A humorous, informative, true story about a preacher and his family’s adventures with their pet crow.


by evilolive

One of the most terrifying areas of self-publishing is books for kids, perhaps because the books are shorter and the audience younger would-be authors assume that self-publishing is a good idea.

Johnny and the Preacher

A humorous, informative, true story about a preacher and his family’s adventures with their pet crow.


Orelda and Corelda on Wall Street

Wall Street Books for Kids! Orelda and Corelda on Wall Street is a coloring story book for kids. This Wall Street book celebrates taking daughters to work day & the wonders of the Stock Exchange. Teaching kids about investing. Kids books about New York. Join these sisters in the heart of NY’s financial district when their father takes his daughters to work one day, They are surprised to learn that stocks are not the only thing traded on Wall Street. A fun introduction to investing for kids. For children ages 5-10.

Tisa Plays Guitar and Strange Things Happen

When Tisa plays guitar with kids, strange things happen. Let’s call them MAGICAL things.

I don’t want strange things happening near my kids, accompanied by a guitar or not.

Child and Youth Reiki Program: Mount Kurama and the Emerald Lake

Mount Kurama and the Emerald Lake is a Child and Youth Reiki Program, with Mythological Reiki Tales to help Children and Youth become empowered. This Reiki program is intended to provide the young person with a healthy and fun tool for self-care and self-acceptance, leading to personal empowerment. Reiki is a conscious life force energy shared through the hands that provides individuals, through gentle and appropriate touch, with a sense of calm and balance. Within this book are two stories told through the eyes of a young adventurer, Lolly Walker, who discovers she can share the Reiki through her. She only need believe!


Johnny Profit

“Johnny Profit” is a story about a man who rescues a small village from the drudgery of poverty through his profit making powers. In a world where farmers turn soil with their hands, Johnny’s “digger” lifts them from their knees and returns many hours each day to their lives. This simple tool and Johnny’s unique concept of “honest deal making” spark an amazing Renaissance that changes life in Kimor forever.


TWEETADOPPLIN: Fozzi Fairy-Catcher’s Secrets

There is no main character but each story highlights one of the inhabitants of the city of Tweetadopplin. With names like Maria Fly-Feeder, Todd Tiger-Spitter and Chi-Chi Fudge-Bubbler, you can imagine how much fun the reader will have following them throughout their daily activities.


Lady Megan’s Mission

A Phenomenally Phased, Frivolously Factual, Frolicking Fantastic, Funny Facetious Fable Featuring Finicky Foibles and Fictitious Fantasies From a Fabulous Family Ferociously Fighting Foreigners For Freedom Forever



Toilet Crafting


by evilolive

I love crafting as much as the next person, but even I think that when you’re knitting or sewing for your toilet paper roll, you might have too much time on your hands, as prove by this Sushi Toilet Paper Cozy.  There’s also Pineapple Bathrooms if you like pineapples.  And bathrooms.

If you can’t craft the item yourself, you can shop to your heart’s content at Toilet Paper Covers, where you can find bears, cats, witches, and baseball players.

There’s a gambling cozy, a drum cozy, and an office cozy on this page.

If making something to cover a toilet paper roll doesn’t appeal, you can always knit your own toilet paper.



***Contains mild to moderate spanking***


by evilolive

All self-published books are potentially terrifying, but there is a special sort of horror evoked by the self-published romance novel. Lulu seems to specialize in the spanking subgenre of romance novel.

Respectable Wife by Vicki Blue
“Rancher Jakob Kittler doesn’t demand much of his pretty blonde wife other than obedience. But obeying Jakob easier said than done for headstrong Nora Kittler, who has her own ideas about what is an isn’t
fair. Set on a quiet Western farmstead, A Respectable Wife follows the story of a woman whose strong will often results in a husband being forced to apply a strong hand - right to her naughty
backside.

Priceless Love II - Love’s Possession
by Carolyn Faulkner
Nothing in her genteel, impoverished life could have prepared her for this. Orphaned, penniless, and growing more desperate by the minute, Mary Stiers found herself in the not-quite-wild West, bound to marry the author of the mail-order-bride ad to which she’d responded. Whatever fantasies Mary had had about Kit Jackson – or about any man, for that matter – were shattered by his deeply annoying – and
annoyingly attractive – demeanor. While she tried to help him eek out a living on his barely sustainable ranch, she found herself spending at least as much time worrying about ending up either held
devastatingly close by those muscular arms of his, or, to her complete horror, over his lap, getting the spanking of a lifetime.

