• Published:April 28th, 2009
• Comments:1 Comment
• Category:News Comments, The Crazy

In a tragic piece of financial meltdown news, the CFO of Freddie Mac recently committed suicide.

To people who subscribe to a certain mindset, this is not a moment to stop and think for a moment about the man and his family.

No, to these people it’s a moment to indulge in bizarre anti-Obama conspiracy theories.

I believe he was murdered he had too much info and was probably going to tell all,I dont think it was suicide at all,it happened when the clintons was enpowered also.he had a family and his wife had no clue why he would do this sounds fishy too me and i heard yesterday he had guards at his house last month.it was MURDER!

Regardless of whether is was suicide or not, barney franks and chris dodd and john conyers, jesse jackson, diane feinstein, and nacy pelosi are responsible for this death and they should all be charged with murder

This sort of tragedy does seem to follow when democrats when scandals are concerned. This guy was under an awful lot of pressure lately, but O has his own brownshirt army to take care of things like this. I hope the police are doing the appropriate interviews in the neighborhood. Was ACORN have a rally nearby?

I think he was going to blow the whistle on the spineless weasles in Washington and Freddie. Some maybe Chicago Thugs??? killed him. It is easy to look like suicide in a hangin. Ya know, Never knew anyone thank God who did it, but get on a stool, find a hanging device and say your peace. However, Shooting yourself or knifing yourself would be more difficult to prove . He was young, financially set, a small child, I would like to read the SUICIDE??? note. Bet there is not one.

A family man,with a young child,with no apparent reasons to end his life does NOT commit suicide in his own home…by hanging!!! …and leave no suicide note.
Who would believe a father wanting his young daughter to find him hanging from a rope in his own house?
Give us a break!How stupid do you think we,american people who voted for Obama,are?…may be the Democrats are right,we must be stupid…

If the DEMs suggest that you “fall on your sword” and you don’t, they’ll be happy to bring the sword to you. Funny how the suicide rate among business and government officials goes up during DEMONcratic Administrations.

I believe that he did not kill himself just like JFK wasn’t assassinated. I wonder who is next. The CIA is alot stronger than even the White House when it comes to revealing people in the field. Maybe the Obama administration needs to be investigated a little bit after he gets out of office….To see if he is even a real U.S. citizen… If he was all that of a lawyer why did he want to be President? They make more money…

This smells too much like White Water and all of the people who just “happened to die.” This young man must have had a world of pressure on him. He came up through the ranks at Freddie…why would he just want to up and kill himself? I believe with all of my heart there is something behind this. I believe the Keystone Cop Administration could have blood on their hands…either way.

There is an Old Saying, that the Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions.
So for all the liberals, and conservatives, Where Exactly are we headed?
It is Past time, toTake careful consideration, and Deliberate on the Goal. Keep America Safe! This Includeds, The Borders and Ports security, Along with Illegal Immigration Control. Not to mention the Drug Cartel’s and the War on Terror> Calling it another name, is not going to change the Facts!
A rose by any other name?
However, you may be Reclassified, Tried and Exposed for the Fraud they, say it is? Try to Differentiate, between the Wright and the Right, and the Wrong is Still Wrong, and learn to tell the differance!
Then Vote, come Nov 2010, and again in 2012, With “ALL” the “FACTS” at your disposal. Time to Clean House, in “ALL” Three Branches of Gov’t! Especially Congress and Senate, and the Judicial Branch too. Then the White House!
Get back to the Founding Documents and Bill of Rights!

It is all about confusing issues, and playing with words and meaning. Part of the Playbook.
It is an attack on our basic values. After awhile the stupid uneducated don’t know what to think and are lead by the Nose!
They are aganist the Death Penalty, But will Kill babies. They are aganist Water Boarding, but treat anyone with different ideas with Hate.
Like in 1984 they double speak, all meanings are twisted to mean less, and lose inpact. They talk of Accountability, but look the other way, and protect their own. They promise transparity, but don’t show us what they are doing until it’s done. Honesty is an excuse to Lie and Cheat. Getting caught means it is time to move on. They keep throwing these violations one after the other to keep us spinning. They toss Trillions of Dollars into a hole, and brag about “saving” a 100 Million. This is how they work!
It is all about creating Crsis, and then ‘Saving us” when it is their intent to destroy everything this Country stands for.

Liberals don’t want waterboarding for terrorists, but not a hitch when the liberal crooks try to cover up their dirty linen with a bullet to the head.
Woonder if this poor guy had rather have been waterboarded.

