“EMMA FROST is one of the greatest characters alongside Sebastian Shaw.”


by Kevin Church

The new Wolverine movie brings out the best in Harry Knowles:

“I thought Emma Frost was a very powerful psychic/telepath/empath that had a fairly sadistic, kinky and manipulative streak a mile long. I think Emma Frost was known as the White Queen and was one of the leaders of the Hellfire Club, a kind of mutant SKULL & BONES society at a rival institution to Xavier’s School. But I must have the name wrong. Because I’m relatively sure that surely the people making these movies give perhaps even the vaguest of shits about the material. Surely they Wikipedia’d the character name – read that she was an telepath like Xavier and thought – We can’t have another telepath, but let’s make her a goddamn human fucking DISCO BALL!

I fucking hate FOX for shit like this. EMMA FROST is one of the greatest characters alongside Sebastian Shaw. If the writers, producers, studio cared even a fucking ounce about the characters and the material they would know how fucking stupid turning Emma Frost into the Human Fucking Disco Ball would be. I HATE THIS SHIT!”

I’m sure this has nothing to do with how Knowles liked to rub it out to Byrne X-Men comics in the 80s.

Ok – so I just read that apparently at some point in some iteration of the X-MEN – that EMMA FROST developed Diamond skin… Which wasn’t the case in the far superior Claremont days of the character – so technically they’re not to blame for inventing her DISCO BALL BULLSHIT – but god damn – it is cheesy looking and ridiculous looking. And at the very least is fucked up continuity. Which, of course, they don’t give a shit about.

OK, maybe it does.

Thanks to Casey for the heads-up on this.



Fox better appologize to deadpool


by Ted Grant

So, we all know about the work-print of Wolverine being leaked by now. But what did those stalwart and upright folks who regularly read Ain’t It Cool News think of the leak and the film?

if you want to help the Hollywood industry lay offs, you’ve got to point the finger at the over indulgent pay checks at the top, not piracy…the way bottom.

I tell you man, whenever there’s an Econ crisis, the little man and the little’er man get it point blank while all the fat cats keep what they always had and, in fact, usually end up with more.

Sorry, busting a little early 20th century soap box in Washington square style.

Solidarity people, Solidarity.

Maybe if we throw tea bags at the heads of the major studios, movie theatre ticket prices will go down?

this movie sucks!

Cogent and reasoned film criticism from “geek molester” there, folks.

Now we have a reason to blame for our movie’s shitty under-performance. (‘Cause, God knows, no one’s gonna let us blame Hugh Jackman’s jazz-hands.)

Gay-baiting? At Ain’t-It-Cool-News? I am shocked!

but don’t worry, communism/fascism will save us just ask your Lord Obama

I…what?

This movie will suck, Almost as much as X-men 3, and now when it doesn’t get the numbers ($$) they want, they will blame torrents and petition Senators to kill more of the freedoms of privacy that we enjoy on the internet. I’m not saying that piracy is even remotely OK. But there are many benefits to things like newsgroups, file sharing, ect. that we will dearly miss when Hollywood corporate money talks Washington into taking it away. That is why the Wolverine leak is bad. I know filmmakers and musicians that put their art on torrents themselves (mdotstrange, Giuseppe Andrews, ect) because they want to reach people and can’t get they’re movies distributed because of the way Hollywood bullies the distribution process. I’m not happy at all that this film was leaked and I will refrain from watching a workprint, but I saw that lame ass trailer and I’m tried of watching butchered stories that I’ve known by heart for over a decade. Also, I’ve grown out of enjoying paying to sit in a cramped theater, overhearing conversations through movies, shifting around to let drunks go take a piss, and smelling your farts. I’ll watch this when it hits video, what can this film possibly enlighten me about Wolverine? I’ve read those comics since I was like 6 years old, and the movie will obviously be a let down. So far this year my favorite film has been Coraline in 3D. It was like watching a living diorama. Henry Selick is a visionary, while Gavin Hood (the director of Wolverine) directed Kickboxer 5 and an episode of Stargate SG1.

“It was like watching a living diorama.” That feels like an important insight into the nerd mindset right there, to be honest.

In a restaurant…you eat dinner before you pay. The unspoken rule is this…if you get served crappy food, there is a good chance you won’t have to pay, provided you complained from the first few bites, at the very least you’ll get a new plate.

