in a post titled “This guy is really pissed about Jazz’s death in Transformers.”
I think that says it all, no? My favorite part is the Random Capitalization. Or maybe the heartfelt tribute to a dead fictional robot at the very end. Or the picture of Jazz being cleaned by bikini babes.
Please to enjoy.
There is no shortage of stupidity and cluelessness on the internet, but occasionally one stumbles across something that is above and beyond the usual OTC-grade fan entitlement rants or casual homophobia. I’m talking about idiocy so transcendent and pure that it threatens to create a vortex of despair capable of extinguishing any scrap of faith in humanity one has left.
I’m talking about The Open-Source Boob Project, as explained by “theferret.” The narrative has since been cluttered with all manner of backpedaling and qualifiers, some added since I started work on this post, but it began with this:
“This should be a better world,” a friend of mine said. “A more honest one, where sex isn’t shameful or degrading. I wish this was the kind of world where say, ‘Wow, I’d like to touch your breasts,’ and people would understand that it’s not a way of reducing you to a set of nipples and ignoring the rest of you, but rather a way of saying that I may not yet know your mind, but your body is beautiful.”
In other words, it’s not about objectification…it’s about objectification with the opportunity to cop a feel. Theory turns into (a quite fanfic-ish) reality when one of author’s female acquaintances lets him touch her dirty pillows:
We all reached out in the hallway, hands and fingers extended, to get a handful. And lo, we touched her breasts - taking turns to put our hands on the creamy tops exposed through the sheer top she wore, cupping our palms to touch the clothed swell underneath, exploring thoroughly but briefly lest we cross the line from ‘touching” to “unwanted heavy petting.” They were awesome breasts, worthy of being touched.
And life seemed so much simpler.
And, lo, a movement was born! A proud movement where groping becomes an act of empowerment:
And my God! We all reached out like zombies trying to break through a door to get to those breasts. And it wasn’t getting any worse! We weren’t degenerating into an orgy, but rather exploring the amazement of how beautiful this body was and how wonderful it was to have access to them. Nobody was trying to pull off a bra or suck on a nipple; we’d been given access to a very special place that only lovers usually touched, and why would you be so crude as to try to push the boundaries of that?
And every girl in that hallway was then asked the question: “May I touch your breasts?” They considered, and said yes. And we all did.
Of course, it’s not really a movement unless there’s buttons:
At Penguicon, we had buttons to give away. There were two small buttons, one for each camp: A green button that said, “YES, you may” and a red button that said “NO, you may not.” And anyone who had those buttons on, whether you knew them or not, was someone you could approach and ask:
“Excuse me, but may I touch your breasts?”
And if you weren’t a total lout - the women retained their right to say no, of course - they would push their chests out, and you would be allowed into the sanctity of it. That exchange of happiness where one person are told with gropes and touches that they are desirable and the other is someone who’s allowed to desire.
For a moment, everything that was awkward about high school would fade away and you could just say what was on your mind. It was as though parts of me were being healed whenever I did it, and I touched at least fifteen sets of boobs at Penguicon. It never got old, surprisingly.
So what we’re really talking about is simply an elaborate scheme to steal second base dressed up with copious amounts of Reichean cosmobabble. It takes a dedicated individual to create such an elaborate justification for frat boy behavior.
“theferret” mentions “high school” a few times in his purplish recounting of events, suggesting some past tragedy worthy of Jay Gatsby — only instead of reaching for the green light across the bay, he’s reaching for what’s under the green button.
Lost in all the talk of lost inhibitions and discovered beauty is the lopsided power dynamic inherent in these, ahem, “transactions,” specifically whose “needs” are actually being met gratified. A simple working knowledge of group dynamics (and nerd culture) casts some doubt on the supposedly “opt-in,” “no pressure” consensual nature of the arrangement, as it leaves out questions of peer pressure and the need to belong, not to mention the host of associated issues involving a subculture where insecurities and feelings of isolation are commonly found. All high-falutin’ justifications aside, that shit can’t be exorcised by having a stranger feel you up, though there are plenty folks out there who’ll try to argue otherwise in exchange for the opportunity for a free grope.
