GET OVER iT…NOT EVERY MOViE iS GONNA TURN OUT THE WAY YOU WANT iT


by Brought to you by Carl's, Jr.

So I’m browsing MovieWeb (for work, I swear!) and notice in the sidebar a list of “most commented-on threads,” which is always promising. Comments on movie websites are retard gold. The top one is for X-Men 4, which I guess is a thing?

So I investigate. The X-Men franchise had drastically diminishing returns, but stuff like “objective quality” doesn’t matter to the kind of people who post on message boards. They just want to make sure there are no nipples on the Batsuit and that Kitty Pryde says ONLY WHAT KITTY PRYDE WOULD SAY ACCORDING TO THEIR FAN FICTION.

First thing I see:

YOU GUYS ARE DUMB…GET OVER iT…NOT EVERY MOViE iS GONNA TURN OUT THE WAY YOU WANT iT…SO GET A LiFE…YOU PEOPLE THiNK THAT THE WHOLE MOViE BiZZ REVOLVES AROUND YOUR STANDARDS…WELL MAYBE THE DiRECTOR WAS AiMiNG FOR THE YOUNGER KiDS OR MAYBE THEY DiDN’T WANT TO COPY OFF OF THE COMiC BOOKS…iT MiGHT HAVE SET A LAW SUiT ON THEM…DUHH!! MAN YOU GUYS ARE SO DUMB…GET OVER iT iF YOU DONT LiKE THE WAY THiNGS ARE THEN STOP WATCHiNG THE MOViES!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know what I always think when I see text like that? “Man, it takes a lot more work to type like an idiot than it does to type like a normal person.” Can you imagine training your brain to hit Shift every time you type “I” in your all-caps rant? That’s cerebral real estate that would be much better used memorizing, say, left-handed masturbators throughout history.

As it turns out, this is the latest post; MovieWeb lists the most recent post first because it is stupid and hates you. So I scrolled further down for some context. I did not find illumination.

Its so hard to be a comic book fan and watch any of these comic to film movies. There hasnt been one single comic book movie that was laid out excatly like the comics. Even spiderman 1 screwed it all up. The whole bridge scene was taken right out of the comic where Gwene Stacey fell and broke her neck when spider caught her with his web. I know they want to pack 50 years of comics into a 2 hour film, but at least have the directors read and do a little research on the characters and storyline. So I humor myself when I go out to watch these movies, and keep an open mind so I wont be so F*&kin disappointed all the time.

He’s not done.

Shit I HATE rubber suits…

OK, now he’s done. Three things:

1. I cannot take continuity judges seriously when they can’t even get character names right.
2. If you want to see the exact same story as the comic, just reread the damn comic.
3. Shut up.

Further down, some dude who uses a shirtless muscular guy doing push-ups as his avatar but is surely NOT gay pre-empts this line of thought with some reason:

Ive watched xmen3.. the story itself is negative.. if u r really a fan of xmen (comix,cartoon), knowing what they did to x1 and x2 will surely piss u off cuz they made their own crap story line.. but like what i said, u have 2 change ur point of view in watching these movies not as a basist from the comix, but as a viewer judging its movie’s genre 4 u 2 appreciate the verdict of the movie instead of complaining bout d comparison from d comix.. Singer did a good job as a director although unsatisfying to most of the readers but all in all it was a good movie.. but x3??

Sometimes it’s good to close on a question.



I assume in your perfect world, everyone will speak Mexican and we’ll all be happy when illegal immigration causes the economy to collapse.


by Kevin Church

DC Comics publishes around 50 different titles in its main superhero line in any given month, meaning that they publish something like 600 total individual periodicals in a given year. You’re with me so far, right? Last week, the latest issue of the sales-handicapped Blue Beetle series, set in El Paso, Texas and featuring a hispanic protagonist, featured mostly Spanish-language dialogue. This means that .16% of DC’s pamphlets released in the last year will feature a language that is not English, delivered by a mostly non-native-English-speaking cast.

Of course, this offends some asshole named Dave, who doesn’t notice that the issue in question is set in Mexico.

I thought it was the first ever comic that bordered on racism. DC: Now forcing its readers to read Spanish.

And for the matter - point me in the direction of one immigrant kid who has 3 quid fifty, to spend on a comic book.