But the way Hollywood sets this up…you pay before you take the first bite…hell, you pay based upon 30 seconds of a 2 hour movie and the pompous ramblings of what are usually some bought and paid for “critics”, then 20 minutes into what turns out to be shit…they typically won’t refund your $ if you walk out.

Oh…you can demand your money back…but it isn’t often they will give it too you…Nope….you pay up front..and when the movie sucks you don’t have much recourse.

The Box office should be at the exit…if you leave before the half way point because it sucks ass..no charge.

Why this rant here? because the way I see it Hollywood owes me at least one pirated movie per year…Fuck, they owe me three for Cloverfield alone…one to pay me back for the money I wasted watching it…1 more awarded for damages for the 80 mintes I’ll never get back, and one more for pain and suffering.

if you posted this: “there are these pesky little things called talkbacks” and this : “Then I floated the idea of banning anyone who expressed an opinion based on the workprint,” What kind of nazi horse-shit is that? Without the talkbacks, this site doesn’t exist. Many of your talkbackers are profoundly more entertaining and intelligent than yourself or anyone else employed by AICN. Do you realize how much you completely suck as a (so called) journalist right now? You can’t retract this shit. But you should apologize. And like I said Before, this movie will suck. The leak will give mediocre filmmakers a scapegoat for lousy returns in the third week. Piracy can’t be good for any industry, but good product sells itself (The Dark Knight). Also what pirate do you know that doesn’t also have a huge collection of legitimate dvds, games, and music? The pirate’s appetite is insatiable, they can’t collect enough.

Truly, AICN Talk-Backers are the real heroes of the internet…

Fox better appologize to deadpooland all the fans that almost paid hard earned money to get fucked. Imagine a rape victim getting a bill, thats how i would have felt. Now i know its not “done” yet so maybe the final will be better. it would have been a better movie had they not crammed deadpool in it killing him in the process. THIS IS SPIDERMAN 3 ALL OVER AGAIN.

Ah, yes, I was wondering when we would start to see inappropriate “rape” metaphors regarding Deadpool and this film.

Wolverine versus the Hand and maybe toss in a Silver Samurai cameo. make it a story about Yakuza, and the warrior’s code, and his love interest with Yuriko as Lady Deathstrike, and maybe toss in a Mojo cameo when she gets he big claws.

Yes, because nerd-bait like that is certainly the way to get the 99.998% of the population that didn’t read X-Men comics in the 90s into theaters.

poor ryan reynolds he channelled wade wilson when he was allowed to. I think ill just send him my 8 bucks instead. he earned it. And it looks like when jackman said he really cared about the fans he was refering to his fans and not the comics fans. Please oh please let the finished product be an improvement. Wolverine and Sabertooth had a tender moment together WTF. Why not just make them fuck because that would be just as beleivable. Its akin to having Batman and Joker shake hands and say “ill always be there for you bro”.

Remember when the Watchmen lawsuit was in full swing, remember BOYCOTT ROTHMAN AND FOX MOVIES, remember DON’T GO SEE WOLVERINE, FUCK FOX? Well, boys and girls, now you CAN fuck with Fox and Rothman. Fuck them if they lose money. If the current econom ic crisis should be teching us anything it’s that MONEY IS NOTHING BUT A METHOD OF ENSLAVEMENT. A penny is worth nothing these days, and a hundred times nothing is still nothing, so what’s a dollar worth? When are we going to wake up and realize that without money we could still live, work, create, and be kind to one another and grow as a culture, just like Harry fantasized about in his Marley and Me essay. We can achieve the Star Trek ideal IF WE JUST GOT RID OF FUCKING MONEY!

Uh…huh.

I’m downloading this piece of shit the minute I get home Then open up my computer, shit inside of it, and wait for the FBI to come bursting through my door, so when they crack open my computer and smell the freshly diarrhea-sprayed hard drive, they’ll instantly know which movie I illegally downloaded.

If I paid to see this fucking turd of a movie, and it fucking sucks fuckin’ass balls, then I AM THE ONE who was fucking robbed. So I’ll download anything I fucking want.

