Star Wars fans are angry. Very angry. It seems that sometime back a fan/director by the name of Kyle Newman made a short film about some Star Wars nerds who break into Skywalker Ranch to steal a copy of The Phantom Menace for a friend. Who is dying. Of cancer. Sounds like a comedy gold-mine, right? Well, the Weinstein Company, who picked up the distribution rights for Newman’s short decided that, in a recut and expanded version, maybe children dying of cancer wouldn’t sit well with your average film-goer.
And then a great darkness was felt in the force, as these brave, noble fanboys rose up as one to protest this great injustice. How, you may ask? Why by launching a life-time boycott of every film released by the Weinstein Company.
The head of the Weinstein Company, Harvey Weinstein, seems to think he’ll make more money if he rips the heart out of the movie and turns it into another mindless comedy. And he thinks fans like us won’t mind if he recuts FANBOYS so that it portrays Star Wars fans as idiotic criminals who would break into George Lucas’s offices just because they’re hopeless dorks.
Well guess what, Darth Weinstein? We mind. We’re sick of being told what we want to see, by people who have zero respect for their audience. We’re sick of moronic movie studios turning smart movies into dumb ones, because you think dumb sells!
We, the millions of Star Wars fans around the world, aren’t going to take it lying down. This time, you’ve messed with the Rebel Alliance. We hereby demand that the original version of Fanboys be released!!!
If you don’t release the REAL version, we won’t go see it!
We won’t buy the DVD!
AND WE VOW TO BOYCOTT EVERY SINGLE MOVIE RELEASED BY THE WEINSTEIN COMPANY (and DIMENSION FILMS) until you release the original cut of Fanboys!
In case you didn’t get that last part, we’re going to put it in big bold letters.
RELEASE THE ORIGINAL CUT OF FANBOYS OR MILLIONS OF STAR WARS FANS WILL BOYCOTT EVERY SINGLE WEINSTEIN COMPANY FILM!
(Except for maybe Kevin Smith’s movies, because we really like those.
But all of your other movies? BOYCOTT! Lifetime BOYCOTT, Darth Weinstein!!!)
We’ll start with SUPERHERO MOVIE next month, if our demands are not met!
We’re not kidding!
It should come as no surprise to anyone who has ever witnessed nerd fury before that there is an exception to their complete and total lifetime boycott.
But wait, there’s more! What could be the most effective way of contacting the Weinstein Company about your unhappiness? A co-ordinated letter-writing campaign? Polite, well-reasoned missives clearly articulating your point? Or rude and angry e-mail carpet bombings of everyone who works for the company? Oh, and don’t forget to call the people involved in the decision “cute” names. Nothing tells people you’re a serious grown-up more than calling them a Brill-O-Head.
Of course, the real question is: is the film they’re so up in arms about worth all this anger? Well, here are some fan reviews:
Quite simply, Fanboys is a film that Kevin Smith wishes he would have made. The film has a lot of the same elements as a Kevin Smith movie except Fanboys has one major advantage, it has been directed.
While I don’t want to spoil all of the people who appear in the movie, as seeing them pop up during the second half is quite fun, a scene that made my friends and I laugh out loud featured an appearance by the one and only Harry Knowles, the Ain’t it Cool News master chief.
One of the main characters only listens to Rush and the songs The Spirit of Radio and Red Barchetta play a big part in some of the action. And Weezer. Any film that uses anything off Weezer’s Blue CD gets big thumbs up from me.
Finally, I think we need to let the mass murdering villain of Watchmen have the last word on this one:
Respect the fanboys, damn it.
by AdrianVeidt Jan 14th, 2008
04:12:04 PM
Honestly, if you’re going to call yourself that, then fucking respect those that you are basing the movie off of – us the fans. We are the ones who made Star Wars what it still is today. We are the ones who make it live on, and always live on, through posters and memorabilia and every ounce of marketing that we embrace as collector’s items. We are the ones that could finally have a voice and a representation in a movie named after us. Respect us. Respect us as we desperately cry out for you to keep the soul of this movie intact.
One can’t help but imagine Harvey Weinstein, munching on a bagel first thing in the morning and then stopping as he comes across such impassioned rhetoric. He pauses for a moment, perhaps letting the words wash over him. Maybe he finds that there’s a glimmer of truth buried in this madness. Then he gets up, goes to the refrigerator, and grabs the light cream cheese and gets on with his day.