The lopsided equation brings up other problems in terms of creating an uncomfortable atmosphere for female con attendees, who even if they choose not to participate in the grope-a-rama have to deal with an atmosphere of semi-sanctioned objectification. A female friend of mine who is a frequent con-attendee found the whole idea to be crude and sophomoric, and said she would categorically refuse to attend an event where such practices occurred. “That shit is bad enough without further encouraging the knuckledraggers,” she added.
As the The Open-Source Boob Project’s mission statement appeared in a LiveJournal post, the comments (seven pages worth before being locked down) were the expected mix of echo-chamber words of encouragement and bombastic outrage, leading to this defensive remark by “theferret”:
It would also lessen the intimacy of straight marriages if gay folks were allowed to get together. That would be sad. Because you know, your definition of what “intimacy” is should be the same as mine, and if mine differs then yours should override me. Because you’re not wrong, of course.
Yes, because the struggle for equal rights and protection under the law is exactly the same as a fanboy’s convoluted plot to touch women’s boobs.
When it became clear that the crusade on behalf of free and easy gropery did not meet the expected public approval, the backpedaling began in earnest with a series of passive-aggressive updates and edits posited to suggest that he didn’t really mean what he clearly stated in the original text…
And the chances that the Project would get fucked up, making con spaces more amenable to hordes of stalkers and mouthbreathers who will grope and maul women, are pretty damn big. Hell, it’s already made women feel less safe by me mentioning it, and that makes me feel like shit. As it should.
The Project itself, at least as done at Penguicon, has been turned by the miracle of reposting into some nightmare of eternal groping, female hunting, and a constant stream of denigration. And while that’s not the way it happened - at least from the perspective of the folks who participated that I’ve heard from who have expressed positive opinions behind f-locked posts because they don’t want to endure the commentstreams that I’m getting…
…It doesn’t matter. Scalzi, as usual, got it right: It was highly context-specific. What happened to us, even if it was good, is not what will happen to you. The danger of it getting out of hand is too great – and already, people worry that they’re going to be press-ganged into a groping area if they don’t have a button, despite the fact that I (and others) have said that’s not what happened at all. But honestly? That easily could happen without proper supervision, male power being what it is…
To which I can only add, “No effing kidding, Einstein.” The Scalzi he mentions above refers to author John Scalzi, who offered some heavily qualified support for the idea behind the project, as well as this howler:
Now, how do I feel about it? Well, philosophically, I think it’s fine: I think it’s reasonable for folks to get used to breasts being a component of a whole human, not these strange, mystical entities there to entice and distract one, and if there’s any place where there are people who could benefit from this lesson, it’s a convention full of computer, science fiction and anime geeks, many of whom are very young men (temporally and/or socially). Hopefully some of them benefited from the experience, and not just because they got to touch a girl’s breasts.
So objectification equals demystification? If it’s simply about the theraputive power of human contact, than why breasts, and not, say, shoulders? Why should the burden of mammary-contact therapy fall upon the woman if the male participant is the one who reaps the (rather dubious) presumed benefits?
Most importantly, does anyone have any lye I can borrow? I suspect I’ll be needing some after finishing this post, though I’m unsure whether I’ll use it for cleaning or for culinary purposes.
Latino Review reports that Brendan Fraser and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will appear in cameos in the Sommes-helped live-action adaptation of GI Joe.
This, of course, means that the people at ComingSoon.net are angry.
Both are incredibly poor decisions for those roles…this is disappointing…
I agree both are very disappointing. Last good film Rock has done was Doom and as for fraser UMH…. I can”t think of any good films he’s made. He pretty much sucks as an actor.
Stephen Sommers is an infuriating hack with no respect to the characters he brings to the screen. Anyone who can seriously allow such a disgraceful abomination such as Van Helsing to be distributed to unsuspecting movie goers across the world has lost their soul. This will be no different.
wow - this brings the crap factor of this movie up by 10,000 crap-points on the crap scale - who in their @#$@#$ right mind thinks these guys will actually improve the movie!!!
Hey ok here’s the lowdown:Stephen Sommers: He can direct (the Mummy Films).
