i know a possible investment when i see one


by pico -d gallo

Woot is one of the many internet shops that uses the model of selling one item a day at a low cost, until either the day is over or the item runs out. It’s a bizarre marketing practice, but I guess it works for them.

April 15th’s item of the day was a pack of ten random Marvel comics for six bucks. This seems like an especially odd thing to feature, and even the sales pitch itself seems skeptical:

So why drop six bucks postpaid on this bundle when you could just go to a comic store and grab a handful of quarter-bin mags? For one thing, that would require you to enter a comic store. Even worse, you may have to interact with the menacing life-forms you encounter within — an especially daunting prospect if you happen to be female.

More importantly, though, once you start digging through the quarter bin, you have to possess the willpower of Daredevil to stop. It’s nigh-unto impossible to walk away from those tantalizing rows of unknown comics, holding the promise of a cheap, misplaced copy of Amazing Fantasy #15 or the complete Squadron Supreme maxi-series. Entire afternoons can be lost in such vainglorious quests.

Better to avoid the temptation. Better to let the hand of fate pluck ten, or twenty, or thirty random Marvels from the morass. We won’t stare at your chest, or make you smell our underwashed bodies, or mock you for not knowing the difference between the X-Men and the Ultimate X-Men. And you need not fear the lure of the quarter bin.

At this point I’d like to bring to your attention that ten comics for six bucks means they’re also more expensive than a quarter, but considering that “quarter bins” are now more often “dollar boxes”, we’ll let it slide. Instead, let’s look at the list of comics from which your ten gems will be selected. Pay attention to these; there will be a quiz.

You will receive 10 comics from the following list:

* X-Men The Movie Prequel Rogue
* X-Men The Movie Prequel Magneto
* Wolverine/Cable — Return of the Native Part 5
* Wolverine/Cable — Gus & Glory
* Wolverine Evilution
* Warlock “Second Coming pt. 2
* Thor Son of Asgard Part 6
* The Call of Duty Also Featuring Daredevil the man without Fear
* Spider-Man Team Up w/Kitty Pryde
* Spider-Man Made Men
* Spider-Man — The Amazing Spider-Man — Vibes
* Sabetooth — Back to Nature
* Runaways also featuring Sentinel Issues 1 & 2
* Rogue “Going Rouge” Part 4 of 6
* Marvel Must Haves — Truth — Red, White & Black
* Man-Thing — Whatever Knows Fear
* IronMan — The Iron Age Part 2 of 2
* IronMan — The Iron Age Part 1 of 2
* Incredible Hulk “Huck”
* Hulk “Big Thing” Part 3 of 4
* Hulk
* Gus Beezer and Spider-Man
* Guardians — Reach for the Stars Part 1
* Fantastic 4 Prisoners of Doctor Doom
* Fantastic 4 — Disassembles
* Excalibur “Forging the Sword”
* Captain America
* 1602 Part 6

Don’t worry that you’re only getting parts of some stories. Parts One and Two of Hulk “Big Thing” aren’t really vital to the story, and part Four is just folks standing around going, “Remember that big thing? That was wild.”

Every Woot “deal” has user commentary on it. Let’s see what the folks who regularly shop at Woot had to say about this one.

“dsgitlin” fails the quiz right away:

Ha…this brings me back to my childhood and rummaging through the quarter bins. Yes, absolutely, in for three. Hopefully I’ll get some Power Man/Iron Fist sent my way.

Hope all you want. Neither Power Man nor Iron Fist are on the list.

“aoffiler” sees nothing but dollar signs:

im not a comic fan but i know a possible investment when i see one. can anyone tell me if these are worth while?

“greengert” taunts him:

since you know an investment when you see one… why dont YOU tell US if these are worthwhile?

And “aoffiler”, his reputation on the line, asserts:

well if all goes as planned im in for 3… so yes this is an excellent investment.

‘NUFF SAID!

