Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have to go alert every movie news website in the world about this post.


by Ted Grant

Star Wars fans are angry. Very angry. It seems that sometime back a fan/director by the name of Kyle Newman made a short film about some Star Wars nerds who break into Skywalker Ranch to steal a copy of The Phantom Menace for a friend. Who is dying. Of cancer. Sounds like a comedy gold-mine, right? Well, the Weinstein Company, who picked up the distribution rights for Newman’s short decided that, in a recut and expanded version, maybe children dying of cancer wouldn’t sit well with your average film-goer.

And then a great darkness was felt in the force, as these brave, noble fanboys rose up as one to protest this great injustice. How, you may ask? Why by launching a life-time boycott of every film released by the Weinstein Company.

The head of the Weinstein Company, Harvey Weinstein, seems to think he’ll make more money if he rips the heart out of the movie and turns it into another mindless comedy. And he thinks fans like us won’t mind if he recuts FANBOYS so that it portrays Star Wars fans as idiotic criminals who would break into George Lucas’s offices just because they’re hopeless dorks.

Well guess what, Darth Weinstein? We mind. We’re sick of being told what we want to see, by people who have zero respect for their audience. We’re sick of moronic movie studios turning smart movies into dumb ones, because you think dumb sells!

We, the millions of Star Wars fans around the world, aren’t going to take it lying down. This time, you’ve messed with the Rebel Alliance. We hereby demand that the original version of Fanboys be released!!!

If you don’t release the REAL version, we won’t go see it!

We won’t buy the DVD!

AND WE VOW TO BOYCOTT EVERY SINGLE MOVIE RELEASED BY THE WEINSTEIN COMPANY (and DIMENSION FILMS) until you release the original cut of Fanboys!

In case you didn’t get that last part, we’re going to put it in big bold letters.

RELEASE THE ORIGINAL CUT OF FANBOYS OR MILLIONS OF STAR WARS FANS WILL BOYCOTT EVERY SINGLE WEINSTEIN COMPANY FILM!

(Except for maybe Kevin Smith’s movies, because we really like those.
But all of your other movies? BOYCOTT! Lifetime BOYCOTT, Darth Weinstein!!!)

We’ll start with SUPERHERO MOVIE next month, if our demands are not met!
We’re not kidding!

It should come as no surprise to anyone who has ever witnessed nerd fury before that there is an exception to their complete and total lifetime boycott.

But wait, there’s more! What could be the most effective way of contacting the Weinstein Company about your unhappiness? A co-ordinated letter-writing campaign? Polite, well-reasoned missives clearly articulating your point? Or rude and angry e-mail carpet bombings of everyone who works for the company? Oh, and don’t forget to call the people involved in the decision “cute” names. Nothing tells people you’re a serious grown-up more than calling them a Brill-O-Head.

Of course, the real question is: is the film they’re so up in arms about worth all this anger? Well, here are some fan reviews:

Quite simply, Fanboys is a film that Kevin Smith wishes he would have made. The film has a lot of the same elements as a Kevin Smith movie except Fanboys has one major advantage, it has been directed.

While I don’t want to spoil all of the people who appear in the movie, as seeing them pop up during the second half is quite fun, a scene that made my friends and I laugh out loud featured an appearance by the one and only Harry Knowles, the Ain’t it Cool News master chief.

One of the main characters only listens to Rush and the songs The Spirit of Radio and Red Barchetta play a big part in some of the action. And Weezer. Any film that uses anything off Weezer’s Blue CD gets big thumbs up from me.

Finally, I think we need to let the mass murdering villain of Watchmen have the last word on this one:

Respect the fanboys, damn it.
by AdrianVeidt Jan 14th, 2008
04:12:04 PM

Honestly, if you’re going to call yourself that, then fucking respect those that you are basing the movie off of – us the fans. We are the ones who made Star Wars what it still is today. We are the ones who make it live on, and always live on, through posters and memorabilia and every ounce of marketing that we embrace as collector’s items. We are the ones that could finally have a voice and a representation in a movie named after us. Respect us. Respect us as we desperately cry out for you to keep the soul of this movie intact.

One can’t help but imagine Harvey Weinstein, munching on a bagel first thing in the morning and then stopping as he comes across such impassioned rhetoric. He pauses for a moment, perhaps letting the words wash over him. Maybe he finds that there’s a glimmer of truth buried in this madness. Then he gets up, goes to the refrigerator, and grabs the light cream cheese and gets on with his day.