Van Helsing: Disappointing but it was still ok.
Brenden Fraser: Can act. Crash anyone? George Of The Jungle?
The Rock: Doom sucked we know. The Rock CAN act. He just chooses **** movies to star in.
The whole argument about how Hasbro Toy movies suck?: Two words… Transformers/ Amazing. You all can suck it.
Aside from Ray Park and Dennis Quaid, this movie has been handled just afwul. The Rock as Shipwreck? That role is perfect for Lost’s Josh Holloway.G.I. Joe!! A REAL UNITED NATIONS WHO DON’T DO ANYTHING TO HELP ANYONE HERO!!
Sucks.
Oh, let’s take another peek at the Doctor Who fans, shall we?
User “sparacus” is unhappy with the look of a new monster on the show:
I can’t believe that even RTD would introduce an alien into the series that makes the Mr Men & Teletubbies look mature. If its true then these ‘creations’ will rank as the worst aliens in the Who canon.
What follows is a long conversation between “sparacus” and other board users on the “seriousness” of other Who-monsters and, well, how much better than the actual show “sparacus” thinks his fan-fiction is…
If they are real ‘monsters’ then words fail me. They look like something off a Kelloggs Cornflake ad aimed at kids or some pre-school programme. I accept that the context of the episode could be better than their appearance suggests , after all the Candyman looked ridiculous but ‘The Happiness Patrol’ as a story was good. However these risible things make the Clangers look intimidating and mature.
The point is that still image or not they look ridiculous. Clearly the production team (assuming they arn’t a hoax) think that they will appeal to young children. Fine. But Doctor Who is not a Cbeebies programme for the 2-5 age group. This is the programme that gave us the Daleks, Morbius, Sutekh…..
The Slitheen were a rubbery, blubbery disaster. The wind-breaking jokes were completely inappropriate for Doctor Who. I also notice that they have not been included in the new ‘Ultimate Monsters’ Battles in Times card series, so low is their status among fans.
I’m reading “Crystal”. It features Kittens clawing out a guys eyes and Tigers massacaring woman and children.
Fart jokes are inappropriate?!
Doctor Who has always featured elements of violence. Torchwood even more so. My episodes contain a degree of horror as they reflect aspects of the classic Hinchcliffe era. However I do not include characters that evoke the Mr Men or Weebles.
Political correctness and representation of minorities is sweeping across Britain and The Doctor and Ben hold the only key to stop it. But in a world where snobbery is in decline, who’s side is Ben on?
The point is that Alpha Centuri was intended to be a serious alien. It was a transgendered thing neither male or female and this is why it behaved the way it did. I accept that they made it a little too camp however there is a big difference between Alpha Centuri and the Flumps or the Teletubbies.
My characters a real people with good and bad qualities. If you compare Ben Chatham or Katie Ryan with the Slitheen or Adipose I think you will find that it isn’t the former that evoke CBBC.
Ben is a sophisticated post-modern hero with a full range of non-stereotypical character elements.
Of course not. However these Adipose things are completely unbelievable and unrealistic. Cartoony things like that couldn’t possibly exist. At least the Candyman could be explained as a robot.
This is an absolute insult to Doctor Who and I can only assume its an excercise in self-indulgent sending up of the show by the production team. I accept that small ‘humorous’ creatures in sci fi can also be convincing (think the Tribbles in Star Trek) however these Adipose are just ridiculous. Blobs of fat coming to life with cartoon mouths , why not go the whole hog and have the TARDIS land on the Clangers’ planet before Roobarb the dog joins the team for an encounter with Bagpuss and Professor Yaffle.
Insult to Doctor who? Coming from you, the bloke who thinks that the Doctor should hang out with snobbish alcoholics, who makes the Doctor come second to a scumbag, coming from the creator of Chatham. It’s just a joke.
And have you just presented us with the plan for your next fanfic?
My stories maintain the integrity of Doctor Who. Whether you like Ben Chatham or not, he is still a serious character. Thiese things however are pre-school.