“ericsmithrocks” is a better username than “ericsmithcalculates”:

This is cool! In for three… which means 30 comics!

Note that there are only 28 comics on the list. “alvinlee123″ asks:

30 comics for 8 bucks, what are thes odds of getting the same comics more than once?

I repeat: Note that there are only 28 comics on the list. “TheStorm042″ comes to the rescue with his incredible “counting” ability:

Since there are only 28 possibilities, pretty good, I’d say.

But “shento” ripostes:

ummm more than one comic in the series, I’m sure… sooooo

chances are slim to some – to get a duplicate…. guess you don’t read comics?

PUT THAT IN YOUR MATHS AND SMOKE IT, SMARTY-PANTS!

“Mjar41″ knows what the SMART comics investors ask:

Are these comics in mint condition?

“DocThan.com” follows up with:

Are these in English or Japanese ?

I don’t know whether I should cheer or jeer “wscraig”:

The fact that these are sold out this quickly is disturbing. Not because I wanted them. But because so many of you do.

Who are you people and how are you allowed to hold jobs and drive cars?

You won’t like the answer:

I’m in for 30. “Hello comic book man, what’ll ya give mefor these”

Oh look, here’s the guy:

Please sell some Bondage Fairies comics next time, woot.

“LANShark125″ is outraged, OUTRAGED that Woot is trafficking in such trivialities!

Comic books? COMIC BOOKS??? And this doesn’t even look to be a bargain…

Sad times in Wootdom…

finally, “octavia”:

I wonder if any woman would actually buy these for herself. Oh well, men and their comics and penises, I just don’t get it!

Me neither!



This is a gory, harmful, snuff-porn, slasher film masquerading as an art film


by Manhandle

I enjoy reading the user movie reviews on IMDB because they make me appreciate the inherent value of a culture where freedom of expression and a plurality of viewpoints are cherished. I also enjoy reading them because they make me feel smarter than many of the idiots who post reviews.

Recently I was browsing the comments for No Country For Old Men, a film I enjoyed quite a bit. Asusual, the comments ranged from the orgasmic (“ a haunting masterpiece of transcendent, savage beauty”) to bitterly angry (“worst movie EVER MADE”) with very few comments in between the two extremes. Such is the nature of IMDB.

One of the most hilariously reactionary comments comes from Benoit, an outspoken gentleman from Toronto whose one star review is titled: “From the country that bought you legalized torture…”

Here are some excerpts:

I’m very sorry that the Academy felt it had to crown this kind of demented bloodbath with a prize. This is just more of the same old snuff porn that has been making the rounds of Hollywood since at least “The Godfather”

Benoit does concede that No Country fills a need for the uncultured riff-raff south of the Canadian border:

…giving the dumbed-down US public what they really crave: a virtual murder spree à la Grand Theft Auto with lots of comic book horror.

And he wraps things up with a breathtaking leap of rhetoric, comparing the audience for this film with… well, take a look:

In short, this is just the sort of sadistic entertainment Nazis must have craved after a hard day’s work at Dachau or Büchenwald. So why did we fight and win that war exactly?

Good point, Benoit. WWII is a total wash because adults have the freedom to create and enjoy violent films.This got me wondering what other films Benoit gave one star to, and what films he gave ten star reviews to. I’m all about context – perhaps Benoit’s credibility as a judge of cinema and as a sane person shouldn’t be called into doubt based on one review.

Let’s see…
http://www.imdb.com/user/ur0136588/comments

Uh-oh. Benoit didn’t like Cold Mountain, which in his one-star review he describes as “an abomination.” Let’s see what he comes up with:

Just like the benighted citizens of Ancient Rome amused themselves by watching human beings dismembered for their enjoyment in the arena (…) today’s Americans love nothing more (apparently) than to collectively cuddle up to tales of squalor, gratuitous blood spilling, dehumanized killing, torture and various acts of degradation and wanton barbarity.