The first ever comic that bordered on racism. I guess we can ignore every World War II cover featuring the yellow menace ever, then? Or this Angel And The Ape story? Awesome! I love revisionism. Throw in the “three quid” line and you’ve got someone who loves England so much he’ll fight for America’s right to read comic books in English!

Of course, someone points out that the book’s always had a Mexican-American cast and is set in a region where Spanish is more likely to be spoken than English, but Dave doesn’t let that fact halt his onslaught against those demon invaders:

Fine, Fine - DC is now forcing its readers to speak Mexican - make up your minds.

You know, we have this exact same problem in our country - a flood of immigrants coming over, refusing to speak English, trying to force us to learn their language. It’s ridiculous. I can’t wait to see the sales figures on this one - because obviously its going to outsell New Avengers, right???

That’s right - when you can’t make your point through racism, bring commercial forces into it! In a response, Alan Coil points out that an ability to speak English isn’t really key to being an American:

Which country in the world has the largest English speaking population?

China.

Dave is not going to brook this sort of “logic,” though, and wants you to know he’s down with the Chinese:

Wow - don’t mention China, you’ll set off that idiot who starts ranting about Tibet. And hey, do you know whats great about Chinese people? A great many Chinese students come over to my country, and they learn MY LANGUAGE. They have their own culture, and their own little Chinatown, and Chinese Rshops and so on, but, at the end of the day, they say “Hello”. It goes a long way towards helping people intergrate.

I’d love to see the “Chinatown” Dave goes to - I imagine it’s a strip mall in Topeka with a place called Lucky Wok and a video shop that has a single, lone Jackie Chan poster.

My favorite part, however, is when Dave somehow connects DC featuring a cast of American citizens speaking another languages to a tacit endorsement of illegal immigration and separatist culture.

Why am I a bigot? Because I want foreign people coming to an English speaking country to learn, I don’t know, ENGLISH??? I assume in your perfect world, everyone will speak Mexican and we’ll all be happy when illegal immigration causes the economy to collapse. Now, generally, when I go on holiday, I’ve only really vacationed in places that speak English (USA, and Australia) - but, if I go to a foreign country, I use THEIR language. Now, there’s a cultural thing - in Amsterdam, for instance, I was with a Dutch family member, and everyone spoke pretty good English. In France, however, everyone assumes you speak French, and, if you don’t - tough titties.

I digress, however. There is a larger issue here - DC are saying “illegal immigration is ok”, “lack of community intergration is ok”. This book could have been used to examine these issues - but obviously the creators have their heads in the sand.

I find it more than a bit amusing that something that could potentially have young hispanic kids reading DC superhero comics is seen as being exclusionary, but that’s neoconservative logic for you: the poor, oppressed white man who only controls 90% of the nation’s wealth is under attack by young Latinos who may want to read about one of their own interacting with icons like Superman and Batman.

Sometimes, I wish this site were named Get Off The Planet.



Public Service Announcement: The Tony Stark does not want you on his bandwagon.


by Ted Grant

Newsarama poster “VinnyPic” has a message for comic book fans eager to see the new Iron Man movie who haven’t been supporting the Iron Man comic:

All of you, who have sullied his good name the past two years, and are poised to wank off 24 hours from now to his greatness can throw yourselves on the leftovers of The Dark Knight and The Incredible Hulk.

You’ve bashed him. Called for him to die, be a skrull, and all this other ____.

Now you can shut up. It’s Shellhead’s time, and time for his fans who’ve enjoyed this character for a long time, and put up with ignorant ____ of people like you.

As a long time fan, whose first comic was a John Byrne Iron Man issue including Cap and Widow, you can all eat a dick.

Don’t bandwagon up, you aren’t welcome.

So, that would be “VinnyPic” and the 74 other Iron Man fans as the only ones going to see it this weekend, then?



And Captain America is secretly an Islamofascist


by Ted Grant

The Canadian commentator Mark Steyn recently wrote a review of Mark Evanier’s new biography of Jack Kirby. It’s notable for being one of the only times you’re likely to come across a “conservative” taking the side of labor in a dispute with management, but what really elevates it to level of sheer nuttiness is this passage:

Stan was Marvel’s head writer and presiding genius and, to a couple of generations of readers, Mister Comics. (I met him briefly at the Democratic convention in Los Angeles in 2000: yes, he’s a Democrat — why do you think comic-book heroes gave up truth, justice and the American way to sit around on rooftops like Spidey riddled with self-doubt about whether their awesome powers are a blessing or a curse?)

