“Hey new people, it’s called traditions. Don’t move here if you ain’t down wit it.”


by RJ White

In a city as old as Philadelphia, there are a great many time-honored traditions- the Mummers Parade, the yearly collapse of the Eagles, threatened garbage strikes, Justice Department probes of city employees and so on and so forth, et cetera, et cetera. In today’s Daily News (“The People Paper”) we are afforded a glimpse at another time-honored Philadelphian institution- that of using various pieces of furniture to hold your parking space, a precious commodity on the city’s narrow streets.

In the last two weeks, these spaces have become even more precious, due to some of the largest snowstorms in the city’s history. When people dig those spaces out, they want to save them by any means necessary, though doing so is technically illegal. The article is one of those slice-of-life pieces, giving many examples of the lengths to which people will go to save their spots and Mayor Michael Nutter even vaguely gives a winking approval to the practice. And, of course, with this being Philadelphia and this being the internet, there must be a group of reasonable citizens ready to weigh in on the matter, right?

i saw the news story where the woman complained of her tires getting slashed. She called it selfish. My thing is she was too lazy to park a bit further and WALK to her destination. Who is selfish now?

Yes. Reasonable.

A woman and her dog once pooped right on my sidewalk and left it. I scooped it up, followed her home and dumped, no spreaded it, all over her front steps. Since then, no on parks in my shoveled parking spot. And all I put there, was a bucket of sugar.

From ‘Beauty’-

don’t touch my chair in my spot…if i shovel you better believe i don’t want anyone else benefitting from my hard work…i’m petty enough to do something to your car if your bold enough to move my chair and trash can i use as my space holder…

And in response, some not-so-thinly-veiled racism-

Beauty, it’s your mentality, and poor spelling, that represents this city. If a shoveled out spot is such a worry for you, just collect your welfare payment and walk to the store for your 40s, you don’t need to drive.

Its our tradition and if you dont like it, move to Kansas or something. And YES, I will do something to your car if you touch my spot. Like beauty said, if you’re bold enough to move my chair, then im petty enough to do something to your car. lol.

The sad thing is that if you slash the tires of a car that “takes” the spot you recently shoveled, it’s not going anywhere anytime soon and you’ve probably now lost the spot for a lot longer!

Hey, get out of here with that confusing “logic!”

It’s a matter of respect, which is slowly becoming a thing of the past. A crying shame. It’s becoming the George Harrison song, “I, Me, Mine.”

If you take two hours to dig out one car, then you are either in really bad shape, or lousy at shoveling.

You too! Git!

you take my spot and there will be serious hospital bills

Ahh, that’s better.

Hey new people, it’s called traditions. Don’t move here if you ain’t down wit it.

Yeah, youse. Eaayyyy forgett aboutt it!

I can see both sides of the argument — one through the left lens of my beautiful black drop-temple glasses, one through the right lens. Seriously, though, the first thing residents should do is park their main vehicle in the garage (if possible) or the driveway (if one exists). That’s what my family did when we lived in NE Philly. The only times we ever needed a chair to save the spot in front of our house resulted from huge storms (such as those in 1996, 1993, 1978). Now as a suburbanite, I live on a cul-de-sac barely wide enough for two cars, and there is no parking available there even in summer. We all have big driveways to compensate. Too bad the city’s planners couldn’t figure that out centuries ago. :)

OH MY GOD- now that person, I specifically want their car re-buried.

One other thing. Do the same people that claim to shovel out and then “own” the spot also pick up the trash in the street during the warmer months? That’s what I thought. You folks are pathetic. I shovel out my spots and if someone takes them that’s life. It’s the city. Don’t like it, move to the burbs and get a driveway.

Again- stop with the sense-making. Like that one guy said- don’t move here if you ain’t down wit it. “It” being tire slashings and dinette sets sitting out in salt and slush and 30-degree temps.

watch it when you put a aluminum lawn chair out in the street, people will take it for scrape money.

Wait- what?

Its only laziness that somebody wouldn’t shovel themselves out and benefit from someone elses labor, oh that reminds me isn’t there a goverment program for that…probably the same people who would steal your parking spot.

take my spot, get shot. period.

Finally, someone who I think best exemplifies the spirit of Get Off The Internet-

Is it wrong to hate the people on both sides of the argument? One comes off as lazy and nonchalant to the hard work put in by others, and the other comes off like an entitled neighborhood bully if you dare cross them.

No, it is never wrong to hate both sides. In fact, that is probably the wisest course to take in reading anything, anywhere on the internet.



You Must Be THIS Literate To Post A Comment To A Professional Author’s Facebook Status


by Kevin Church



Bingo Little need not apply.


by Kevin Church

We here at Get Off The Internet thank you for your patience during our overly long exile. Some of us have been up to other things on the internet, including Agreeable Comics and the Fake AP Stylebook and since we’re flush with success, we figured it was time to find a good butler to buttle around GOTI Towers.

I say, he looks qualifi…oh.