• Published:June 24th, 2008
• Comments:17 Comments
• Category:Comics, Movies, The Crazy

So, here’s some grade-a batshit conservative commentary on, of all things, the X-Men’s Jean Grey and and movies where women are unfaithful. Apparently the fact that Jean Grey is conflicted about her feelings with Wolverine (you know, like almost anyone would be if given the choice between Cyclops and the guy that makes Andrew WK look like a party novice) is unbearable. Now, you might ask yourself, why would someone who has such a rabidly conservative stance even bother with the X-Men, the clumsiest metaphor for racism and homophobia that’s chugged down the pike in forever? Because - get this - she loves superheroes. But not superhero comics. Excerpts? Oh, I’ve got them:

Now my son, as previously mentioned, has a Playstation. It shouldn’t surprise you that we own three different X-Men games (X-Men Legends, X-Men Legends II and X-Men “the official game”). We also have Ultimate Alliance, which I think is cool. (I like playing Storm. She rocks.) We’ve also seen (and own on DVD) all three X-Men movies. Watching those movies for the first time I didn’t know much of anything about the Marvel superheroes or the X-Men specifically. After the first movie I was hooked. I love the X-Men now.
Of course, I really got the impression throughout all three movies that they were trying hard to correlate mutants with homosexuality without actually flat out saying it, though. That really irritated the hell out of me. Still, awesome movies nonetheless..

Yes, because you can remove the themes of tolerance and taking the high road from X-Men and have something that’s more interesting than the Great Lake Avengers. Uh-huh.

Here’s what really, seriously, totally ticked me off about X-Men right off the bat. The Jean Grey, Wolverine, Cyclops thing. That totally pissed me off in like the first two minutes. Then I find out this has been pretty much going on in the comics, too. (I got that second hand though, having never actually read the comics.) Then I see in the video games much is made about this little love triangle as well. Apparently, it’s just awesome.

My first reaction? Cyclops is a total idiot. He’s should dump that slut and let her go have her fling with Wolverine. Seriously. Screw her, she’s a total “ho”. Cyclops can do much, much better. Better yet, he needs to snatch her aside one good time and make it perfectly clear that the drooling over Wolverine is unacceptable. Either drop the fantasies about Wolvie or hit the road. Bottom line. Just how damned much more disrespectful and flat out insulting can you be to your spouse than that? Other than actually cheating on them and making no secret of it, you can’t be!

Heaven forbid characters show some human flaws in order to make them more interesting for an audience. That’d be just silly, wouldn’t it?

I hate all three of these boneheads. Cyclops is an idiot for not laying down the law with Jean Grey the second her interest in Wolverine became apparent. Jean Grey is a fool for playing with Wolverine when she’s married. Wolverine is just a whore and really needs Cyclops to blast him in the face a couple dozen times to get the message across.

All three need a good, solid smack upside the head.

I don’t think it’s the fictional characters that need a “good, solid smack” in this case. I really don’t. Because - get this - they’re not real. You can just leave them be in their nice little world and go read and watch movies where married people lead happy little lives and make out with each other and have chaste, missionary-position sex with the blinds closed and the lights out every third Thursday.

OK, so fannish whining aside, there’s a feminist message buried in all this, or so “Mary Contrary” thinks:

There yah go. Even a 12 year old boy can see what most adult women these days are completely blind to. That’s pretty discouraging. To most adult women these days Jean Grey is just awesome. They aspire to Jean Grey-ness. God help the men they manage to hoodwink into a relationship with them.

What. Most adult women can’t tell you who Jean Grey is, I’m quite sure.

Mary goes on and on about infidelity in movies before stating this:

Let me close this minor rant with a reaffirmation of my conservative Christian fanatic status. I believe adultery should be outlawed (as in “against the law”). Further, I believe it should be a capitol crime. Jean Grey is whore and should be stigmatized as such. Both women from Bridges of Madison County and Unfaithful should have been arrested, convicted and put to death.
Publicly.
On television.
The same television that currently spews out show after show, movie after movie glorifying adultery.

Holy. Shit. She is calling for the public execution of fictional characters. Just drink that in for a moment. This is a woman who calls herself a Christian who’s demanding that the governent round up and kill three women that don’t exist because they cheated on their spouses. (She’s also ignoring the fact that Diane Lane’s character in Unfaithful finds herself going through no small amount of misery because of her infidelity, an argument for sticking with Richard Gere even when there’s a handsome young artist who does things with his tongue that make your knees week.)

I don’t remember Jesus Christ saying anything like that in the New Testament. Or did Christians get their name from another guy with the same last name who was all about brute-force punishment instead of understanding?

(Also, for the love of pete, nobody tell her about Emma Frost.  We’d end up with a six-megaton brain blast wiping out tens of thousands of innocents.)

Special thanks to K.D. Bryan for bringing this person to our attention.