I have been coming to this site for years. I have been a socially constructed labialised fan boy ever since my parents fell into the marketing scheme of the late 90s known as the return of Star Wars. Back then, my parents would buy me all those Kenner action figures with what money they could muster up, ever since I was hooked on the movie marketing machine. .. Oh how the internet really picked up in anticipation for the Star Wars prequel known as the Phantom Menace. It was a real innocent time, before the dark side consumed all, so to speak. I truth I am not sure how I found Aint It Cool News. But once I did I would come here almost every day and read what material they could dig up. Us fans wanted something so bad, we could taste it, and we the consumers needed to know what are dreams would be like. And as we eventually found out, our dreams never even materialized. Time went by, most of the population of this site had to go to college, break up with girlfriends, watch their parents grow older. The same people who ran the site had to do the same. As the internet has changed everything it now must be the same. There is no room for sharing, trading, or getting anything for free in the simulated world in which we now live. The internet it abstract, it is lucid, but like everything else in your feeble lives it is now officially owned. How ironic it truly is that this occurred on April fools day. While the Billionaires are fighting Pirate Bay in world court, Hulu is advertising on your TV set. Free programming for all, brought to you by NBC, ABC, FOX, and the Federal C C. I am not sure. I know Wolverine is only one shameless attempt and making money, much like Marvel itself. It’s a system of deceit, assimilation, and socialization. And while most suffer in this country because of credit card bills, medical bills, and starvation the corporations (S) morally suffocate us with their hypocrisy of dare I say, a juvenile plethora of bullshit. Were not children anymore, don’t let them talk to you like children. This site is over. It has officially been consumed by everything you hate. We have made them rich, fat, and allowed their terrible uneducated babble filter the very cyberspace ways that were free from such a physical tyranny. Much like face book, My Space, and Amazon ( most likely goggle) Aint It super Cool high five News is a marketing contraption for the brainwashing elite. Its over here… Move on if you are a fan… The people who run this site should be ashamed of themselves. Thank you for the years, there are many good people on these boards, much like there is throughout America. But this is a day when a new site should be started by fans who hold free speech as well their personal freedom the foremost priority in their short lives. First that letter from the home schooled writer of the Watchmen movie ( how did that blue tiger get formed by the way?) and now this “obey the man talk”. Its about time, put these morally condemning hypocritical assholes out of business. Do it for America. America fuck ya! Sincerely A middle class fan… …



Jean Grey is whore and should be stigmatized as such.


by Kevin Church

So, here’s some grade-a batshit conservative commentary on, of all things, the X-Men’s Jean Grey and and movies where women are unfaithful. Apparently the fact that Jean Grey is conflicted about her feelings with Wolverine (you know, like almost anyone would be if given the choice between Cyclops and the guy that makes Andrew WK look like a party novice) is unbearable. Now, you might ask yourself, why would someone who has such a rabidly conservative stance even bother with the X-Men, the clumsiest metaphor for racism and homophobia that’s chugged down the pike in forever? Because – get this – she loves superheroes. But not superhero comics. Excerpts? Oh, I’ve got them:

Now my son, as previously mentioned, has a Playstation. It shouldn’t surprise you that we own three different X-Men games (X-Men Legends, X-Men Legends II and X-Men “the official game”). We also have Ultimate Alliance, which I think is cool. (I like playing Storm. She rocks.) We’ve also seen (and own on DVD) all three X-Men movies. Watching those movies for the first time I didn’t know much of anything about the Marvel superheroes or the X-Men specifically. After the first movie I was hooked. I love the X-Men now.
Of course, I really got the impression throughout all three movies that they were trying hard to correlate mutants with homosexuality without actually flat out saying it, though. That really irritated the hell out of me. Still, awesome movies nonetheless..

Yes, because you can remove the themes of tolerance and taking the high road from X-Men and have something that’s more interesting than the Great Lake Avengers. Uh-huh.

Here’s what really, seriously, totally ticked me off about X-Men right off the bat. The Jean Grey, Wolverine, Cyclops thing. That totally pissed me off in like the first two minutes. Then I find out this has been pretty much going on in the comics, too. (I got that second hand though, having never actually read the comics.) Then I see in the video games much is made about this little love triangle as well. Apparently, it’s just awesome.