No way this guy committed suicide. If you research the historical patterns of so-called “white-collar” suicides you will rarely if at all do they occur in the home with the spouse and /or children present. The fact that he was discovered in the basement of his own home in the overnight hours is radically different then the suicide profiles you see where the victim removes himself from the home and from family to “clense the shame” they cast. This guy had a 5 year old!!!
Remember this administration is essentially nothing more than Chicago thuggery. People are expendable and “appear and disappear” as needed. I am convinced this guy knew more than he should, uncovered something he should not have or got close the the core and people responsible. No black helicopters here , just look at the facts. I am certain we will never know the truth.

People this is just the beginning. I believe with all my heart this was not suicide. This man knew too much, had a conscience, or, perhaps was getting ready to bcome a whisltle-blower. I really believe this man began at FM with good intentions, but, something happened to him. We are foolish to this was suicide and The OBAMA CAMP didn’t have something to do with it. Let’s take our country back!!!!!!

I’ve written to Fox Broadcasting asking for a sincere apology from or replacement of Janeane Garofalo on “24″ before my household watches the program again.
Their endorsement of global warming (commercial by cast member) alsoo deserves writing campaign.
How bout it? Write to Fox Broadcasting Co. and voice your complaint.

• Published:January 8th, 2009
• Comments:1 Comment
• Category:Comics, News Comments, Politics, The Crazy

It’s hard to pass up the comments on the web-version of a newspaper, USA Today, that so embodies “lowest common denominator” that its print version is delivered daily to hotel room doors around the country. But when that article is about President-Elect Obama being featured in a Spider-Man comic, the comments are just too hilarious to pass up.

Comments seem to fall into a few different categories: Bush-bashing, reverse Bush-bashing/liberal baiting, pedantry, and insanity. But as you’ll see, there are quite a few that fit into the other categories that also fit into insanity.

Bush Bashing

I’m hoping they print it in a large format, so the people who are currently losing their jobs and homes as this little feel-good farce of a presidency gets underway will have something comfy to sleep on …
Maybe they’ll do a George W. Bush retrospective and show how the jobs and home losses came to be.

Hey what do you know, another article that bitter people can trash Obama on for no other reason than retribution for the persecution of their last president’s blundering administration.

Reverse Bush-Bashing/Liberal Baiting

That must be spidy meeting Obama outside a CBC meeting where Obama found proof positive the AIDS virus was invented by GW.

Who new Obama was a cartoon character? Everyone else told me he was the “messiah”!! Now I’m really confused.

It totally works – they’re both fictional superheros.

what do you expect. a liberal commie indoctrinating kids thru childrens books and comics.
everywhere you go,you see this studdering buffoon.

Pedantry

(these first three appear to be a conversation)

This from the guy whose company put out an issue with the Punisher threatening to kill a drunken, evil Bush 43. Liar.

Cite, please.

Late 2001, Punisher series vol.4. I want to say issue #5, but don’t have the comic here to verify.

I’ve got no problem with Marvel capitalizing on the the new President to sell some comics. I do have a problem that they purposely short-printed the comic to reward the hoarders and scalpers.

Of course, if you hadn’t told me that was Obama in the picture, I never would have guessed. It looks nothing like him.

Insanity

Amazing!!! The first US president whose very existence is putting food on the tables of many americans. I am a spiderman fan myself. I never liked Superman and how he has been over-rated. Obama needs to get in touch with me so that we can talk a lot more about Spiderman. I would love it.

U.S. of KKK, white supremist America, America engaged in genocide against blacks, U.S. invented AIDS, Obama elected president
Never never never — Burris — well maybe — well okay — CBC endorsed — hell yes
yeah, things are just now getting ridiculous — oh, I like Obama too.

Well….my son has now lost total respect for his favorite superhero – Spiderman.

Talk about squashing a little boy’s world.

(Here’s a quick back and forth between two commenters. The second commenter’s supercilious attitude is palpable through his terrible spelling and grammar, and for that alone I laugh.)

Hey spud799………You’re just upset, because GWB wasn’t decent enough to be in the superhero comics…..EAT YOUR HEART OUT!!!!!! BAO has the smarts and the integrity to be a decent President for ALL of America…….not just for the greedy rich!!

Get you acronyms right if your going to criticize. BAO? I think the correct I.D. is BHO.
Scouts Out!

“Obama collectibles” – oxymoron
Marvel comics – trying to shamelessly cash in on the hype
What’s next ? A Nancy Pelosi “fake beard”, a Harry Reid autographed bottle of suppositories?