Part of me is hoping that “sparacus” is fully committed to an elaborate hoax, that he’s only pretending to play the pretentious fan-fic writer who thinks he can do better than the people who are actually paid to do the show for a living, but, well…
If there’s one thing a Doctor Who fan hates, it’s the suggestion that a fictional character has a sex life. The only thing that could make the situation worse if if that’s a male character having sex with another man, as happened on a recent episode of Who spin-off Torchwood:
I felt it was totally irrelevant and gratuitous. One of RTD’s tiresome attempts to introduce something simply for shock value but it let the whole episode down.
I personally disliked the Jack/Ianto scene, it was unneccesery & quite obviously shoehorned into the episode to please all the “shipper” fans of TW.
Pathetic and uncalled for
I thought this bit was utterly terrible and honestly just there to titillate the fangirls. What disturbed me was how casually the shift was from denying the search for missing children and wanting to get back to shagging Ianto.
So unnecessary. yeh fine they can kiss and have a relationship but why so much? BBC Wales should give a thought to those wathing with their dads!
Pretty disgusting really the BBC spending license payers money to produce porn. A handful of decades back people wouldn’t have stood for that kind of filth.
Another silly thing about the show today is the constant shoehorning in of interacial marriages/relationships/etc. I personally don’t care what race someone I date is of, but in general people tend to stick to their own race in society. Off the top of my head we’ve seen:
Mickey/Rose
Martha’s sister/Lazarus
Donna/Lance
Foon/Morvin
Adeola/Boyfriend
Martha’s Dad/Girfriend
Black man trying to romance Sally Sparrow in Blink
Martha/Tom
Well, that’s all very well and good, but it’s too darned civil! This is Doctor Who fandom, people! Why haven’t any of you brought the crazy?
It is also Racist. Where are the black and asian (UK asian not US asian) people working in Torchwood. The percentage of black and asian people in Wales far exceeds the GLB groups (according to the office of statistics from the last censors that gave results).
Ah, there we go, a claim that showing a male/male sex scene is racist. I feel like my understanding of how the world works has been restored.
One of the great screwings in the history of the comic book industry is that of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, the creators of Superman. Selling their creation for a pittance in 1938, the two lived in near-poverty for decades while watching their brainchild rake in millions for the publisher, DC Comics. It wasn’t until the late ’70s, when the big-budget Superman movie was about to be released, that DC, afraid of a public backlash against the film if it were found out how Superman’s creators had been treated, finally was shamed into paying both Siegel and Shuster a yearly sum.
Recently, after many a hearing and court session, the copyright to the very first Superman story in Action Comics #1 was awarded to Siegel’s surviving family, which will likely lead to even more money going in the direction of the creator, or at least his estate. This is a Good Thing, another step in redressing the treatment of the men who essentially created the modern comic book industry.
Of course, some fans think otherwise. Like this fella:
…Oh boy. Another disaster brought on by Siegel heir greed. The last money grab they pulled off resulted in Superboy getting axed, now I can see DC panicking and start monkeying around with the Big Red S to change him enough so that he’s no longer anything that resembles Superman.
Enough is enough. Get a judge in on this mess that understands a) copyright law, and b) the fans are more important than a couple of greedy grandkids!
And there are a few folks in this comics blog discussion who also believe those two guys got more than enough from their creation, and should certainly not have been concerned about providing for their families:
Why they sold the rights they shouldnt get anything.
They shouldnt even get royalties they gave up that when they signed over the rights.
THEY SIGNED THE RIGHTS AWAY NOT WITH A GUN TO THEIR HEAD AND NOT ONCE BUT TWICE WHEN THEY SETTLED IN COURT IN 1948. ENOUGH ALREADY.
Gimme a break. They were paid in 1938. They were paid off in 1968. Again in 1978. They kept taking the money and suing again, Time Warner will keep this tied up for decades and that’s good.
As the end consumers.. we will be the ones paying for this. Keep this in mind next time comics prices rise, or your favorite book gets cancelled because it’s not selling well enough (less profit = less flexibility), or when they decide that making a Superman Movie or cartoon is not financially viable because of ‘licensing’ fees.