My first reaction? Cyclops is a total idiot. He’s should dump that slut and let her go have her fling with Wolverine. Seriously. Screw her, she’s a total “ho”. Cyclops can do much, much better. Better yet, he needs to snatch her aside one good time and make it perfectly clear that the drooling over Wolverine is unacceptable. Either drop the fantasies about Wolvie or hit the road. Bottom line. Just how damned much more disrespectful and flat out insulting can you be to your spouse than that? Other than actually cheating on them and making no secret of it, you can’t be!

Heaven forbid characters show some human flaws in order to make them more interesting for an audience. That’d be just silly, wouldn’t it?

I hate all three of these boneheads. Cyclops is an idiot for not laying down the law with Jean Grey the second her interest in Wolverine became apparent. Jean Grey is a fool for playing with Wolverine when she’s married. Wolverine is just a whore and really needs Cyclops to blast him in the face a couple dozen times to get the message across.

All three need a good, solid smack upside the head.

I don’t think it’s the fictional characters that need a “good, solid smack” in this case. I really don’t. Because – get this – they’re not real. You can just leave them be in their nice little world and go read and watch movies where married people lead happy little lives and make out with each other and have chaste, missionary-position sex with the blinds closed and the lights out every third Thursday.

OK, so fannish whining aside, there’s a feminist message buried in all this, or so “Mary Contrary” thinks:

There yah go. Even a 12 year old boy can see what most adult women these days are completely blind to. That’s pretty discouraging. To most adult women these days Jean Grey is just awesome. They aspire to Jean Grey-ness. God help the men they manage to hoodwink into a relationship with them.

What. Most adult women can’t tell you who Jean Grey is, I’m quite sure.

Mary goes on and on about infidelity in movies before stating this:

Let me close this minor rant with a reaffirmation of my conservative Christian fanatic status. I believe adultery should be outlawed (as in “against the law”). Further, I believe it should be a capitol crime. Jean Grey is whore and should be stigmatized as such. Both women from Bridges of Madison County and Unfaithful should have been arrested, convicted and put to death.
Publicly.
On television.
The same television that currently spews out show after show, movie after movie glorifying adultery.

Holy. Shit. She is calling for the public execution of fictional characters. Just drink that in for a moment. This is a woman who calls herself a Christian who’s demanding that the governent round up and kill three women that don’t exist because they cheated on their spouses. (She’s also ignoring the fact that Diane Lane’s character in Unfaithful finds herself going through no small amount of misery because of her infidelity, an argument for sticking with Richard Gere even when there’s a handsome young artist who does things with his tongue that make your knees week.)

I don’t remember Jesus Christ saying anything like that in the New Testament. Or did Christians get their name from another guy with the same last name who was all about brute-force punishment instead of understanding?

(Also, for the love of pete, nobody tell her about Emma Frost.  We’d end up with a six-megaton brain blast wiping out tens of thousands of innocents.)

Special thanks to K.D. Bryan for bringing this person to our attention.



Her eyes were aimed at the ceiling and Tony advantageously stared at their color and depth.


by evilolive

While the recent Iron Man movie gave the world a Robert Downey Jr who has regained his hotness, it also inspired plenty of fanfiction:

Monday, Monday

“Dr Doom does not schedule appointments!” says Dr Doom. “I demand to see Mr Stark at my convenience!”
Pepper tries to inject some semblance of civility into the conversation, knowing as she does so that her efforts will be in vain, that her life is now too ridiculous to be saved.
“I’m very sorry, Mr von Doom–”
“I am Dr Doom!”
”Dr Doom,” she says, with all the dignity she can muster. “But Mr Stark is not in the office at this time. He is a very busy man with a very full–”
“Pah!” says Dr Doom, his contempt audible through the static. “A paltry excuse befitting a man of such cowardice.”
He settles for the 5:30PM slot and hangs up with an ominous cry of, “Your assistance will not so quickly escape my memory, but so, too, shall Dr Doom remember your defiance. Good day, Miss Potts!”


Nothing Tylenol Won’t Fix

It was difficult, very bad to her nails, somewhat embarrassing, and, she had to admit to herself, also quite hot.

Hot? Goodness, where did that come from? She shook her head and returned her attention to the armored shoulder she was working on.

There was so little space that her face almost touched the armor, and her knees rested against his thigh. He was drenched in sweat, the armor dented and cracked, there was blood on him… She must be out of her mind to think there was anything “hot” in working on getting him out of the suit. Then again, he was doing his best to keep her distracted.

