Perez Hilton, talentless famewhore supreme, is not impressed with the supposed headliners for this year’s Lollapalooza tours: Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails. His 20-something word missive has generated, as of this writing, over 1180 responses.
As you can imagine, there’s no way we’re wading through them all, but here’s a single bon mot from “Shanny P”:
WOW, I never comment, but seriously Perez you are retarded. Radiohead and NIN are our generations Pink Floyd and Led Zepplin. These bands are timeless and have proven themselves over and over, unlike all the no name people you post on your website who make 1 good song.This would have been a good lineup ten years ago and it still is NOW.
Your retarded.
You can go and dive in yourself, if you want. If you’re looking for me, I’ll be in the decontamination shower, scrubbing with bleach and steel wool.
You’ve seen them gather in hoodie-wearing flocks, bumming quarters from passers-by at the mall food court or hanging outside the 7-11 with their big pants flapping in the afternoon breeze, but what are these “juggalos” exactly? Where do they come from? What do they want? Why do they smell like stale cigar smoke and rancid ham?
Urban Dictionary has the answers. Sixty-six entries across ten pages, to be exact. Here’s a representative sample, entry #42 written by one “MoonMist_Ninja”:
A Juggalo Is Not Just An ICP Fan, Ask Yourself A question If Juggalo Means ICP Fan Then, Why The Fuck Are J And Shagz Juggalos? Its Not All Bout Phsychopathic Records Its Bout Family, Its Bout Holdin The Hatchet High, We All Haunted By A dark Carnival, We Show Clown Love, We Just Dont Give A Fu*k we Speak What We Have To Say, You Dont Like it Fu*k Off, We Hate Fakes, Haters, Racists and All That Sh*t.One More Thing I Have Started To notice A Huge Change In The Juggalo Nation, Juggalos Have Been Trying To Prove Whos A Better juggalo Than One another. There Is No Such Thing As A better Juggalo Than Another. They Scrapn Wit Family And They Claim To Be juggalos? What The Fu*k Is Up Wit You People? Remember The True Way Of our Lifestyle Stay Real But Dont Fu*k Wit Our Family You Do That Sh*t U A Juffalo We Show Clown Love To One Another We All Family. Hold The Hatchet High Till Im High In The Sky Im Going To Shangri-La Whos Coming Wit Me? MCl -TwigZ
That should tell you all you need to really know about the subculture. As a special bonus, here’s a juggalo pledge of allegiance from entry #37 (by “killaklown”):
i pledge allegience
to the hatchet
of the underground juggalo society
and to the ninjas for which they stand
one family
under clowns
full of freaks
with faygo and magik neden for all
we’ll never die alone,
juggalos will carry on,
swing our hatchets if we must,
each and every one of us