I hope that when the Chicago mess gets even worse and all of “O”s corruption becomes, finally, public, Spiderman will come to the rescue and bring him to justice….and put him behind bars where he belongs!

Get off the internet, people. Get off the internet forever.

Bonus Actual hilarity! I didn’t expect to see anything like this on USA Today:

All I know is that somebody needs to get a radioactive spider to bite Paul Volcker. Because right now, I think what we need is a superhuman economist.

• Published:June 24th, 2008
• Comments:18 Comments
• Category:Comics, Movies, The Crazy

So, here’s some grade-a batshit conservative commentary on, of all things, the X-Men’s Jean Grey and and movies where women are unfaithful. Apparently the fact that Jean Grey is conflicted about her feelings with Wolverine (you know, like almost anyone would be if given the choice between Cyclops and the guy that makes Andrew WK look like a party novice) is unbearable. Now, you might ask yourself, why would someone who has such a rabidly conservative stance even bother with the X-Men, the clumsiest metaphor for racism and homophobia that’s chugged down the pike in forever? Because – get this – she loves superheroes. But not superhero comics. Excerpts? Oh, I’ve got them:

Now my son, as previously mentioned, has a Playstation. It shouldn’t surprise you that we own three different X-Men games (X-Men Legends, X-Men Legends II and X-Men “the official game”). We also have Ultimate Alliance, which I think is cool. (I like playing Storm. She rocks.) We’ve also seen (and own on DVD) all three X-Men movies. Watching those movies for the first time I didn’t know much of anything about the Marvel superheroes or the X-Men specifically. After the first movie I was hooked. I love the X-Men now.
Of course, I really got the impression throughout all three movies that they were trying hard to correlate mutants with homosexuality without actually flat out saying it, though. That really irritated the hell out of me. Still, awesome movies nonetheless..

Yes, because you can remove the themes of tolerance and taking the high road from X-Men and have something that’s more interesting than the Great Lake Avengers. Uh-huh.

Here’s what really, seriously, totally ticked me off about X-Men right off the bat. The Jean Grey, Wolverine, Cyclops thing. That totally pissed me off in like the first two minutes. Then I find out this has been pretty much going on in the comics, too. (I got that second hand though, having never actually read the comics.) Then I see in the video games much is made about this little love triangle as well. Apparently, it’s just awesome.

My first reaction? Cyclops is a total idiot. He’s should dump that slut and let her go have her fling with Wolverine. Seriously. Screw her, she’s a total “ho”. Cyclops can do much, much better. Better yet, he needs to snatch her aside one good time and make it perfectly clear that the drooling over Wolverine is unacceptable. Either drop the fantasies about Wolvie or hit the road. Bottom line. Just how damned much more disrespectful and flat out insulting can you be to your spouse than that? Other than actually cheating on them and making no secret of it, you can’t be!

Heaven forbid characters show some human flaws in order to make them more interesting for an audience. That’d be just silly, wouldn’t it?

I hate all three of these boneheads. Cyclops is an idiot for not laying down the law with Jean Grey the second her interest in Wolverine became apparent. Jean Grey is a fool for playing with Wolverine when she’s married. Wolverine is just a whore and really needs Cyclops to blast him in the face a couple dozen times to get the message across.

All three need a good, solid smack upside the head.

I don’t think it’s the fictional characters that need a “good, solid smack” in this case. I really don’t. Because – get this – they’re not real. You can just leave them be in their nice little world and go read and watch movies where married people lead happy little lives and make out with each other and have chaste, missionary-position sex with the blinds closed and the lights out every third Thursday.

OK, so fannish whining aside, there’s a feminist message buried in all this, or so “Mary Contrary” thinks:

There yah go. Even a 12 year old boy can see what most adult women these days are completely blind to. That’s pretty discouraging. To most adult women these days Jean Grey is just awesome. They aspire to Jean Grey-ness. God help the men they manage to hoodwink into a relationship with them.

What. Most adult women can’t tell you who Jean Grey is, I’m quite sure.

Mary goes on and on about infidelity in movies before stating this:

Let me close this minor rant with a reaffirmation of my conservative Christian fanatic status. I believe adultery should be outlawed (as in “against the law”). Further, I believe it should be a capitol crime. Jean Grey is whore and should be stigmatized as such. Both women from Bridges of Madison County and Unfaithful should have been arrested, convicted and put to death.
Publicly.
On television.
The same television that currently spews out show after show, movie after movie glorifying adultery.

