• Published:April 11th, 2008
• Comments:2 Comments
• Category:Fan Fiction

Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice is perhaps the first and most enduring source of fan fiction, since most romance novels would not exist without her influence. And some of that fan fiction is rather frightening:

From Jane Austen’s Land of Ahhhs:

Master Under Good Regulation
This is the story of Pride and Prejudice as seen through the eyes of Reggie, Mr. Darcy’s dog. Reggie has a keen perception of things going on around him and the story begins with Darcy as a young boy of 15, picking Reggie out from a litter. We see the two of them become close companions as Darcy grows up and enters the story of Pride and Prejudice that Jane Austen penned. But the story also takes you to those silent months and behind the scenes where Reggie has much on which to reflect, comment, and intervene.

Lizzy, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: A Sardines Epic
An affectionate parody of literary favorites, in this tongue-in-cheek adventure, when Lizzy Bennet agrees to play a game of sardines with the Bingleys and Mr. Darcy while her ailing sister slumbers, she can have no notion of where this innocent game will lead her, and in what kind of peril she will find herself when she chooses to hide in Miss Bingley’s wardrobe and instead finds herself in a strange world unlike anything she could ever have dreamed, and where things happen that may very well change the course of her life.

Emotional Hangover

Liz Bennett was bursting at the seams. She could not wait to tell the rest of the band the news. Their manager, or as she fondly called him, daddy, had just called and told her that they had been booked to be the opening act for Vicious Innocence, on their tour. Jenny, Lisa, Marianne, and Lottie, the rest of the girls who made up Emotional Hangover, were all looking at her expectantly

“Well?” Marianne prompted. “What did he say? Are we booked?”

“YES!” Liz announced. Cheers resounded from the rest of the group. They were finally getting another tour. And not just any tour; A tour with the number one rock band in the country.

“I knew it! I knew it!” Lisa screeched. “How could they possibly turn down us? Bet the boys took one look at our pictures, thought, “Wow, they are hot!” and that was that!” Everyone laughed at Lisa. The youngest in the band, only 17, all she cared about was boys and clothes. “Seriously though, we are sooo lucky that we get to tour with the most eligible bachelors on the face of this earth, not to mention the hottest!” Lisa said.

“I’m just happy that we finally have our big break. Opening for Vicious Innocence means that we get to perform in front of millions of people. It’s the best way to get to the top of the charts.” Lottie said.

“I agree with both of you.” Jenny said who was the oldest at 24 and always was trying to be the peace maker. “This tour is going to be huge for us, and it doesn’t hurt that there will be some eye candy for us on our trip to the top.”

‘Amen, sistah friend!” Marianne yelled…..

On Thin Ice

St. Cloud State University Rink Penalty Box: Orchestra, Meet my Skate
Predictably, as she was unlacing her skates, HE plopped down on the bench beside her.
Jerome Kush.
He was breathtaking.
He knew it.
He had absolutely no qualms about tooting his own horn.
In fact, he didn’t just have one horn.
He had an entire orchestra.
He attached himself to every female unfortunate enough to enter his line of vision.
Well, every female who wasn’t her.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t made a valiant effort to win her affections.
He had.
His determination to woo her began when they were three.
Maybe his approach is the problem.
“Drake,” he cooed.
Lecherously, he waggled his eyebrows.
“This time, I’m gonna make you an offer you CAN’T refuse.”
Well, there’s a come-on I haven’t heard since practice this afternoon.
Does he honestly believe stealing pick-up lines from the Godfather will get him laid?
“What offer am I expected to not refuse THIS time, Jerome,” she indignantly spat.
He stroked her upper thigh.
“I’ll show you my stick, if you show me your puck.”

Skin Deep
That one touch seemed to ignite both the young men as they seemingly dived for each other. Both shirts were removed before they allowed themselves that long-awaited, much-fantasised kiss. They both fell upon an armchair nearby, Wickham beneath, Darcy on his lap. Henry strained closer so their chests touched, and they kissed most vigorously until George’s brain hurt from denying himself of air for so long. He forcedly broke off the embrace; Darcy dazedly opened his eyes, his lips red and bruised. He stared at George’s lips in shock for a moment, and was about to open in his mouth to speak, when his wits rapidly snuffed out as George began to slowly lick and suck his neck.

Of course, with mouths and tongues wandering around with such abandon, hands were bound to imitate. But when George ran his hand down young Darcy’s chest, through the sporadic chest hair and settled directly on the front of his breeches, he was more than surprised. He arched back against the chair arm so rapidly that he ended up knocking his head on a decorative and serendipitously appropriate statue of Eros placed next to it. Again this brought him briefly back to his senses, again he attempted to halt this exciting event, and again George disarmed him with the ease and skill of a rake.