Yes, that’s right, Stan’s political affiliations are the reason Spidey is mopey. I suppose if Spider-Man was created by a conservative, he’d be out there beating up hippies and commies and abortionists and the gays like a good American.

Oh, wait, Steve Ditko created Spider-Man, and he’s a Randian Libertarian.

Guess Steyn’s just an idiot, then.



With a name like Brave & The Bold i’d hoped we’d get a faithful cartoon for the geek crowd, but thats just insane.


by Ted Grant

A new, kid-focused Batman team-up cartoon has been announced.

Comic fans are not happy. Well, are they ever?

Comedy???? Ugh, is it just me or is this looking like Superfriends?

Oh my god it got worse. I didn’t think it was possible it could get worse, but they actually did it, they out sucked The Batman. With a name like Brave & The Bold i’d hoped we’d get a faithful cartoon for the geek crowd, but thats just insane.

I’ve always said that there should be two sets of DC cartoons. One aimed at young kids, and the other for older kids and us fan boys. We have to hook the new generation while there young. Hopefully the WB will keep cranking out DTV for us old folk.

Hmmm…split your production budget into something a large number of people will enjoy and something about 20,000 people will enjoy? Or spend it all on the one that will actually make money. Touch choice there…

Let’s go and see if there’s anyone sane at Newsarama commenting on this:

So what if kids arent buying them, do they have to? If the stories are aimed at adults and the prices the same what is to stop people from getting into them when they are adult?
You dont see people screaming once a month about how the porn industry is dying because kids arent buying it

You’re seriously comparing super-hero comics to porn? Seriously? That’s really very telling, now isn’t it?



i know a possible investment when i see one


by pico -d gallo

Woot is one of the many internet shops that uses the model of selling one item a day at a low cost, until either the day is over or the item runs out. It’s a bizarre marketing practice, but I guess it works for them.

April 15th’s item of the day was a pack of ten random Marvel comics for six bucks. This seems like an especially odd thing to feature, and even the sales pitch itself seems skeptical:

So why drop six bucks postpaid on this bundle when you could just go to a comic store and grab a handful of quarter-bin mags? For one thing, that would require you to enter a comic store. Even worse, you may have to interact with the menacing life-forms you encounter within — an especially daunting prospect if you happen to be female.

More importantly, though, once you start digging through the quarter bin, you have to possess the willpower of Daredevil to stop. It’s nigh-unto impossible to walk away from those tantalizing rows of unknown comics, holding the promise of a cheap, misplaced copy of Amazing Fantasy #15 or the complete Squadron Supreme maxi-series. Entire afternoons can be lost in such vainglorious quests.

Better to avoid the temptation. Better to let the hand of fate pluck ten, or twenty, or thirty random Marvels from the morass. We won’t stare at your chest, or make you smell our underwashed bodies, or mock you for not knowing the difference between the X-Men and the Ultimate X-Men. And you need not fear the lure of the quarter bin.

At this point I’d like to bring to your attention that ten comics for six bucks means they’re also more expensive than a quarter, but considering that “quarter bins” are now more often “dollar boxes”, we’ll let it slide. Instead, let’s look at the list of comics from which your ten gems will be selected. Pay attention to these; there will be a quiz.

You will receive 10 comics from the following list:

* X-Men The Movie Prequel Rogue
* X-Men The Movie Prequel Magneto
* Wolverine/Cable — Return of the Native Part 5
* Wolverine/Cable — Gus & Glory
* Wolverine Evilution
* Warlock “Second Coming pt. 2
* Thor Son of Asgard Part 6
* The Call of Duty Also Featuring Daredevil the man without Fear
* Spider-Man Team Up w/Kitty Pryde
* Spider-Man Made Men
* Spider-Man — The Amazing Spider-Man — Vibes
* Sabetooth — Back to Nature
* Runaways also featuring Sentinel Issues 1 & 2
* Rogue “Going Rouge” Part 4 of 6
* Marvel Must Haves — Truth — Red, White & Black
* Man-Thing — Whatever Knows Fear
* IronMan — The Iron Age Part 2 of 2
* IronMan — The Iron Age Part 1 of 2
* Incredible Hulk “Huck”
* Hulk “Big Thing” Part 3 of 4
* Hulk
* Gus Beezer and Spider-Man
* Guardians — Reach for the Stars Part 1
* Fantastic 4 Prisoners of Doctor Doom
* Fantastic 4 — Disassembles
* Excalibur “Forging the Sword”
* Captain America
* 1602 Part 6

Don’t worry that you’re only getting parts of some stories. Parts One and Two of Hulk “Big Thing” aren’t really vital to the story, and part Four is just folks standing around going, “Remember that big thing? That was wild.”