Holy. Shit. She is calling for the public execution of fictional characters. Just drink that in for a moment. This is a woman who calls herself a Christian who’s demanding that the governent round up and kill three women that don’t exist because they cheated on their spouses. (She’s also ignoring the fact that Diane Lane’s character in Unfaithful finds herself going through no small amount of misery because of her infidelity, an argument for sticking with Richard Gere even when there’s a handsome young artist who does things with his tongue that make your knees week.)

I don’t remember Jesus Christ saying anything like that in the New Testament. Or did Christians get their name from another guy with the same last name who was all about brute-force punishment instead of understanding?

(Also, for the love of pete, nobody tell her about Emma Frost.  We’d end up with a six-megaton brain blast wiping out tens of thousands of innocents.)

Special thanks to K.D. Bryan for bringing this person to our attention.

• Published:June 2nd, 2008
• Comments:10 Comments
• Category:News Comments, The Crazy

Forbes.com is the “Home Page for the World’s Business Leaders” according to their website. The comments, on the other hand, seem to be the playground for the world’s craziest internet users.

For example, in a thread about the world’s richest billionaires, we have a guy asking the billionaires to throw some cash his way.

hi my name is val i am appealing with knees bow down to all rich guys to please help me help others who are in need I am a filipino citizen that would like to help poor people that eats once a day, street children, begging in the streets just to meet their need. A few hundred dollars will do. Pleeeaaase. My email is: syaoran_2@yahoo.com. Thank You and may God Bless U.

Because everyone knows that Forbes.com comments are like the Batphone for billionaires.

Here’s another commenter who wants funding for his books, one of which is in English! Hooray!

I AM A TRUTH SEEKER WANTS TO DEVOTE MY REST OF MY LIFE FOR SELF-ENQUIRY.THOUGH IAM A MEDICAL DOCTOR 57YRS I AM INTERSTED TO KNOW THE NATURE OF SELF.I WANT TO RENOUNCE MY PRACTICE SO THAT I CAN DEVOTE MY WHOLE ENERGY AND TIME IN PENANCE AND SELF-ENQUIRY.CAN ANY BROADMINDED BILLIONARE OUT OF 1125 IS READY TO SPONSOR ME.I WROTE BOOKS ON SELF-ENQUIRY ONE OF OF WHICH IS WRITTEN IN EHGLISH.I AM WORKING ON SELF-ENQUIRY FOR THE PAST 35YRS.THOSE WHO WANT TO COME FORWAD TO HELP ME IN THIS NOBLE TASK OF DEVOTING LIFE TO EXPLORE SELF KINDLY CONTACT drrajunsp@yahoo.co.in FOR FURTHER DETAILS.
THANKING YOU

And of course, how could it be Forbes.com without a subtle right-wing stab at government spending, even if his math is a little completely wrong.

The U.S. annual deficit, (the amount over the annual budget), is:
$648 Billion Dollars
The net worth of U.S. Billionaires is:
$421 Billion Dollars
If we took the net worth away from these billionaires, it still could not cover the annual deficit.
Just remember this the next time some congressman or senator says the solution is to tax the rich.
The answer is to control spending.

But what really jumped out at me was the cascading craziness of a poster going by the nom-de-bonkers momboo.

Posted by momboo | 05/14/08 10:24 AM EDT
my net worth of U.S. Billionaires is $1.2 billion dollars to $1.6 billion dollars and i think you good people to call me if you are going to put me on forbes.magazines me number is (512)203-3488 or billyfootball87@yahoo.co​m
Tags: Billy Wayne Engle Jr

Posted by momboo | 05/14/08 12:50 PM EDT
i am a good friend of Billy Wayne Engle Jr and i thing you are losing a great young billionaire i going to play golf with him next week before Billy go’s to his home in dallas Texas for 2 weeks with his family.
Tags: bill gates

Posted by momboo | 05/14/08 12:55 PM EDT
i am a good friend of Billy Wayne Engle JR and i going on the golf trip to next week and i thing you are losing a great young billionaire. billy is 20 years old and has his plane and cars,houses.
Tags: Donald Trump

Posted by momboo | 05/14/08 01:29 PM EDT
i am worth about $2.8 billion dollars you guy’s don’t care about puting me on the list that fine with me because i will donate money to you if you put me on the list. me accounts are in secret bank account in new york city.
Tags: Billy Wayne Engle Jr