“That’s it, Pepper, yeah, just like that, a little more, come on… Yes!” he muttered, his lips so close to her ear that she could feel his breath.

Change of Heart

“Can I interest you in a dance, Ms. Scott?” Tony asked, turning his mahogany eyes back on Lilly.

“I don’t know, Mr. Stark. I’ve heard stories about you. Some that give you an ill reputation concerning women,” Lilly responded smartly, immediately wincing inwardly as she hoped that comment didn’t sound as caustic as she thought it might. Despite her jangling nerves and her insistent inner yearning to dance, touch, do the unthinkable with this man, she was determined to keep poised and protect herself.

“Do you really believe everything people tell you? And please, call me Tony,” he said again, flashing another dazzling smile. Then before she knew what was happening, her drink was suddenly gone from her hand and Tony was leading her out onto the dance floor. A slow song was playing so Tony reached an ideal spot then turned and pulled her close to him, resting one hand primly on her waist, and offering her the other.

“I don’t bite, I promise,” Tony reassured when Lilly hesitated in taking his hand, even though the grin he was giving her suggested exactly the opposite. She glanced into his eyes, still unsure, but slowly placed one hand on his shoulder and her other hand neatly in his offered one. Once they assumed the position, they began to sway back and forth in time with the music, their bodies separated by a few inches that Lilly made sure was always maintained.

“So, Ms. Scott, what is it that you do?” Tony asked in a low voice. With his mouth placed right next to her ear, Lilly shivered ever so slightly at the warm breath of air his words sent past.

“I’m a neurosurgeon,” she answered plainly, readjusting her fingers in Tony’s hand. She felt Tony pull back and look at her oddly. She met his gaze and chuckled.


Yes, Virginia, There Really Is An Iron Man

Pepper didn’t dare breathe for almost a full minute until Tony shifted beside her and dragged his aching left hand down into her hair.

“You’re going to turn purple,” he commented.

Pepper breathed in through her nose. Mistake number one.

She was immediately submersed in Tony’s very masculine smell—motor oil, clean shampoo and aftershave.

He tightened his arm around her waist unconsciously as she tipped her head further into his palm. He couldn’t stop his eyes from dancing across her face—taking in every freckle and cataloging the details of her smooth skin in his mind. Her eyes were aimed at the ceiling and Tony advantageously stared at their color and depth.

For a brief moment, Pepper bravely looked Tony in the eye and what she saw there shocked her.

She had never seen him look at anyone like that before. Gone were the usual restraints he inflicted upon himself and all that was left was a complete warmth of total trust and admiration.

She really was all he had.

A New Ballgame

Tony froze.

Standing in the middle of his workshop, arms crossed over a broad chest, was a man. He wore a rough beard that lined his jaw, and his hair was dark, wild and beast-like. His features were chiseled and rugged, and he was clad all in leather. His black gaze flashed across the distance between them–a fierce and animal-like scowl.

Tony reacted. Reaching for a new piece of plate armor on the table–sharp and hard as granite–he grasped it in his hand and threw it as hard as he could at the intruder.

The man moved. But not to evade. He spread his stance and flung out his arms, his hands clenching to fists–

And three metal blades lanced out from each fist–each blade a foot long. With a bear-like swipe, the man lunged forward and slashed at the piece of armor–and cut through it as if it were butter.

He then dodged, and the pieces of armor clattered to the floor all around him. Silence fell.

A shudder ran all through Tony’s body, and his jaw tightened.

“Relax,” the man spoke in a deep voice, stretching his neck and relaxing his stance. “If I’d wanted to kill you, you’d have been dead hours ago.”

For once, Tony could think of nothing glib to say. He just stared at those wicked claws, until they retracted back into the man’s hands with a snap. Tony lifted his eyes and met the fearsome gaze.

“Who are you?” he demanded.

“My friends call me Logan.” The man shrugged noncommittally. “But my fighting name is Wolverine.”



GET OVER iT…NOT EVERY MOViE iS GONNA TURN OUT THE WAY YOU WANT iT


by Brought to you by Carl's, Jr.

So I’m browsing MovieWeb (for work, I swear!) and notice in the sidebar a list of “most commented-on threads,” which is always promising. Comments on movie websites are retard gold. The top one is for X-Men 4, which I guess is a thing?