Superman
Created by Siegel and Shuster
Raised by DC
Killed by the Siegels
How greedy are the Siegels anyway. What they’re doing is killing the character that their father co-created. Yes, Siegel and Shuster should have been taken care of WHEN THEY WERE ALIVE. They’re not. Why should their kids be profiting off of their deceased parents?
Someone threw out the ’slave argument’ but at the risk of getting politically incorrect, does anyone really support reparations? This is the same thing.
We mentioned Fanboys and its attendant controversy a few weeks ago on this site. The film’s second director, Steve Brill, took it upon himself to respond to messages from those fans who are concerned with how the director of Heavyweights is going to crap on their dreams for a sensitive, uplifting movie about a Star Wars fan dying of cancer. One fan wrote in this eloquent, forthright plea for the director:
You’re involved with Fanboys for nothing more than a quick buck. You don’t give a damn about the movie, Star Wars or its fans, so why the fuck did you agree to the job? Do you sleep comfortably at night knowing that you’ve bastardised a film that has the potential to become a cult classic for years on end into a movie which will be forgotten about in less than 6 weeks.
Little Nicky was okay, the rest sucked.
Once more, fuck you!
Brill’s response is a riposte in the vein of Oscar Wilde, the sort of thing that you’ll have on your mind late at night, marveling at its innate beauty:
Hey Owen. You’re kind of a big mouth tough guy over the internet. Wanna come say fuck you to my face? I’d be happy to give you the chance. How about this tough guy. You and I go head to head in a Star Wars Trivia contest. You think I don’t care about the wars fucker? I know more about it than you can imagine. I care deeply and have been immersed in Star Wars since it came out. I was there jerk off. I still have my stub. I have seen the trilogy probably a hundred times in the theater! And you dare question my caring. You think I would do it for the money!? I did it to get the movie released! So people like you could see it. But come on. Let’s prove who cares more. Five thousand dollars to the winner of a trivia contest. I’ll donate my winnings to the American Cancer Society…So get ready big shot… If you e mail me again, you better be ready to lose that five thousand.
I have no idea who I’m supposed to be rooting for here. It’s like some sort of mentally handicapped gladiatorial battle.
After a brief fan-influenced stay of execution, CBS has decided to cancel Jericho, its post-nuke and civil insurrection-themed answer to Lost, again. Over at Yahoo’s messageboard dedicated to the series, the the fan response unfolds pretty much as expected.
From “Mare Cad TITAN”:
JERICHO…SHOULD…NOT…HAVE BEEN
CANCELLED !!! CBS HAS SAWDUST FOR
BRAINS !!! BOYCOTT ALL OF THEIR SPONSORS.
What are those dorkoz going to do, another fake “reality” show ??? Jerkoz !!!
Dorkoz and jerkoz? Wow, that’s pulling out all the stops.
From “william m”:
CBS EXECS ARE TAKING TRAINING FROM FOX EXECS. JERICHO IS ONE OF THE ONLY SHOWS ON TODAY THAT HAS THE DRAW OF”24″. WHAT ARE THEY REPLACING IT WITH BIG BROTHER 2 OR ANOTHER MINDLESS < AND CHEAP TO PRODUCE> GAME SHOW. WON’T ANY THINKING TV EXEC BUY THIS SHOW-PLEASE!!!
The difference between Jericho and 24? Or Jericho and Big Brother, for that matter? A viably-sized viewership.
“Shoes S” evokes the predictably hoary exception that proves the rule:
Unbelievable. I can only hope they’ll make a movie now. Don’t lose all hope. Remember, Star Trek was on only two seasons and has been cranking out movies for 40 years now, not to mention spin-offs. Find out who the directors and producers are and contact them. Maybe we can get cable to pick up this unique show.
Unless the old US government emerges from the ashes, I’d presume the citizens of Jericho will have to live, fight and die for their freedom the same as they have for the last two years.
Honestly, if Jericho develops an afterlife fan following as widespread and entrenched as Star Trek has, I will eat my hat — and I wear a wide-brimmed sombrero. Also, if Star Trek fans are called “Trekkies,” would that mean that Jericho fans are “Jerkies”?
“Roy M” keeps it short and elegant:
cbs sucks
Way to speak truth to power, buddy.