Posted by momboo | 05/19/08 12:50 PM EDT
my name is Billy Wayne Engle Jr and i live just like everyone in world. i met make millions and billions step i had to work hard for this in wrestling and as a Coach and a lifeskills aide for a long time before i get in to be a business man.
Tags: Donald Trump and Bill Gates

Posted by momboo | 05/27/08 09:58 AM EDT
i am warren buffet and i am a close friend of Billy Wayne Engle jr he is worth now him self about $7 billions dollars and his company is worth about $120 billion dollars right now.
Tags: Warren Buffet

It’s hard to quantify what exactly makes this so ridiculous. Is it the references to billions of dollars earned from wrestling and stashed in secret bank accounts in New York? Is it using the comments section of a website to get in touch with billionaires? Is it the fact that he tried to pose as Donald Trump, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffet via the “tag” feature while simultaneously using the same username every time? Or is it that he came back and commented every few days for two weeks on the same post?

Whatever the reason, if he wants to go into business with me, he can contact me through this site, because I am a businessman with billions and want to go into business with business.

• Published:May 23rd, 2008
• Comments:5 Comments
• Category:Fandom, The Crazy

When I saw Bryan Singer’s Superman Returns in 2006 (Was it really that long ago? O, how the days pass, ever fleetingly!), I mainly remember walking out of the theater-plex, thinking, “Well, that was a film. Not the best I’ve ever seen, but not awful, either. It was OK.” Some, however, saw an affront to a beloved character, a call to action! (comics), an inspiration to found SaveSuperman.com.

SaveSuperman.com is a place for fans to come together as a unified group and be able to send a long overdue message to those who run Warner Bros Entertainment. Marvel has proven time and again that it is completely possible to turn a comic book into a film that both comic fans and the general public can enjoy. DC Comics has many heroes, not just Superman, that can be enjoyed the same way. For some unknown reason, Warner Bros just hasn’t figured out how to do it yet. But never fear, help is finally here.

Yes, help in the form of that grand internet tradition, the ineffective online petition-

In response to the interpretation of Superman created by Bryan Singer, that we perceive as portraying our beloved character as being selfish, a stalker, and a dead beat dad, we have joined together with this petition to plead our case that the Superman franchise be restarted from the beginning and placed in the hands of someone who cares about the character and the generations of fans which have supported him, rather than someone who has lucked out in the past on certain films, once and for all placing the character of Superman above corporate greed.

I don’t know about you, but I liked Singer’s luck-filled directing of The Usual Suspects. Luckily, the angry nerds’ demands are quite reasonable-

1. The writers, producers, and director must all have deep knowledge of the character prior to being hired. The writers should have experience in comic book storytelling specifically about Superman and the supporting characters of Superman comics.

AND NOT JUST TRADE PAPERBACK COLLECTIONS. WE’RE TALKING ORIGINAL RUNS, HERE, PEOPLE.

2. The franchise should be built around what made Superman great for generations. Comic films that are made solely for the general public, while forgetting the elements from the comics that fans have supported for decades, will only alienate longtime fans and cause angst…

Because, really, nothing expresses your love for a character like referring to it as a “franchise.”

3. The actors/actresses must not only have the talent to portray their character, but must also have the proper look of the character. As an example, Superman must look like he is in his mid to late 20′s, stand between 6′ 2″ and 6′ 5″ and have an obvious muscular build and wide frame, not the slim swimmer type Bryan Singer went for, with no need of padding or special effects. When looking at the actor, one should immediately think, “Now, that is Superman!”

When looking at that demand, one should immediately think, “Now that is really stupid!”

Perhaps they would be happy having Alex Ross art of the main character just digitally inserted into the scenes, interacting with real actors, with Clutch Cargo lips. Oh, right, though! I almost forgot- another windmill at which these folks tilt is the battle to get Smallville (Jesus, is that still on?) actor Tom Welling cast as the titular hero in the next Superman-based photoplay. Yes, it is another petition (with awesome art by “Mike”).

But if real, direct and measurable action is more to your liking, you also have the chance to send stuffed monkeys to entertainment executives-

For a donation of only $3, you can send a 6″ stuffed monkey to Alan Horn or Jeff Robinov. Each monkey will be tagged with the SaveSuperman.com logo and can be customized with a special message from the sender. There will be two versions giving senders a choice. A regular one with just the logo or one holding a sign that reads “Welling for Superman”.

