“Pony, actually,” Whizzer corrected. “My name’s Whizzer and I’m looking for Mr. Kent! It’s an emergency!”


by evilolive

That’s right. We’re back and unafraid to give you the pure, uncut genius of fanfiction. This time around, we focus on Hasbro’s most popular toy line based on pastel-colored mammals. First up is the sure-to-be-classic Superman in Ponyland, which…uh, well…

Whizzer made it down to Metropolis in record time. She spotted the Daily Planet building, and flew for it, flapping her wings as hard as she could. She found and open window, and flew right into it. It happened to be Mr. White’s office, and he, Clark Kent, and Lois Lane were in the office when she flew in.

“What the . . . .” Clark said, a little dumbfounded.

“Great Caesar’s ghost!” Mr. White shouted. “Another one!”

“It’s . . . . it’s a flying horse!” Lois shouted.

“Pony, actually,” Whizzer corrected. “My name’s Whizzer and I’m looking for Mr. Kent! It’s an emergency!”

“I’m Mr. Kent,” Clark said, walking over to the pink Twinkle Eyed Pegasus. “What’s the emergency?”

“We need Superman to come to Ponyland, and Jimmy said that you were the only one who could contact Superman. We really need you to contact him now, Mr. Kent. Julie, Tommy, and Jimmy are trapped inside a cave and a big, mean dragon is trying to get them!”

“I can’t understand a word she says,” Mr. White said. “Slow down! You’re going too fast! What am I saying?! I’m talking to a pony!”

In case that was a little too pure for your tastes, we offer up My Little Psycho: The Butterfly Island Massacre

“YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO TASTE MY HATRED!” bellowed Waterfire with a maniacal gleam in her eye.

Waterfire took her beach umbrella, shook it free of sand, closed it, and then rammed it’s point into Seascape’s eye socket.

The whole beach was silent except for Seascape’s screams echoing off of the water, and the ripping and tearing noises that were being made by Waterfire rotating and grinding the umbrella around Seascape’s eye cavity.

The silence was broken as Seascape fell to the ground and stopped moving. The Pony Police would classify her death as ‘heart attack brought on by stress, fear, and pain’, but Seascape really died because she was a little bitch.

Every single pony screamed, and ran for their lives. Waterfire smiled grimly, and knew that she had to hurry and catch them all. After all, she couldn’t afford if one of them escaped and told the Pony Police.

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4 Comments

  1. Clearly, there’s a problem here: If Whizzer was with Jimmy, then why didn’t he use his signal watch? Answer me that, Erin T. Aardvark.

    #1 Chris Sims

  2. It was established in a previous story that large deposits of Ponybdenum in Ponyland interfere with the signal watch.

    #2 Dave Lartigue

  3. Oh! Good catch!

    #3 Chris Sims

  4. I guess you guys have been hanging out on different websites than I have. This stuff is SERIOUSLY demented…and yet, bizarrely compelling.

    #4 Sallyp

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