That didn’t go well. I wonder if Benoit enjoyed Cronenburg’s Eastern Promises as much as I did?

This film has everything to please an (American) audience avid for sadistic thrills that leave nothing to the imagination and to captivate a generation raised on violent video games

OK, so he didn’t care for it as much as I did. But then, I am an American barbarian. Another one star review from Benoit for this “decadent filth for a jaded, desensitized, morally bankrupt society.”Let’s move on. What did Benoit think of Pan’s Labrynth and anyone who enjoyed it?

This is a gory, harmful, snuff-porn, slasher film masquerading as an art film: Its tagline might as well be “Hey, guys, it’s got subtitles, so you know it’s good for you!” The people who are taken in by this trash are mostly young Americans, ignorant about history or the world around them, and who are fans of violent, sadistic cinema. It was conceived by a man with a troubled mind and no interest in reality, whose main obsessions are violent death and dismemberment. It would appeal to a people who has [sic] repeatedly failed to count the casualties in a war they have started in Iraq because it is good TV entertainment and good business and it is set in a faraway land they couldn’t even pinpoint on a map of the world.

One star for Pan’s Labrynth. Let’s try Kill Bill:

Tarantino would still be popular – and probably more so – if he admitted to having single-handedly warped the minds of all of America’s youth and his responsibility for society’s widespread desensitization to gore, murder, violence and the suffering of others.

Hmm, he didn’t care for that one either, but it’s good to know where to pin the blame for the tragic state of America’s youth. BTW, Canadian kids are doing fine, thank you very much.I think we’ve got a good handle on what Benoit doesn’t like, so to get a more well-rounded picture of his taste in film, let’s check out the films that he did like. Don’t worry, the snuff-porn of The Godfather doesn’t make an appearance.

National Security, the wacky Steve Zahn/Martin Lawrence flick (10 stars):

…this movie is one hell of an action movie and it will go down as an interesting exhibit whenever they write the history of race relations in American movies.

Rob Schneider’s The Hot Chick (10 stars):

I can understand how it could get quite a few bigots’ panties tangled in a knot. Times have not changed much since (was it only two months ago?) `Boat Trip’ died at the box office for roughly the same reasons.

So that’s why Boat Trip didn’t do well – American bigots! I thought it was because it was a shitty movie.Speaking of Boat Trip (10 stars):

This film is very reminiscent of the very best of French farce

Ice Age (10 stars):

Fox rules!

Jeepers Creepers (10 stars) is “an American masterpiece”:

This director is, on the strength of this film alone, one of the finest story-tellers in America.

Larry the Cable Guy’s Delta Farce (10 stars):

Finally, a perceptive comedy about US involvement in Iraq
…its moral is a timely reminder that if it’s freedom and democracy you’re supposed to be fighting for, there is a lot more work to be done close to home than in a country most Americans can’t find on a map. 10 stars.

Benoit from Toronto – dropping knowledge on the savage, ignorant, bloodthirsty American public. Thank God there are folks like him out there to remind us that the movies we enjoy are damning indictments of our Nazi culture. And thank God he’s in Toronto.



they could sell speter army pack booters


by Charlie Bebattica

The Soulstorm expansion for Dawn of War, a PC real-time strategy game set in the Warhammer 40k universe, was released a couple of week ago. The stand-alone expansion featured two new playable armies and added aerial units to the mix, as well.

Over at Gamespot, the fans reaction to the changes has been mixed. Here are a couple of choice excerpts from the debate.

First we have “midn8t,” doing his best to articulate his feelings (via his thumbs and a broken keyboard, apparently):

warhamemr 40,000 RTS was nice wow it lasted but the thing kills it for me is the zoom level sucks, along wiht fact that I like table top game better.

This expasion pack seems bit weak though. I just wish they would realse the turn based table top game on the PC. it be a killer money making schem, You have the stand alone game for 45 to 50$ comes with one army, and thent they could sell speter army pack booters for 25$ or so each.

but Ill stick wtih my superem commander for a RTS..