Want to let the world know that you have grave concern for the issues in this world that really matter? Why not pick up a bumper sticker, complete with “Kryptonian” lettering that was created by some bored comic book writer/artist years ago and is the property of a multi-national entertainment content production company and not at all a REAL FREAKING LANGUAGE. Seriously- you start using this stuff and you’re one small step above those people who hold Klingon language camps in public parks, wearing their sad, sad costumes.

Something to keep checking for in the future- the upcoming promotional videos. Right now, it’s only a casting call and a dream.

Here are the specifications for each role.

Batman: caucasion [sic], dark hair, mid 20′s – 30′s, 6’0″ – 6’3″, well built

Wonder Woman: HAS BEEN CAST

Green Lantern: african american, mid 20′s – 30′s, 6’0″ – 6’3″, body builder

Supergirl: caucasion [sic], blonde, mid 20′s – 30′s, 5’5″ – 5’8, very fit

Flash: caucasion [sic], mid 20′s – 30′s, 5’10″ – 6’0″, well built

Lois Lane: caucasion [sic], dark hair, mid 20′s – 30′s, 5’5″ – 5’8, fit

Superman: caucasion [sic], dark hair, mid 20′s – 30′s, 6’3″ – 6’6″, body builder

Lex Luthor: caucasion [sic], bald/shaved head, mid 20′s – 30′s, 6’0″ – 6’3″, athletic build

Darkseid: any ethnicity, mid 20′s – 30′s, 6’5 – 6’10+, body builder

For more details, send an email with at least one head shot and one full body photo to: casting@savesuperman.com

***Please note this is a non-paying job that could lead to future paying roles.

Yes. The inevitable SaveTheIncredibleHulk.com Web site will be definitely be needing actors for videos after the first weekend that train wreck goes off the cliff.

What else is there? Oh, yes, the forums- You know, I just don’t have the energy to comb through those. You kids go on ahead.

• Published:May 12th, 2008
• Comments:1 Comment
• Category:Politics, The Crazy

The Pill Kills asks you to celebrate “Protest the Pill Day”.

June 7 marks the 43rd anniversary of the U.S. Supreme Court decision Griswold v. Connecticut. This was the first of many decisions that led to the culture of death we live in today.

On that day in 1965, when the U.S. Supreme Court ruled on the Griswold v. Connecticut case, it set a legal precedent for claiming that the Constitution grants women the right to privacy in matters of sexual practice. This meant that Connecticut and the rest of the United States could not stop a married woman from obtaining birth control pills. However, as Judge Andrew Napolitano has pointed out, the constitutional right to privacy has nothing to do with birth control.

The plaintiff was Estelle Griswold, then executive director of the Planned Parenthood League of Connecticut. She and Dr. C. Lee Buxton opened a birth control clinic. They were arrested and fined for selling birth control pills, which was illegal in Connecticut. The case was pushed all the way to the Supreme Court. In other words, Planned Parenthood was breaking the law; yet it turned this case into a legal precedent for selling contraception. Because of the Griswold case and others that followed, unmarried women and teenagers were later permitted to obtain birth control pills.

• Published:April 23rd, 2008
• Comments:24 Comments
• Category:Fandom, The Crazy

There is no shortage of stupidity and cluelessness on the internet, but occasionally one stumbles across something that is above and beyond the usual OTC-grade fan entitlement rants or casual homophobia. I’m talking about idiocy so transcendent and pure that it threatens to create a vortex of despair capable of extinguishing any scrap of faith in humanity one has left.

I’m talking about The Open-Source Boob Project, as explained by “theferret.” The narrative has since been cluttered with all manner of backpedaling and qualifiers, some added since I started work on this post, but it began with this:

“This should be a better world,” a friend of mine said. “A more honest one, where sex isn’t shameful or degrading. I wish this was the kind of world where say, ‘Wow, I’d like to touch your breasts,’ and people would understand that it’s not a way of reducing you to a set of nipples and ignoring the rest of you, but rather a way of saying that I may not yet know your mind, but your body is beautiful.”

In other words, it’s not about objectification…it’s about objectification with the opportunity to cop a feel. Theory turns into (a quite fanfic-ish) reality when one of author’s female acquaintances lets him touch her dirty pillows:

We all reached out in the hallway, hands and fingers extended, to get a handful. And lo, we touched her breasts – taking turns to put our hands on the creamy tops exposed through the sheer top she wore, cupping our palms to touch the clothed swell underneath, exploring thoroughly but briefly lest we cross the line from ‘touching” to “unwanted heavy petting.” They were awesome breasts, worthy of being touched.

And life seemed so much simpler.