Every Woot “deal” has user commentary on it. Let’s see what the folks who regularly shop at Woot had to say about this one.

“dsgitlin” fails the quiz right away:

Ha…this brings me back to my childhood and rummaging through the quarter bins. Yes, absolutely, in for three. Hopefully I’ll get some Power Man/Iron Fist sent my way.

Hope all you want. Neither Power Man nor Iron Fist are on the list.

“aoffiler” sees nothing but dollar signs:

im not a comic fan but i know a possible investment when i see one. can anyone tell me if these are worth while?

“greengert” taunts him:

since you know an investment when you see one… why dont YOU tell US if these are worthwhile?

And “aoffiler”, his reputation on the line, asserts:

well if all goes as planned im in for 3… so yes this is an excellent investment.

‘NUFF SAID!

“ericsmithrocks” is a better username than “ericsmithcalculates”:

This is cool! In for three… which means 30 comics!

Note that there are only 28 comics on the list. “alvinlee123″ asks:

30 comics for 8 bucks, what are thes odds of getting the same comics more than once?

I repeat: Note that there are only 28 comics on the list. “TheStorm042″ comes to the rescue with his incredible “counting” ability:

Since there are only 28 possibilities, pretty good, I’d say.

But “shento” ripostes:

ummm more than one comic in the series, I’m sure… sooooo

chances are slim to some - to get a duplicate…. guess you don’t read comics?

PUT THAT IN YOUR MATHS AND SMOKE IT, SMARTY-PANTS!

“Mjar41″ knows what the SMART comics investors ask:

Are these comics in mint condition?

“DocThan.com” follows up with:

Are these in English or Japanese ?

I don’t know whether I should cheer or jeer “wscraig”:

The fact that these are sold out this quickly is disturbing. Not because I wanted them. But because so many of you do.

Who are you people and how are you allowed to hold jobs and drive cars?

You won’t like the answer:

I’m in for 30. “Hello comic book man, what’ll ya give mefor these”

Oh look, here’s the guy:

Please sell some Bondage Fairies comics next time, woot.

“LANShark125″ is outraged, OUTRAGED that Woot is trafficking in such trivialities!

Comic books? COMIC BOOKS??? And this doesn’t even look to be a bargain…

Sad times in Wootdom…

finally, “octavia”:

I wonder if any woman would actually buy these for herself. Oh well, men and their comics and penises, I just don’t get it!

Me neither!



…Does anyone really support reparations? This is the same thing.


by Sluggo, Agent of N.A.N.C.Y.

One of the great screwings in the history of the comic book industry is that of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, the creators of Superman. Selling their creation for a pittance in 1938, the two lived in near-poverty for decades while watching their brainchild rake in millions for the publisher, DC Comics. It wasn’t until the late ’70s, when the big-budget Superman movie was about to be released, that DC, afraid of a public backlash against the film if it were found out how Superman’s creators had been treated, finally was shamed into paying both Siegel and Shuster a yearly sum.

Recently, after many a hearing and court session, the copyright to the very first Superman story in Action Comics #1 was awarded to Siegel’s surviving family, which will likely lead to even more money going in the direction of the creator, or at least his estate. This is a Good Thing, another step in redressing the treatment of the men who essentially created the modern comic book industry.

Of course, some fans think otherwise. Like this fella:

…Oh boy. Another disaster brought on by Siegel heir greed. The last money grab they pulled off resulted in Superboy getting axed, now I can see DC panicking and start monkeying around with the Big Red S to change him enough so that he’s no longer anything that resembles Superman.

Enough is enough. Get a judge in on this mess that understands a) copyright law, and b) the fans are more important than a couple of greedy grandkids!

And there are a few folks in this comics blog discussion who also believe those two guys got more than enough from their creation, and should certainly not have been concerned about providing for their families:

Why they sold the rights they shouldnt get anything.