“Stayfunny” blames society:
It’s the masses that aren’t intelligent enough to catch a show like this, get my drift?
People who post on Yahoo messageboards shouldn’t make snide conclusions about relative intelligence levels.
Finally, “The Everyday Guy” chimes in with a touch of rare class:
EVERYBODY GETS BUTT-RAPED!!! WHAT AN ENDING.
LOLZ.
Some days it’s like shooting fish in a barrel, I tell you.
On Flickr there’s a community of adult Lego fans showing off the things they’ve built. If you look at photos tagged “lego” you’ll see some amazing creations. Other fans comment on these photos, praising work, giving props to particularly clever piece usage, asking how certain effects were accomplished, and sometimes making suggestions. The atmosphere is quite convivial and positive.
Recently a builder called “Mondayn00dle” uploaded photos of a stunning creation called “Lucy”, a sort of biomechanical nightmare. It’s an incredible piece of work. He wanted to give it a more natural smooth and curved look, which is often difficult to achieve, and he succeeded. But he added some extra curves. Lucy is “female”…the cyborg has breasts. And as a result, suddenly the people commenting on the model are twelve years old.
See if you can guess which of these comments would not be on the photos if it weren’t for two round shapes added to the model’s torso:
lol. These are nice.
I still feel however that the erm… chest looks a bit strange.
In response to Mondayn00dle’s comment that “My goal with this one was to make a more or less correctly proportional humanoid shape,” we get this:
You must live in Hollywood or Vegas
Not sure anyone has done thigh high boots in LEGO before…
On the whip, someone added the note:
Dominatrix, too?
And, again, the “breasts” are brought up:
ew mecha shouldnt have cleavage
Heh. Robot boobs.
A note on the model’s “stomach”, which doesn’t look particularly large reads simply:
pregnant?
This was responded to by the sublime:
It’s on a hormonal rampage! Run for your lives men!
In summary, superbubblegum142 says:
nice boobs
None of this, however, takes away from the model, which is a truly impressive piece of work.
Doctor Who fans are crazy. This makes perfect sense when you consider the longevity of the show. They’ve had more time to develop and nurture the crazy than almost any other nerd-attracting program. And the best illustration of this are the arguements. You see, the less important an issue becomes, the more loudly people will argue about it. Take, for example, the raging debate over whether or not the upcoming series of the show is the fourth series or not.
All this series 4 nonsense should now be washed away. Honestly who can call a series series 4 when 29 series have preceeded it?
The same stupid BBC that rejected Red Dwarf IX. The same stupid BBC that cancelled Doctor Who in the first place. The same BBC that panders to thugs etc by being so politically correct.
Why not? If Red Dwarf came back should it be called series one again? If Men Behaving Badly came back should that be series one again? The facts are it’s the same series not a reset or anything like that so it is Season/Series/Whatever 30. It makes perfect sense. Having Series One follow Season 26, Dimensions in Time, TV Movie is absurd.
But it is SERIES FOUR, because that is what BBC Wales, the people who are actually making it are calling it. The fact that DWM called it Series 30 once, in a headline of article about SERIES FOUR is just a coincidence. It will remain the thirtieth series of something called Doctor Who but its official title is Series Four. Fans can call it what they like, but it remains Series Four.
Twaddle you can’t call it the 4TH SERIES/SERIES 4 BECAUSE THAT WAS ON IN THE 1960S ABSOLUTE RUBBISH i DON’T CARE WHat bbc Wales say they have no right to reset the numbering they didn’t create Doctor Who.
Doesn’t matter what the BBC are calling it. There have been 29 seasons prior to this one. It’s 30.
Ever wondered why Dr Who fans have a reputation for being uptight, anal, unbalanced obsessives?
The only reason they’ve adopted the ludicrous new numbering is because they stupidly think the audience will be confused by reminders that the show has been around so long. It’s disrespectful to a British institution .
I’m really, really sorry for you that you haven’t got the version of the show back that you want, but I‘m tired of hearing you bleat on and on and on about it. Can’t you stop being quite so bloody selfish and appreciate how much a hell of a lot of other people are enjoying it?
