascended into a mother ship from the planet Playtex. What a truly pathetic idiot.

Sometimes things are just better left alone. These are sacred stories.

What a sick, nasty excuse for a man Bennie is. He follows the typical leftist approach of saying bad, baseless things about anybody or anything that is viewed as good by normal people. I predict that he will soon be receiving recruiting calls from his fellow sickos at several American universities.

One reason I believe in God is because of sea horses. They are so cute… Anyway, one does not have to hallucinate to see them, and they still exist. But for how long with the lack of environmental concern? Maybe during Moses’ day, there was a bush that actually burned and did speak from the heavens, or snakes that looked like wood, but maybe they all went extinct? Whatever. I believe Moses over a professor of cognitive psychology…Though historical uses of botanical plants I find interesting. I would be interested in reading a book about uses of botanical plants during that time period and region.

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT DOPE???????

ITS A SHAME THESE LOONIES ARE REFERRED TO AS SCHOLARS.I BET HE ONLY TAKES SEASONAL SHOWERS AND DRIVES A OUTBACK SUBARU

There’s plenty more, including Texas primary results, which guns are best for shooting, why liberals hate Fox News, and so forth. You’re welcome to go through it.

And if you want to play the drinking game version, take a drink each time someone

• accuses the professor of being on drugs instead of Moses
• remarks that if the professor had said this about Mohammad, the Islamofascists would want him dead
• trots out Pascal’s Wager

You’ll be unconscious by page six.