• Published:March 3rd, 2008
• Comments:No Comment
• Category:Message Boards, Movies

IMDB’s message boards are marvelous places to peruse if you ever want to find endless reasons to hate your fellow man. It’s also a place of great passion and activism. The world’s most avid movie fans gather there to tear down the movie folks they hate and boost the ones they love. For instance, this thread on how The Rock can boost his career, inexplicably placed in the Dark Knight message threads:

Dwayne Johnson, also known as The Rock, Rocky Maivia, The Brauma Bull, and the People’s Champ is a man who has unlimited potential. I firmly believe that he can become an actor among the likes of Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, or George Clooney. He simply needs to have the right image and land the right roles. I hope to help him succeed in his quest to become a serious actor, and not just go to the Oscars to present an award. Here’s the plan:

Change the image. Dwayne simply needs an image overhaul, physically among other things. So,
1. Grow out the hair (On the head and on the face)
2. Lose some muscle and trim down.
3. Get paler (ditch the fake tan)

Once he has done that, here are some sure shot movie ideas I have come up with:
1. He plays an abusive father dealing with the death of his eldest son and his painful, crippling, debilitating alcoholism.

2. He plays an Argentinean intellectual who is arrested and taken to a concentration camp in the Argentine countryside with his wife during the so called “Dirty War” of the late 1970s. [spoilers]He dies in the end[/spoilers]

3. He plays an Army officer who proudly served his country in Vietnam. However, he is forced to retire due to an early onset of Alzheimer’s. As his mind slowly starts to slip away, he tries to reconnect with his estranged family before the end. Cue the sad music (I suggest the Johnny Cash cover of The Beatles’ “In My Life”).

Let me know what you guys think. What stuff works?

Later in the thread, some spoilsport reminds “watchoutforbears” that Dwayne Johnson is, in fact, part Samoan, and so his “fake tan” is not in fact fake. But “watchoutforbears” is ready for that:

I know he’s part Samoan, but I think he could expand his horizons if he bleaches his skin tone a little bit. Actors do it all the time (or tan). Studios are pricks and they are all about accuracy. I could definitely work with it. Argentina, obviously. Also, I will just say his last name is Diaz or Ramirez. Boo yah!

Done got served, son.