So I investigate. The X-Men franchise had drastically diminishing returns, but stuff like “objective quality” doesn’t matter to the kind of people who post on message boards. They just want to make sure there are no nipples on the Batsuit and that Kitty Pryde says ONLY WHAT KITTY PRYDE WOULD SAY ACCORDING TO THEIR FAN FICTION.

First thing I see:

YOU GUYS ARE DUMB…GET OVER iT…NOT EVERY MOViE iS GONNA TURN OUT THE WAY YOU WANT iT…SO GET A LiFE…YOU PEOPLE THiNK THAT THE WHOLE MOViE BiZZ REVOLVES AROUND YOUR STANDARDS…WELL MAYBE THE DiRECTOR WAS AiMiNG FOR THE YOUNGER KiDS OR MAYBE THEY DiDN’T WANT TO COPY OFF OF THE COMiC BOOKS…iT MiGHT HAVE SET A LAW SUiT ON THEM…DUHH!! MAN YOU GUYS ARE SO DUMB…GET OVER iT iF YOU DONT LiKE THE WAY THiNGS ARE THEN STOP WATCHiNG THE MOViES!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what I always think when I see text like that? “Man, it takes a lot more work to type like an idiot than it does to type like a normal person.” Can you imagine training your brain to hit Shift every time you type “I” in your all-caps rant? That’s cerebral real estate that would be much better used memorizing, say, left-handed masturbators throughout history.

As it turns out, this is the latest post; MovieWeb lists the most recent post first because it is stupid and hates you. So I scrolled further down for some context. I did not find illumination.

Its so hard to be a comic book fan and watch any of these comic to film movies. There hasnt been one single comic book movie that was laid out excatly like the comics. Even spiderman 1 screwed it all up. The whole bridge scene was taken right out of the comic where Gwene Stacey fell and broke her neck when spider caught her with his web. I know they want to pack 50 years of comics into a 2 hour film, but at least have the directors read and do a little research on the characters and storyline. So I humor myself when I go out to watch these movies, and keep an open mind so I wont be so F*&kin disappointed all the time.

He’s not done.

Shit I HATE rubber suits…

OK, now he’s done. Three things:

1. I cannot take continuity judges seriously when they can’t even get character names right.
2. If you want to see the exact same story as the comic, just reread the damn comic.
3. Shut up.

Further down, some dude who uses a shirtless muscular guy doing push-ups as his avatar but is surely NOT gay pre-empts this line of thought with some reason:

Ive watched xmen3.. the story itself is negative.. if u r really a fan of xmen (comix,cartoon), knowing what they did to x1 and x2 will surely piss u off cuz they made their own crap story line.. but like what i said, u have 2 change ur point of view in watching these movies not as a basist from the comix, but as a viewer judging its movie’s genre 4 u 2 appreciate the verdict of the movie instead of complaining bout d comparison from d comix.. Singer did a good job as a director although unsatisfying to most of the readers but all in all it was a good movie.. but x3??

Sometimes it’s good to close on a question.



I hope I have gotten rid of all my spell errors and stuff.


by Kevin Church

in a post titled “This guy is really pissed about Jazz’s death in Transformers.”

I think that says it all, no? My favorite part is the Random Capitalization. Or maybe the heartfelt tribute to a dead fictional robot at the very end. Or the picture of Jazz being cleaned by bikini babes.

Please to enjoy.



The whole argument about how Hasbro Toy movies suck?: Two words… Transformers/ Amazing. You all can suck it.


by Kevin Church

Latino Review reports that Brendan Fraser and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will appear in cameos in the Sommes-helped live-action adaptation of GI Joe.

This, of course, means that the people at ComingSoon.net are angry.

Both are incredibly poor decisions for those roles…this is disappointing…


That’s right, casting two well-known and well-liked actors in cameos in your movie based on a cartoon and comics series based on a toy line is a bad idea. Just look at the people lining up to agree with empirical evidence!
I agree both are very disappointing. Last good film Rock has done was Doom and as for fraser UMH…. I can”t think of any good films he’s made. He pretty much sucks as an actor.

Stephen Sommers is an infuriating hack with no respect to the characters he brings to the screen. Anyone who can seriously allow such a disgraceful abomination such as Van Helsing to be distributed to unsuspecting movie goers across the world has lost their soul. This will be no different.

wow – this brings the crap factor of this movie up by 10,000 crap-points on the crap scale – who in their @#$@#$ right mind thinks these guys will actually improve the movie!!!