Chronicles of Angelcynn Series
by Leah Kelley
King Alfred has a plan to bring his kingdom together through marriage alliances so they might stand united against the invading Danes. But when his plans go awry, does it mean the devil is fighting against him
or God is fighting for him? Includes Erik of Falconhearst, Braden of Draigmere, and Torin of Cumberwulf. ***Contains mild to moderate spanking***

Mr. Right Hand: MF Spanking Romance Novel
by Kiki Faran
Mr. Right Hand: An MF Spanking Romance Novel by Kiki Faran. Crass tongued, garbage-picking rape survivor, Charlene Spencer, has sworn off men forever. That is, until an accident of fate steers her
directly over the knees of the charming, sophisticated and heavy handed Mr. Right! Jacob Silver, the sexy cop who turns her entire life upside down, captivates her heart, mind, soul and backside, and a
sizzling spanking romance develops. But can she let go and let herself love the only man who’d ever stood up to her? Can she live with his strict rules and the consequences for breaking them? Can she live
without his spankings? Can two people from completely different worlds ever make it to happily ever after? Find out in this MF spanking romance novel that’s sure to tickle your funny bone and warm your
heart . . . and/or your buns!



a novel about the wasteland of emotion that broken love can wreak upon an individual


by evilolive

Etsy can be used to buy some cool crafty items, but it is also a source of rather terrifying self-published books:

I don’t want to know why the turtles are fishing in Hooky Holiday

THIS IS MY OWN CHILDREN’S BOOK HOOKY HOLIDAY EACH BOOK WILL BE SIGNED AND DATED INSCRIPTIONS CAN BE ADDED AT TIME OF PURCHASE..I WILL ALSO ADD AN ORIGINAL DRAWING WITH AUTOGRAPH….

No one needs suggestions for puns about sheep

Falling

at the heart of my heart, im a writer. this book took me 3 years to write and i loved every minute of the process.

“Falling” is an urban fiction novel set during a Montreal winter. The book deals with the complete destruction an introverted photographer named Severen experiences when hes left by his drug-addicted girlfriend. “Falling” is first and foremost a novel about the wasteland of emotion that broken love can wreak upon an individual. It’s also a novel about the delusions, mental chaos, denial, and drug abuse that can happen when a person chooses to avoid pain by losing themselves in another person.
Written from an emotional male point of view, the elements of sex and drugs aren’t only gratuitous; you follow Severen as he grasps for anything to avoid fully dealing with having to feel the pain of ended love.

A Call to Arms:

As the next ruler of Leldyna, Rae must continue to learn all she can about her homeland. Time flies by as she tours the land to meet the inhabitants. Upon her return a shock greets her in the form of an old law, marriage or disownment. Wary of the choices selected by the Council, Rae agrees. Another surprise awaits her then in the form of an old friend. Can Rae do what she needs without losing herself to her obligations or will she have to leave it all? Just when she thinks it’s over another worse situation develops: pirates!



Mittens As a Sign of the End Times


by evilolive

Subway Knitter designed a pair of Charlie Card Mittens, essentially mittens with a pocket designed to hold a subway card. The pattern for the mittens appeared in a popular knitting magazine, Interweave Knits. You would think that mittens with a pocket for a subway card wouldn’t provoke strong opinions, but you would be wrong! Ravelry is a social networking site for knitters, currently beta testing. Members can form almost any type of group/or discussion board on almost any subject. In the Christian Artisans discussion board someone posted the following thread:

Knitting In Preparation For The Mark of The Beast

Arielluria: I thought the subject line would get your attention ;o)…….

I just saw this on the preview of IK Winter issue and it reminded me, I heard on a knitting podcast that people who take subways have been getting their hands embedded with an RFID chip so they don’t have to show a pass!!! On IK Winter there was a pattern for these mittens:
Honestly! It’s sad but it’s prophecy coming true. However, many will take the mark of the beast because they didn’t know God’s Word!

Rev 14:9 Then another angel, a third one, followed them, saying with a loud voice, “If anyone worships the beast and his image, and receives a mark on his forehead or on his hand,
Rev 14:10 he also will drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is mixed in full strength in the cup of His anger; and he will be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb.
AND
Rev 20:4 Then I saw thrones, and they sat on them, and judgment was given to them. And I {saw} the souls of those who had been beheaded because of their testimony of Jesus and because of the word of God, and those who had not worshiped the beast or his image, and had not received the mark on their forehead and on their hand; and they came to life and reigned with Christ for a thousand years.

dlofink: We are so very close. Jesus is coming soon. I think we will see it in our lifetimes.

Arielluria: I do agree. At no time have so many previously thought impossible things existed. Oh sure, there were evil men people thought were the Anti-Christ, etc. but being able to see the 2 witnesses around the globe in real time, micro-chipping, etc.

dlofink: I think the interesting part is the fact the technology now exists to “mark” someone in the hand or the forehead and not allow them to buy or sell without the mark. And the new pattern accomodates that technology very well.

Arielluria: Exactly………the pattern IS for a chip as it is described in Revelation. I don’t mean the pattern is evil or anything like that :o) just that it’s sad there are actually people falling for it already……..and those who take it, will have to die for their faith to be in Heaven. But if they do, they will have a special blessing, thrones around the throne of God.

dlofink: My husband told me last night he heard on the news that some public schools are implementing systems where kids will have to scan their fingers for identification. He thought it was just another way to get people accustomed to scanning their hands for stuff. We are so close….Irregardless, the chip is technology that could easily underlie bible prophecy. We are so close. It will be interesting to find out the purpose of the hole in that mitten.

lacybird: So how are all of you preparing to deal with it when it comes?
Maybe we should build our stashes of yarn and spinning fibres even bigger, so that we will be self sufficient and not need to buy or sell.
‘Even so, Lord Jesus, come quickly!’ Amen

For a more complete transcription of the forum thread about the satanic mittens, visit Subway Knitter’s post about the whole thing.