“LegionofClouds,” on the other hand, is more concerned about stability and balance issues, not to mention the terrifying prospect of being violated from above:

I kind of feel the air will be unbalanced and make the whole new equation much more harder to balance which will either lead to :
a) A long time and many patches before the air is finally settled into its own niche
OR b) Not balanced at all leading to horrible air rape games

You heard the man — KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES!



blah soooo dissapointed


by Charlie Bebattica

Perhaps those tax refund dollars are burning a hole in your wallet, and you’ve made the decision to put aside your reliable TurboGrafx-16 and enter the vibrant world of next-gen console gaming. Which system should you choose? Each has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it can be a daunting decision to make, especially considering the not-insignificant cash outlay involved.

Have no fear, friends. EBGames’s customer reviews are there to help you make the right choice. Let us bask in their sagacity:

“friend” uses beatnik poetry and the occult to advocate on behalf of Sony:

every body get a ps3 you will be glad if u did because it doesint over heat its basicly like a computer but some people dont understand it doesint come with a hd cord witch are like 20 bucks and to charge the remote u use a usb cord instead of buying a sepreat one and online is totaly free i dont think xbox live is free so get a ps3

“a PS3 and wii owner” with a similar grasp of the English language concurs:

this is bad I was so mad i played it for about 1 day and i was so bord so i went back and bought a PS3 it is so sweeeeeeeeeet i have been stuck on it seens i bought it about 1 year ago the games are beter everthing is beter about it so dont get a 360 get a PS3.

“superlink1233″ gives the XBox 360 a five star review…despite not having purchased the console yet:

okay so i havea job and i im getting payed next week on the 9thteenth and i want to buy a xbox 360. but im reading gamer reviews about the ROD(rings of death). is this console worth most of my paycheck? is it worth me mailing it to microsoft if i ever come across the rod pleaseeeee let me know. also how long does people have to play there xbox 360 a day to decrease breaking. please respond. to this thank you

The Xbox 360’s notorious “red rings of death” overheating problem? Nothing that can’t be solved with some terrycloth and sympathetic magic, according to this acolyte of the machine spirits:

Ok to fix your xbox 360 with ring of death you must first leave the xbox on then put 2 towels, witch it would reheat the xbox and fix it,then wait 20 minutes get the towels off and disconnect the cable from xbox connect it again and
turn it on it should work fine.)

“BmxEvol” is all about the “braging rites,” which I suspect are like sacrificial rites, only performed in the rumpus room, and chanted in the cthonic language of l33t :

I love my 360, I just got a ps3 and i love it also but theres no gamer score AKA no braging rites. The PS3 Is a computer and a 360 is a game system so if you have a computer id gett this. Halo 3 is going to make people buy alot more 360s. Microsoft did a good thing that sony did not they do not make xbox games anymore so now everyone has a 360.

“dementedtool” wants to set the record straight, coherency be damned:

dont think of my as a sony fan boy i’m not far from it but i’v had 2 360 systems both which have broke on me and i dont know what some people are saying about oh keep good care of it and it’ll last forever -_- i bearly played it when i had it i work from 10am to 8pm mon-fri so i dont have alot of time to play i kept the system laying down not standing nothing even came close to touching it DVDs never came near it and on both accounts they had broke. its an amazing system with great games but if you buy one spend the extra $50 on the warrenty at EB its worth it today after work i’m stoping by Gamestop and getting a PS3 cuz i haveent read as many bad reveiw almost no accounts of system crashing

Finally, “game assassin#7″ wants you to feel his pain even as he channels Ryan Seacrest’s unholy power:

This game is terrible i got halo3 and the game got the rings of death after 2-min. of gameplay imagine my pain im getting a ps3 after a couple of paychecks so i can get the system cool games and a extra joystick i’ll review the ps3 in a month or so game assassin out

Well, I’ve certainly made up my mind, and my decision is to forget about videogaming entirely and invest in a set of Jarts instead.