…you would be a hero to all Cubdom and all marxists in general…


by Kevin Church

Reader Jason is a fan of the Chicago Cubs and deep down inside, aren’t we all? (No, not really, but that’s neither here nor there.) He tells me that new team owner Sam Zell is looking at selling the naming rights of Wrigley Field, which sounds a bit iffy to me considering the iconic nature of the place but hey, it’s his sports team and if he needs to generate an additional few million in revenue, that’s his right, right? Thankfully for this website, not everyone thinks this is the case.

i’m sure this has probably been posted, but in case it hasn’t…
why don’t you mainland folks organize a petition or joint statement of some sort declaring that all (or as many as possible) cub fans will boycott whatever company buys the naming rights to wrigley?…..Oh yeah, and let me restate my other suggestion…one of you whose life is particularly dismal ought to shoot zell. nevermind the jail time and new gender role that woudl surely be forced upon you; you would be a hero to all Cubdom and all marxists in general…



Mittens As a Sign of the End Times


by evilolive

Subway Knitter designed a pair of Charlie Card Mittens, essentially mittens with a pocket designed to hold a subway card. The pattern for the mittens appeared in a popular knitting magazine, Interweave Knits. You would think that mittens with a pocket for a subway card wouldn’t provoke strong opinions, but you would be wrong! Ravelry is a social networking site for knitters, currently beta testing. Members can form almost any type of group/or discussion board on almost any subject. In the Christian Artisans discussion board someone posted the following thread:

Knitting In Preparation For The Mark of The Beast

Arielluria: I thought the subject line would get your attention ;o)…….

I just saw this on the preview of IK Winter issue and it reminded me, I heard on a knitting podcast that people who take subways have been getting their hands embedded with an RFID chip so they don’t have to show a pass!!! On IK Winter there was a pattern for these mittens:
Honestly! It’s sad but it’s prophecy coming true. However, many will take the mark of the beast because they didn’t know God’s Word!

Rev 14:9 Then another angel, a third one, followed them, saying with a loud voice, “If anyone worships the beast and his image, and receives a mark on his forehead or on his hand,
Rev 14:10 he also will drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is mixed in full strength in the cup of His anger; and he will be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb.
AND
Rev 20:4 Then I saw thrones, and they sat on them, and judgment was given to them. And I {saw} the souls of those who had been beheaded because of their testimony of Jesus and because of the word of God, and those who had not worshiped the beast or his image, and had not received the mark on their forehead and on their hand; and they came to life and reigned with Christ for a thousand years.

dlofink: We are so very close. Jesus is coming soon. I think we will see it in our lifetimes.

Arielluria: I do agree. At no time have so many previously thought impossible things existed. Oh sure, there were evil men people thought were the Anti-Christ, etc. but being able to see the 2 witnesses around the globe in real time, micro-chipping, etc.

dlofink: I think the interesting part is the fact the technology now exists to “mark” someone in the hand or the forehead and not allow them to buy or sell without the mark. And the new pattern accomodates that technology very well.

Arielluria: Exactly………the pattern IS for a chip as it is described in Revelation. I don’t mean the pattern is evil or anything like that :o ) just that it’s sad there are actually people falling for it already……..and those who take it, will have to die for their faith to be in Heaven. But if they do, they will have a special blessing, thrones around the throne of God.

dlofink: My husband told me last night he heard on the news that some public schools are implementing systems where kids will have to scan their fingers for identification. He thought it was just another way to get people accustomed to scanning their hands for stuff. We are so close….Irregardless, the chip is technology that could easily underlie bible prophecy. We are so close. It will be interesting to find out the purpose of the hole in that mitten.

lacybird: So how are all of you preparing to deal with it when it comes?
Maybe we should build our stashes of yarn and spinning fibres even bigger, so that we will be self sufficient and not need to buy or sell.
‘Even so, Lord Jesus, come quickly!’ Amen

For a more complete transcription of the forum thread about the satanic mittens, visit Subway Knitter’s post about the whole thing.



DEAR MS. OPRAH WINFREY, THE WORLD SHOULD LEARN FROM YOU ABOUT FRIENDSHIP AND GENEROSITY TOWARD THEIR FELLOWMAN.


by Kevin Church

The official ABC blog, written by my good internet friend Dave Campbell, is much more entertaining than a corporate blog has any right to be. Every day, Campbell breaks down the previous night’s line-up in a zippy style that doesn’t take anything too seriously, and people really seemed to get what he was doing. That was, of course, until he made a post entitled “What would you do if Oprah handed you a big bundle of cash?” that discussed the upcoming Oprah’s Big Give. Somehow, people missed the jokey tone of the post and turned the entire affair into a slow-grind descent into stupidity and desperation. Here’s some choice bits:

Hi Opra I am Original from germany and I have lived here for more than 14 years and matter of fact I love the United states.Well I do really need your help I am here with a greencard I never really thought for me to become a american citizen but right now at this time I wish I would have done it.See my papers expired in 2006 and guess what Homeland Security just sitting back and taking there time to give me more papers.Within this time I have lost my home,my work and dont have a pot to …. in.My husband that I have been with for more than 14 years has our 2 beautyfull children.I wake up every morning hoping something will change but everyday is the same thing I call immigration all day long and get no answers .I even got the Office from jack Kingston involved in it and they could not get much further.I was even thinking about going to the news paper.So I was hoping maybee you could be the one who could help me If I go back to germany I wont be able to see my children again.I dont even have a work permit so I could get some more work but I cant.My Drivers Lisence are expired and I am stuck and I really do need your help maybee you have some contacts where I could get my papers straight.Here is my Address
Karola white, [REDACTED]
[REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED]
912-[REDACTED]
karolawhite@[REDACTED].[REDACTED]

I love your shows and you be helping a lot of people and maybee you can help me.