Of course, there’s a dissenter who has clear, cogent points to use to counter the tide of negative opinion:

Hey ok here’s the lowdown:

Stephen Sommers: He can direct (the Mummy Films).

Van Helsing: Disappointing but it was still ok.

Brenden Fraser: Can act. Crash anyone? George Of The Jungle?

The Rock: Doom sucked we know. The Rock CAN act. He just chooses **** movies to star in.

The whole argument about how Hasbro Toy movies suck?: Two words… Transformers/ Amazing. You all can suck it.


Someone with the delightful (no, really) moniker of The Critic’s Lunch isn’t buying it, though.

Aside from Ray Park and Dennis Quaid, this movie has been handled just afwul. The Rock as Shipwreck? That role is perfect for Lost’s Josh Holloway.

G.I. Joe!! A REAL UNITED NATIONS WHO DON’T DO ANYTHING TO HELP ANYONE HERO!!

Sucks.


Apparently he also has problems with the rumored international flavor the film will have. You know, because America’s so beloved in the world right now that a studio shouldn’t have worldwide box office concerns in mind.



With the help of the space jockeys we take out the planet or if they don’t wanna help we fight them too!


by Sluggo, Agent of N.A.N.C.Y.

Your bogus film news with spelling errors aplenty for the day:

“Alien 5: Genocide : Ripleys Back 2008
Ripleys back for one last showdown with the xenomorphs in Alien 5 : Genocide.

“At the far reaches of the universe a scientific way station is in posession of the last surviving Xenomorph. when the company discover the new breed they track down the Aliens homeworld and take the Alien back home intent on creating an unstopable Army. Back on earth an elite group of rebels led by General Ripley 8 take action, following the company to the Alien homeworld to destroy the species forever. and For Ripley this really is personel

“TEASER POSTER”
[fake link to nonexistent image redacted]

One respondent refutes the theoretical existence of said fifth installment with a pithy rejoinder:

There is no Alien 5 fool

Another denier:

ya definately fake plus it would be Alien 5: Xenocide as the xenomorphs are aliens and chicks gotta be what 50 in real life?

A little intrepid investigation reveals the logical flaw undermining this exciting claim:

and plus if it wuz to come out it would be in 2007 cause i looked it up

Some feel that even the possibility of the series being continued is a bad idea:

The alien series is dead. It died with 4. And then the corpse was kicked a few times with Avp. The only alien movie that would spark my interest is if they ditched Ripley. The title of these movies is “Alien” not “Ripley’s Adventures”.

the aliens series is dead, can´t see any more being made except the AVP story

Who gives a shit. All i need to hear is that weaver is returning to know that it will be utter shit.

One person explains why the series had already gone on one film too many:

This sounds like a really bad idea for them to make more alien movies it ended with four which think should not have been made anyway due to the fact that they put the stupid grey alien it.

However, if one were to happen, some folks know what they want to see:

no way not another one god but if they did they should make a new alein like the alien king the bigger and badder one that could kill a queen

Another person goes into more detail. A lot more detail. By which I mean a LOT more detail:

I may be bold but this is how it should go… ALIEN ANNIHILATION: Call takes Ripley to see Bishop. We find out that Bishop was taken from Fury 161 and rebuilt by Weyland-Yutani to find out if he knows anything of use. Turns out Bishop designed the second-gen droids. Ripley, being half alien starts to have nightmares and realizes that she is sensing the hive from a great distance…something calling her. Ripley, Bishop and Call go to the government and make them realize the threat of these creatures and that they must be destroyed. We send Ripley, Bishop, Call, the other second-gen droids and a crapload of space marines to wipe them out. Ripley uses her connection to the hive to find the space jockey planet along with some major fire power and an armada. With the help of the space jockeys we take out the planet or if they don’t wanna help we fight them too! The Queen could be bad-ass because she came out of one of the space jockeys. She would be a little different of a design and a helluvalot bigger. Let Ripley and the Queen showdown and let Ripley take out the aliens and the planet along with herself for total annihilation. Because as long as Ripley lives, she could be captured and the aliens could be brought back. BAM! There’s your film. It would kick ass, especially with Scott and Cameron involved and it would let Ripley go out with the bang she deserves. No weepy death scene like ALIEN 3.