They shouldnt even get royalties they gave up that when they signed over the rights.

THEY SIGNED THE RIGHTS AWAY NOT WITH A GUN TO THEIR HEAD AND NOT ONCE BUT TWICE WHEN THEY SETTLED IN COURT IN 1948. ENOUGH ALREADY.

Gimme a break. They were paid in 1938. They were paid off in 1968. Again in 1978. They kept taking the money and suing again, Time Warner will keep this tied up for decades and that’s good.

As the end consumers.. we will be the ones paying for this. Keep this in mind next time comics prices rise, or your favorite book gets cancelled because it’s not selling well enough (less profit = less flexibility), or when they decide that making a Superman Movie or cartoon is not financially viable because of ‘licensing’ fees.

Superman
Created by Siegel and Shuster
Raised by DC
Killed by the Siegels

How greedy are the Siegels anyway. What they’re doing is killing the character that their father co-created. Yes, Siegel and Shuster should have been taken care of WHEN THEY WERE ALIVE. They’re not. Why should their kids be profiting off of their deceased parents?

Someone threw out the ’slave argument’ but at the risk of getting politically incorrect, does anyone really support reparations? This is the same thing.



If you could pick one GL to become gay, who would it be?


by Ted Grant

Over at the DC Comics message board, homosexual comic book characters tends to be a…touchy subject. Which is why the sheer reasonableness of this thread on the subject in the Green Lantern section is so shocking.

Luckily, user “renaudman” comes along to remind us where we are:

Just dumb stupid cheap shock value gimmickry to turn a character gay, especially to please 5% of a population, that don’t even care about Green Lanterns to begin with, except a few to bastardize one

Again, if those Want-My Gay-Superhero boys don’t have the balls to create their own, and put their money where there mouth is, and live by those characters, than maybe they should stop whining about bastardizing other people’s creations

Queezada bastardizing the Rawhide Kid in one of his wetdream agenda was bad enough.

Yes, “renaudman” is apparently still complaining about a western comic book that came out five years ago and was quickly forgotten by everyone else. He really hates him some homos, I guess.



I am happy to fulfill this request.


by Kevin Church

4chan is infamous.

Things like the thread below, beginning with the first response displayed, are why.

(Strangely, I’ve found that a higher-than-average number of the denizens there can actually spell, find the shift key, and punctuate. I don’t know if this worries me more or less…)

4chan_thread.jpg



I find this quite realistic, despite your complaining. That’s how women are. They like assholes.


by Brought to you by Carl's, Jr.

The people of Scans_Daily are invested in their comics. I mean really invested in their comics.

It’s not like we didn’t know this was coming, but still. In what universe is this childish sack of ambulatory refuse good enough for Diana?

Okay, well, I can certainly understand a bit of passion when it comes to your favorite stories and characters. Lord knows I grumble when some of my favorite characters are written poorly. But I have my limits. “the Azure Cascade” does not:

These comic book creators, they have TOO MUCH POWER and they’ve PROVEN THEY CANNOT BE TRUSTED!!!! D’you see what you’ve driven me to here, Gail? I’ve gone Batman-level nuts over this. I hope you’re happy.

I’m sure writer Gail Simone is happy. I’m sure she’s so thrilled she’s investing in kevlar vests because Wonder Woman fans are psychotic. From the comments:

This is why it’s stupid to trust any storyteller, regardless of media. Believing that a once-decent writer won’t eventually fuck up beyond repair (see also: almost every brand-name writer in comics right now) is like believing that the universe is ruled by a benevolent God - it’s a form of faith that will always be disproven eventually.

Or:

*dies a little inside* Gah. The lip thing is just the worse part of it there, AND with the whole ‘bedroom eyes’. Skrull. I know this isn’t Marvel but I don’t care. That’s my answer and I’m sticking to it. *prefers denial*

Or:

I’ve found, after punching walls from the similar treatment of Oracle, that a steak will help that bruise.

Or (bonus misogyny points!!!!!!):

I find this quite realistic, despite your complaining. That’s how women are. They like assholes. She’s Wonder Woman, yeah, but she’s still a woman.

Simone herself responded to the original post, because she’s Gail Simone and generally pretty hip to the “online interaction” thing. She basically fell all over herself to explain the situation and ask for people to consider context. “the Azure Cascade” took this to be Simone “chastising” her.



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