I accept that they made it a little too camp however there is a big difference between Alpha Centuri and the Flumps or the Teletubbies.


by Ted Grant

Oh, let’s take another peek at the Doctor Who fans, shall we?

User “sparacus” is unhappy with the look of a new monster on the show:

I can’t believe that even RTD would introduce an alien into the series that makes the Mr Men & Teletubbies look mature. If its true then these ‘creations’ will rank as the worst aliens in the Who canon.

What follows is a long conversation between “sparacus” and other board users on the “seriousness” of other Who-monsters and, well, how much better than the actual show “sparacus” thinks his fan-fiction is…

If they are real ‘monsters’ then words fail me. They look like something off a Kelloggs Cornflake ad aimed at kids or some pre-school programme. I accept that the context of the episode could be better than their appearance suggests , after all the Candyman looked ridiculous but ‘The Happiness Patrol’ as a story was good. However these risible things make the Clangers look intimidating and mature.

The point is that still image or not they look ridiculous. Clearly the production team (assuming they arn’t a hoax) think that they will appeal to young children. Fine. But Doctor Who is not a Cbeebies programme for the 2-5 age group. This is the programme that gave us the Daleks, Morbius, Sutekh…..

The Slitheen were a rubbery, blubbery disaster. The wind-breaking jokes were completely inappropriate for Doctor Who. I also notice that they have not been included in the new ‘Ultimate Monsters’ Battles in Times card series, so low is their status among fans.

I’m reading “Crystal”. It features Kittens clawing out a guys eyes and Tigers massacaring woman and children.

Fart jokes are inappropriate?!

Doctor Who has always featured elements of violence. Torchwood even more so. My episodes contain a degree of horror as they reflect aspects of the classic Hinchcliffe era. However I do not include characters that evoke the Mr Men or Weebles.

Political correctness and representation of minorities is sweeping across Britain and The Doctor and Ben hold the only key to stop it. But in a world where snobbery is in decline, who’s side is Ben on?

The point is that Alpha Centuri was intended to be a serious alien. It was a transgendered thing neither male or female and this is why it behaved the way it did. I accept that they made it a little too camp however there is a big difference between Alpha Centuri and the Flumps or the Teletubbies.

My characters a real people with good and bad qualities. If you compare Ben Chatham or Katie Ryan with the Slitheen or Adipose I think you will find that it isn’t the former that evoke CBBC.

Ben is a sophisticated post-modern hero with a full range of non-stereotypical character elements.

Of course not. However these Adipose things are completely unbelievable and unrealistic. Cartoony things like that couldn’t possibly exist. At least the Candyman could be explained as a robot.

This is an absolute insult to Doctor Who and I can only assume its an excercise in self-indulgent sending up of the show by the production team. I accept that small ‘humorous’ creatures in sci fi can also be convincing (think the Tribbles in Star Trek) however these Adipose are just ridiculous. Blobs of fat coming to life with cartoon mouths , why not go the whole hog and have the TARDIS land on the Clangers’ planet before Roobarb the dog joins the team for an encounter with Bagpuss and Professor Yaffle.

Insult to Doctor who? Coming from you, the bloke who thinks that the Doctor should hang out with snobbish alcoholics, who makes the Doctor come second to a scumbag, coming from the creator of Chatham. It’s just a joke.

And have you just presented us with the plan for your next fanfic?

My stories maintain the integrity of Doctor Who. Whether you like Ben Chatham or not, he is still a serious character. Thiese things however are pre-school.

Part of me is hoping that “sparacus” is fully committed to an elaborate hoax, that he’s only pretending to play the pretentious fan-fic writer who thinks he can do better than the people who are actually paid to do the show for a living, but, well…



3 Comments

  1. All of Sparacus’ posts should carry the disclaimer “The views expressed within this post are solely those of the author and in no represent those of DW fandom as a whole”. He is seriously warped and gives us DW fans a bad name. Which is really an achievement when you consider our reputation in the first place…

    #1 Jared Hansen

  2. Ah, yes, Sparacus – the self-obssessed, snobbish absintheholic nobody who lives in a complete fantasy world where the Doctor Who production team have not only heard of his shitty fanfiction characters, but are actively interested in them.

    Seriously, most of Doctor Who fandom is a cut above that, although that might seem like damning with very faint praise.

    #2 Colin Hicks

  3. Can I mention where Mark Goacher works here?

    No? Bugger.

    What about mentioning that Michael Lockhart is a talentless halfwit with obvious penis envy?

    No to that, too? Ha ha, but I just did! My evil plan has come to fruition (just like my last one did, wink wink!)

    #3 Leonard Brenda Hatred

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