And that was only half that person’s post, by the way.



I’ll be over at Aint It Cool News where the right to free speech is still enforced. You cocksm’kers! Get the duck sauce out of your ears.


by Brought to you by Carl's, Jr.

It’s true that established film critics are slowly losing ground as print publications’ markets shrink. One of the latest to get the axe is Newsweek critic David Ansen, a truly sane and entertaining voice that will be missed by many. I saw this announced on Rotten Tomatoes, a site I hardly ever visit, and, because I’m a moron, I decided to check the comments.

Now instead of getting a boring old 2007 BMW they can now afford the 2008 series.

Kind of an obtuse line. The OP misinterprets:

he point is not that he’s being replaced by a “2008 series” but that his position and that of tons more critics around the country is being eradicated. It won’t be upgrading an old model, it’ll be making everyone (readers) drive the exact same car.


Okay, a simple misunderstanding. Happens all the time. But the internet wouldn’t be the internet if it couldn’t turn an acknowledged misunderstanding into an instantly over-the-top flamewar.

you two no speaka english…I make interesting comments that add fuel to the fire not this boring politically correct disney sh’t, please! When I said they can afford the 2008 series I mean’t Newsday, Newsweek and village voice execs not the critics that got booted, who gives a sh’t about them! I can watch movies on my own and make my own opinions and not rely on people like Mr. Ansen here. I’m my own man I don’t need this guy telling me what’s good! I’ll be over at Aint It Cool News where the right to free speech is still enforced. You cocksm’kers! Get the duck sauce out of your ears.

Why a person who doesn’t give “a sh’t” about movie critics feels the need to visit and comment on a site like Rotten Tomatoes—and raise a voice in support of critics—is something that goes unasked and unanswered.

Wait, he’s back!

Minderbinder here’s another fagg’t. Did I hurt your feelings? You remind me of my girlfriend when she’s on her period. Wahhhh! I can’t post on RT cause this kid is annoying WAHHHHH!!! Get over it’s a silly bullsh*t forum board. You come here to talk sh”t and say what you want. And Dahluzz i don’t even know you but if you want to be down with these fagg’ts then f’ck you too. You muthaf’ckas can’t be us or see us. East side! Peace bitches

And now you know why I would rather chew my own testicles off than visit Ain’t It Cool News. Imagine an entire board… of that.



Hey Owen. You’re kind of a big mouth tough guy over the internet. Wanna come say f*ck you to my face? I’d be happy to give you the chance.


by Kevin Church

We mentioned Fanboys and its attendant controversy a few weeks ago on this site. The film’s second director, Steve Brill, took it upon himself to respond to messages from those fans who are concerned with how the director of Heavyweights is going to crap on their dreams for a sensitive, uplifting movie about a Star Wars fan dying of cancer. One fan wrote in this eloquent, forthright plea for the director:

You’re involved with Fanboys for nothing more than a quick buck. You don’t give a damn about the movie, Star Wars or its fans, so why the fuck did you agree to the job? Do you sleep comfortably at night knowing that you’ve bastardised a film that has the potential to become a cult classic for years on end into a movie which will be forgotten about in less than 6 weeks.

Little Nicky was okay, the rest sucked.

Once more, fuck you!

Brill’s response is a riposte in the vein of Oscar Wilde, the sort of thing that you’ll have on your mind late at night, marveling at its innate beauty:

Hey Owen. You’re kind of a big mouth tough guy over the internet. Wanna come say fuck you to my face? I’d be happy to give you the chance. How about this tough guy. You and I go head to head in a Star Wars Trivia contest. You think I don’t care about the wars fucker? I know more about it than you can imagine. I care deeply and have been immersed in Star Wars since it came out. I was there jerk off. I still have my stub. I have seen the trilogy probably a hundred times in the theater! And you dare question my caring. You think I would do it for the money!? I did it to get the movie released! So people like you could see it. But come on. Let’s prove who cares more. Five thousand dollars to the winner of a trivia contest. I’ll donate my winnings to the American Cancer Society…So get ready big shot… If you e mail me again, you better be ready to lose that five thousand.

I have no idea who I’m supposed to be rooting for here. It’s like some sort of mentally handicapped gladiatorial battle.



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