Aliens as Opposed to Babysitters


by Charlie Bebattica

Few people in recent memory have devoted themselves to the popularization of the wonders of science as late astronomer Carl Sagan had during his lifetime. His 1997 book, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark, is an exceptional work which advocates reasoned critical thinking over the banalities of psuedo-science. Unlike many of his peers in the skeptical set, Sagan didn’t chide, browbeat, or indulge in snide condescention; he understood mankind’s intrinsic hunger for answers, and attempted to demonstrate why the scientific method is crucial for understanding the world around us.

Not everyone agrees, of course. Of the (presently) 377 Amazon.com customer reviews of the book, 271 give The Demon-Haunted World the maximum five-star rating while 14 give it just one. Here are a few telling excerpts from the one-star review crowd:

He has always been very superficial when criticizing the so called “pseudosciences”, a term that, by the very way he uses it, only shows how his outlook on Science and on human Knowledge is short-sighted. Sagan sees Science as the supreme method for looking at and for understanding the Universe we live in, looking with despise on other ways of understanding reality (presently, I prefer to see Science as just one out of many different ways of grasping Nature’s mysteries).

I myself like to look at the Universe with my head tilted 45 degrees to the left.

It amazes me that this book is so extravagantly over praised. It really is a dull, creaky, moldy hymn to the belief that science can substitute for religion. Wrong. In a materialist universe, nihilism is the only point of view justified by the facts and the only objection to even crimes against humanity such as genocide is that you don’t personally like it (as Bertrand Russell admitted).

In other words, “Without my unquestioned faith, there would be nothing to keep me from going on a mass murder spree.” In that case, what can I say but “YAY, DOGMATIC ZEALOTRY” (and check to see if Kevlar vests qualify for super saver shipping rates).

I find myself perplexed at Sagan’s utter lack of consideration for the area thru which matter-science and spirit are interoperative. One example is his comment regarding abduction scenarios and why aliens never are “caught” by house alarms hooked to cameras and the like. I mean, I thought we were talking about alien phenomena, not the babysitter or neighborhood crook.

Unless your babysitter or neighborhood crook happens to be Gorthan from Rigel-Prime, trying to pick up some extra solar credits in between his usual gig of dispensing 50’s sci-fi movie clichés and anal probes…

To paraphrase Epicurus: I spit on science and all those who worship it if it does not make us happier. Sagan and all the members of the Church of the Scientific Inquisition need to justify every scientific discovery with an affirmative answer to the following: Will knowing this increase human happiness? If the answer is negative (as it clearly is for such things as the ability to manufacture bio-terrorist weapons) then let us bury that scientific discovery and be done with it. Sagan and his other scientism buddies worship science for its own sake. We need to judge everything according to whether it makes us happier or not. Once you make something other than human happiness be the criterion for what is good or bad, you have disengaged yourself from the species and are an enemy of mankind. If science helps-great! If it unleashes tools and weapons that no one can control-to the trash heap it must go!!

Using internet technology to pass vulgar utilitarian rants off as book reviews? Not increasing human happiness, I’m afraid. The trash heap is that way, compadre.

He must take us all to be dumb, inbred, crud breeders. To him we must be too dumb to tell a UFO from swamp gas or bigfoot from a guy in a costume.

Just a little defensive, eh?

What can I say,
The Devil is preety good at covering stuff up. He uses even the best Scientist and astronomers to crush anything spiritual.

Of coarse this book is garbage and I suggest that everyone who likes this book to please take yourself and your scientific thinking out of the box.

In the next coming years people you are gonna see some serious evil spirtual activity and because you have polluted yourselves with closing your mind of to it, you won’t know or be ready for the things that are going to occur.

Get thee behind me, rudimentary syntax and grammar skills — I WILL NOT BE PUT IN A BOX AND POLLUTED!