And, lo, a movement was born! A proud movement where groping becomes an act of empowerment:

And my God! We all reached out like zombies trying to break through a door to get to those breasts. And it wasn’t getting any worse! We weren’t degenerating into an orgy, but rather exploring the amazement of how beautiful this body was and how wonderful it was to have access to them. Nobody was trying to pull off a bra or suck on a nipple; we’d been given access to a very special place that only lovers usually touched, and why would you be so crude as to try to push the boundaries of that?

And every girl in that hallway was then asked the question: “May I touch your breasts?” They considered, and said yes. And we all did.

Of course, it’s not really a movement unless there’s buttons:

At Penguicon, we had buttons to give away. There were two small buttons, one for each camp: A green button that said, “YES, you may” and a red button that said “NO, you may not.” And anyone who had those buttons on, whether you knew them or not, was someone you could approach and ask:

“Excuse me, but may I touch your breasts?”

And if you weren’t a total lout – the women retained their right to say no, of course – they would push their chests out, and you would be allowed into the sanctity of it. That exchange of happiness where one person are told with gropes and touches that they are desirable and the other is someone who’s allowed to desire.

For a moment, everything that was awkward about high school would fade away and you could just say what was on your mind. It was as though parts of me were being healed whenever I did it, and I touched at least fifteen sets of boobs at Penguicon. It never got old, surprisingly.

So what we’re really talking about is simply an elaborate scheme to steal second base dressed up with copious amounts of Reichean cosmobabble. It takes a dedicated individual to create such an elaborate justification for frat boy behavior.

“theferret” mentions “high school” a few times in his purplish recounting of events, suggesting some past tragedy worthy of Jay Gatsby — only instead of reaching for the green light across the bay, he’s reaching for what’s under the green button.

Lost in all the talk of lost inhibitions and discovered beauty is the lopsided power dynamic inherent in these, ahem, “transactions,” specifically whose “needs” are actually being met gratified. A simple working knowledge of group dynamics (and nerd culture) casts some doubt on the supposedly “opt-in,” “no pressure” consensual nature of the arrangement, as it leaves out questions of peer pressure and the need to belong, not to mention the host of associated issues involving a subculture where insecurities and feelings of isolation are commonly found. All high-falutin’ justifications aside, that shit can’t be exorcised by having a stranger feel you up, though there are plenty folks out there who’ll try to argue otherwise in exchange for the opportunity for a free grope.

The lopsided equation brings up other problems in terms of creating an uncomfortable atmosphere for female con attendees, who even if they choose not to participate in the grope-a-rama have to deal with an atmosphere of semi-sanctioned objectification. A female friend of mine who is a frequent con-attendee found the whole idea to be crude and sophomoric, and said she would categorically refuse to attend an event where such practices occurred. “That shit is bad enough without further encouraging the knuckledraggers,” she added.

As the The Open-Source Boob Project’s mission statement appeared in a LiveJournal post, the comments (seven pages worth before being locked down) were the expected mix of echo-chamber words of encouragement and bombastic outrage, leading to this defensive remark by “theferret”:

It would also lessen the intimacy of straight marriages if gay folks were allowed to get together. That would be sad. Because you know, your definition of what “intimacy” is should be the same as mine, and if mine differs then yours should override me. Because you’re not wrong, of course.

Yes, because the struggle for equal rights and protection under the law is exactly the same as a fanboy’s convoluted plot to touch women’s boobs.

When it became clear that the crusade on behalf of free and easy gropery did not meet the expected public approval, the backpedaling began in earnest with a series of passive-aggressive updates and edits posited to suggest that he didn’t really mean what he clearly stated in the original text…

And the chances that the Project would get fucked up, making con spaces more amenable to hordes of stalkers and mouthbreathers who will grope and maul women, are pretty damn big. Hell, it’s already made women feel less safe by me mentioning it, and that makes me feel like shit. As it should.