OPRAH HELLO I DO NOT KNOW IF YOU WILL READ THIS I WILL BE BRIEF I AM A SINGLE PARENT 47,OF A WONDERFUL SON WHO IS ATTENDING COLLEGE TO BECOME A DOCTOR.I CURRENTLY LOST WHERE I WAS LIVING TO A FORECLOSURE ALL THAT I COULD DO WAS SIT LIKE AN ANIMAL WAITING TO BE FLUSHED OUT. I AM WRITING YOU FROM MY CONDO THAT IS ALSO BEING FORECLOSED ON . I PRAY I COULD GET ASSISTANCE SOME WAY SO I CAN HOLD ON TO MY DIGNITY AND REMAIN AN EXAMPLE TO MY SON. I WANT TO HELP HIM AND HELP PEOPLE THAT ARE IN MY SITUATION. I AM A SCHOOL BUS DRIVER . THANK YOU IM TIRED OF THINKING OF MYSELF BUT I DO NEED A PLACE TO LIVE JUST LIKE THE NEXT PERSON I HOPE I STILL HAVE TIME!

Dear Opera,

My name is Floence Ekine, I am a widow with five children. Three of my own and two adopted that I am unable to bring to United States since I do not have good looking bank account to show the USA immigration where the kids are. Right now do not have a job, iam surviving on survival benefit ony which is fixed income. But if I can some money as capital I can start my own small business. I have a lot of business ideas, and also on education I have Master in Business Administion (MBA)
If you recognized poor widow such as I am, you will be trurely be my Angel. 832-[REDACTED] is my phone number. My address is [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED] [REDACTED]. Email address is: imaekine@[REDACTED].[REDACTED]

Oprah,hello my name is heather i am 25 yrs old a single mother of 2 little girls, i live with my mother and her husband right now, my mom owns a house that she is going to let me and my 2 girls have but i am in desperate need of help fixing it so that my girls and i will have a place of our own to call home,it is very sad and frustrating to not be able to live in a house i grew up in because it is not livable right now,the home needs new flooring,insulation,hot water heater,new plumbing,walls put up to make bedrooms.Oprah i know you have a really big heart i watch your show all the time, is there anyway at all you could help my daughters and i get our home fixed up so that we may move into it and have a place of our own, thank you very much for your time, love scarletdarling2 & the little doves.

My son has a brain tumor. He has no clue about it yet I have kept him alive. I have told hime thew reassn he gets mri is we need to find out if he is smarter. It works. The thing is He wants a wi and his room done my electric is789.00a water is 100.00 mortgage is 317.00 lot rent is 285.
00 his medical was cancelled and everything el,se his father did more than molest him. I always let him down to being poor oprah please can you redo his room or let him meet chuck norris. I will pay you back. Or volenteer for your causes

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! what an eye opener to what you must recieve every day. Take a deep breath… & know that YOU R an exceptional person who has turned lemons into the very golden lemonade… You r the best… please take time to be yourself
& enjoy the sun in your face… YOU certainly do deserve it. If more people could be like you… what a HUGE improvement the world would see. Thanks for being YOU!!!!!!!



Theory is a blind man in a dark room.


by Kevin Church

National Geographic posts a video on MySpace about Neanderthals playing games and making glue. You can probably guess what happens when some people are confronted with the idea that we weren’t born wearing Abercrombie and Fitch khakis and driving hybrid cars.

Jordan’s apparently upset as this goes against their own theories:

they say people are getting dumber not smarter. are bodies are getting weaker, and are food has less nutrion. so why would I believe that my ancestors were neanderthals? they have no proof of them and what little evidence they say they have, is false

Joewald feels the need to engage such pseudoscientific mumbo-jumbo with:

Well you’re right about one thing Jordan. People are getting dumber . You personally, are a fantastic example. The words “our” and “are” aren’t even supposed to be synonyms, and you somehow confuse the two.

Jordan, of course, is unhappy at having their grammar mocked and comes up with this bon mot after discovering that his or her shift key may or may not work:

I admit my grammar is not the best. notice that everything they say is a theory, and theory is a blind man in a dark room, looking for a black cat that isn’t there. if God does not exsist then why is everyone trying so hard to disprove it?

Mike responds with:

you ask why we are trying to disprove god?so people will stop lieng to themselves and killing eachother of completely foolish beliefs,and btw,a theory means all evidence points to it,and in a few decades humans will have no pinky toes,there is proof

Apparently he didn’t attend the same school as JoeWald. Thankfully, we have a voice of reason in Trevor:

Theory is something that is basically true, but there really isn’t any way to prove it…Gravity is a theory, but you can’t really prove it because it’s impossible.

My personal favorite, however, comes from someone known only as…TWISTED.

evolution IS intelligent design

and UFO’s are actually time machines; “aliens” are us from the future

peace out