The Project itself, at least as done at Penguicon, has been turned by the miracle of reposting into some nightmare of eternal groping, female hunting, and a constant stream of denigration. And while that’s not the way it happened – at least from the perspective of the folks who participated that I’ve heard from who have expressed positive opinions behind f-locked posts because they don’t want to endure the commentstreams that I’m getting…

…It doesn’t matter. Scalzi, as usual, got it right: It was highly context-specific. What happened to us, even if it was good, is not what will happen to you. The danger of it getting out of hand is too great – and already, people worry that they’re going to be press-ganged into a groping area if they don’t have a button, despite the fact that I (and others) have said that’s not what happened at all. But honestly? That easily could happen without proper supervision, male power being what it is…

To which I can only add, “No effing kidding, Einstein.” The Scalzi he mentions above refers to author John Scalzi, who offered some heavily qualified support for the idea behind the project, as well as this howler:

Now, how do I feel about it? Well, philosophically, I think it’s fine: I think it’s reasonable for folks to get used to breasts being a component of a whole human, not these strange, mystical entities there to entice and distract one, and if there’s any place where there are people who could benefit from this lesson, it’s a convention full of computer, science fiction and anime geeks, many of whom are very young men (temporally and/or socially). Hopefully some of them benefited from the experience, and not just because they got to touch a girl’s breasts.

So objectification equals demystification? If it’s simply about the theraputive power of human contact, than why breasts, and not, say, shoulders? Why should the burden of mammary-contact therapy fall upon the woman if the male participant is the one who reaps the (rather dubious) presumed benefits?

Most importantly, does anyone have any lye I can borrow? I suspect I’ll be needing some after finishing this post, though I’m unsure whether I’ll use it for cleaning or for culinary purposes.

• Published:April 21st, 2008
• Comments:3 Comments
• Category:Politics, The Crazy

The esteemed livejournaller boxy_brown calls for an end to religious oppression:

The African-American community keeps saying that electing Obama would be a great step toward racial equality in America. The feminists say that electing Clinton would advance women’s rights. Perhaps if America ever elects a Christian President, he’ll finally be able to end the brutal oppression of Christians in this country.

• Published:April 14th, 2008
• Comments:4 Comments
• Category:Blog Comments, The Crazy

The news that Disney has finally decided to shutter it’s online Virtual Magic Kingdom community would seem to merely be an item about a large corporation’s decision to get out of a money-losing area of it’s vast content empire. To some, however, IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD.

Please bear in mind that the following folks are referring to a fake Disney park on their computers.

There were no words to describe how I felt when my little character stood next to the “Partners” statue of Walt and Mickey for the first time. I got chills, much like I did when I was able to sit under a portrait of the wonderful Mr. Disney in a Club 33 room preview.

Hm- let’s edit that a bit, shall we?

There were no words to describe how I felt when my little FAKE ONLINE character stood next to the FAKE ONLINE “Partners” statue of Walt and Mickey for the first time. I got chills, much like I did when I was able to sit under a FAKE ONLINE portrait of the wonderful FAKE ONLINE Mr. Disney in a FAKE ONLINE Club 33 room preview.

Someone helpfully lists some examples of those who have been helped by the program-

· To the child who comes from an abusive family and goes to his grandmothers on weekends. (the only place with a computer). To go to his happy place where he is always safe.

· To the grandparents that were terrified on computer technology that now have a magical place to share with their grand children.

· To the kids getting cancer treatments and playing VMK while in hospital. Saying there is no cancer in Virtual Magic kingdom.

· To the dad that is separated from his kids and has found a place where they can connect every day. And is frantic that no other site exist for them now.

[JOKEBYKEVINCHURCH]To the dad that has a restraining order…[/JOKEBYKEVINCHURCH]

To knowing a kid is hurting from the lost of some one close, fighting cancer there are many on VMK. To the kids with different forms of Autism. That many of us worked so hard to help. They have learn social skills on VMK. So after two years they were doing well themselves.

That’s what Warcraft is for! But it does not have the magical healing properties of the Disney ™ brand.

People with cancer, and many other diseases, they have played VMK, and it saved them, they could be a normal person on VMK, with no germs. just please save VMK! (:

And finally, not to overstate the situation-

Please please do everything you can to keep a million dreams alive, in a world of long-wanted PEACE. No judgement. No violence or ignorance. No bullying. And especially no evilness. Consideration is wanted. Yavn doesn’t HONESTLY want to ruin our dreams, does he? As i write this raw piece of essay from the pit of my heart, the memories roll by like the sound of laughter from children experiencing the times of their lives. We truely dont deserve having our dreams ruining by Yavn do we? Dreams of being happy with friends, sharing feelings, love, enviness? Do all you can. This is a nightmare.

Yes, you are correct. Your life is a nightmare.

• Published:April 2nd, 2008
• Comments:3 Comments
• Category:Craigslist, The Crazy

Um, dude.

I don’t know quite how to frame this.

But. I’m going to try.

You’re doing it wrong. This is “Missed Connections,” not “I’m Going To Cut You.” Craigslist doesn’t offer the latter.